Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

Snow shovel designed by my wife for me:

 

[phinds]

Obviously no one has ever explained to this guy about dereticulating the framis:

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[DrClaude]

Snow shovel designed by my wife for me:

View attachment 283304

There is a parachute add-on for removing snow from the roof.

 

[jack action]

Obviously no one has ever explained to this guy about dereticulating the framis:
View attachment 283305

This reminds me of an ad that runs here where I live, right now:

​

There is also the french version, which I think is even funnier (for those who understand french, and like a challenge):

​

 

[jack action]

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it never tried to contact us.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[gmax137]

At least the poachers didn't get him.

 

[Vanadium 50]

I love a good hard-boiled detective story.

 

[DrGreg]

I love a good hard-boiled detective story.

As long as it's eggciting.

Glad it was just the one egg, because un oeuf is enough.

(Sorry, but this is the lame yolks thread.)

 

[jbriggs444]

Just when you thought there will be no more stupid egg jokes, another one comes along.

It's unovoidable.

 

[fresh_42]

Are there other fans than me of the Eggmonton Broilers?

 

[fresh_42]

"I'm a radiologist."
"Fine. Which channel?"

 

[gmax137]

"I'm a radiologist."
"Fine. Which channel?"

I heard this a long time ago, a real conversation

"I'm from New Jersey."
"Really. What exit?"

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 283359

That took me a lot more zooming to figure out than I'm comfortable with.

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 283359

From Quora:

What are the best flip flops to wear on a motorcycle?

Naveen Raj:

Oh my god! Why do you need flip flops while riding?

Do you even know how to ride a motorcycle?

Always ride Bare footed.

• This gives you extra grip on the gear and brake.
• While putting the leg down, the small stones and mud in the grind will clean the dead cells on the foot.
• While an accident since there are no footwear, you can easily escape the place.

Also please note that don’t wear an helmet. It spoils your hair and why do you even need a helmet if have this much of strong brain!

 

[Borg]

This is posted on my cube at work. Very appropriate at times.

 

[Ibix]

I hesitated over liking that... I was loaned to a place like it for a couple of weeks some years ago. It wasn't even really their fault and they were very aware of the insanity. Nice bunch of people and I still have a chat if I see them around, but you couldn't pay me enough to work there long term.

 

[DennisN]

Some fun quotes of Steven Wright:

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. (my favorite)
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

[fresh_42]

Here is one which would fit in that collection:

Optimism is only a lack of information.

 

[Frigus]

Here is one which would fit in that collection:

Optimism is only a lack of information.

My teacher says that Optimism is just ignoring half the road.

 

[Ibix]

In a similar vein, "cynic" is what an optimist calls a realist.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

Optimists say in the future there will only be crap to eat. Pessimists say there won't be rnough for every one.

 

[Borg]

I hesitated over liking that... I was loaned to a place like it for a couple of weeks some years ago. It wasn't even really their fault and they were very aware of the insanity. Nice bunch of people and I still have a chat if I see them around, but you couldn't pay me enough to work there long term.

It's not really that bad where I work. Mostly, I just like the meme because prod installs can seem like a life or death battle sometimes.