Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

View attachment 327899

The relativity of time. Also, women do have an absolute timescale, no matter what physicists say. They can always tell you the exact time they have told you something. Men, on the other hand, have no timescale at all. No matter when you told them something, this event simply didn't happen.

 

[topsquark]

-Dan

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 327909

That happens. You can buy Americans at bakeries here!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

Actually happened at the coffee shop.
1)" Hi, can I have a scone?"
2) " Sure, what flavor"
1') " Strawberry, please"
2') " We only have blueberry, sorry".

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is!

 

[fresh_42]

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is!

I admire your optimism!

 

[berkeman]

"Happy wife, happy life".

 

[jtbell]

"Why do we never have enough food for our big family picnics?"

"Aunts always show up at a picnic, even when they're not invited."

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

Awkward moment (for old time music lovers)…...

 

[topsquark]

Awkward moment (for old time music lovers)…...

View attachment 327935

I guess this will be the day that I die!

-Dan

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

There was a show (Jeremy Clarkson / Top Gear, IIRC) where the host drives a micro car into a BBC building, uses a lift (elevator), and drives among the desks and cubicles.

And it wasn't an electric, as I recall.Edit: Here it is...

I guess the car version of tiny homes.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

Ricky Gervais joined a gym, but...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Borg]

They just need to cross-train them.

 

[jtbell]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 327987

Now do " Arkadelphia"

 

[WWGD]

Flavor of the day:
" Happy Father's Day!"
" No, it's not mine. I have the DNA test to prove it!"
" Er...".

 

[Ibix]

Don't you hate it when people ask questions then answer them themselves before you've had time to think? I do.

 

[Ibix]

My foot bought itself a car, but it broke down and it had to call a toe truck.

 

[fresh_42]