Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ivan Seeking]

Dudes, vinyl is sick. Everyone can look at their vinyl for a clockwise reference.

 

[fresh_42]

Problem solved with the Rotary Un-Smartphone.

View attachment 288816​

I think about an upgrade of mine, too.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I think about an upgrade of mine, too.

View attachment 288817

That doesn't show the time.

It shows the time you have left.

 

[sysprog]

That doesn't show the time.

It shows the time you have left.

Assuming that the timer is kept orthogonal to the ground, the top part shows how much time remains on the timer, and the bottom part shows how much time has elapsed $-$ of course, @fresh_42 being a math guy, and knowing the starting conditions and the characteristics of the device, he can tell how much time remains or has elapsed, from a quick glance at either end.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Assuming that the timer is kept orthogonal to the ground, the top part shows how much time remains on the timer,

The top part shows the time remaining for the wearer.

 

[sysprog]

The top part shows the time remaining for the wearer.

Couldn't it show how much time remains until, e.g., dinner is fully baked but not burned?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Couldn't it show how much time remains until, e.g., dinner is fully baked but not burned?

You don't want a psychic death watch that tells you how long you have to live? You would rather have a potato report?

 

[sysprog]

You don't want a psychic death watch that tells you how long you have to live? You would rather have a potato report?

Hey, weren't we discussing @fresh_42's wristwatch? He knows when he started it

 

[Keith_McClary]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The checker at the local store knows I don't drink and asked why I often buy alcohol. "It's for my dates", I replied. "You don't think I'll get anywhere without alcohol do you?"

PS The checker lost it and I heard people behind me in line laughing.

 

[WWGD]

The checker at the local store knows I don't drink and asked why I often buy alcohol. "It's for my dates", I replied. "You don't think I'll get anywhere without alcohol do you?"

PS The checker lost it and I heard people behind me in line laughing.

Confused reply: I prefer Checkers to Chess.

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

too tiny to read

 

[WWGD]

Dob

too tiny to read

Don't worry, you'll eventually grow up ;). Will check again.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Bystander]

Hard rock farm joke:

Yes, one has to "bend" the English, but this is part of the fun of the joke.

..., still can't get from "bales" to "haze" through any sort of "bent English"...I fired a "shot in the dark." Some sort of colloquialism?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 288943

For what it's worth, neither "Crystal Methodist Church" or "Effing, SC" turns up any results in Google Maps. (drat!)

This inspired me to search for a certain village in Austria. I discovered that it was renamed Fugging this year.

 

[256bits]

Just one of the many more signs from the fictional town and altered sign
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/crystal-methodist-church-sign/

still, kinda funny though

 

[WWGD]

For what it's worth, neither "Crystal Methodist Church" or "Effing, SC" turns up any results in Google Maps. (drat!)

This inspired me to search for a certain village in Austria. I discovered that it was renamed Fugging this year.

Now that you mention it, it wouldn't surprise me if the same was the case with some of the other pics, without my knowledge.

 

[George Jones]

 

[WWGD]

Ouch!:

 

[gmax137]

..., still can't get from "bales" to "haze" through any sort of "bent English"...I fired a "shot in the dark." Some sort of colloquialism?

they are bales of "hay" so the "bending" is calling them "hays." And from "hays" to "haze."

EDIT: not that anyone actually calls them "hays." The first time I saw this joke, I didn't get it. The next time, it popped right into my head.

Note, people call them "bales of hay" or just "bales." If you saw a truckload on the road, you'd say, "a truckload of hay."

 

[WWGD]

We then conclude no one found the Effing church.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

We then conclude no one found the Effing church.

And don't go to Mandi's party if you're ugly.

Where I live, masks are still mandatory everywhere for ALL unattractive people.

 

[WWGD]