Collection of Lame Jokes

[topsquark]

I'm more interested in currant affairs.

That comment was out of lime.

-Dan

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Tourists flocked to the National Park when it was announced that Death Valley may hit a high temp of 130 degrees F.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...t-Earths-hottest-temperature-131F-Sunday.html

I think this is clear evidence that tourism is a form of insanity!

 

[Borg]

I recently discovered the word tourons which is a portmanteau of tourist and morons. I think this fits nicely in that category.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

His clothing color choice is interesting.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/death-valley-hottest-place-on-earth-near-record-high-heat-wave/

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 324749

I was a theoretical golfer. I read golf books but couldn't be bothered to play the game.

 

[Hornbein]

Screen shot excerpt from an online questionnaire I was required to fill out for jury duty. Trick question?

View attachment 324813

Many people can read but not write.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 329403

I've just finished writing an "it's been six weeks, where is my refund" email. That cheered me up - thanks!

 

[jtbell]

"How come you get sick only on workdays?"

"I have a weekend immune system."

 

[Ivan Seeking]

"How come you get sick only on workdays?"

The same reason that Monday morning is the most common time to have a heart attack?

 

[berkeman]

The same reason that Monday morning is the most common time to have a heart attack?

Is that true?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Is that true?

Yes. They occur most commonly in the morning, apparently due to blood chemistry changes through the night. But they also occur most often on Monday.

 

[renormalize]

Is that true?

https://www.bhf.org.uk/informations...news/behind-the-headlines/heart-attack-monday

The researchers found there was a notable increase in the rate of STEMI heart attacks at the start of the working week, with rates highest on a Monday (a 13 per cent increase). They also saw higher than expected rates of STEMI on Sundays.

The exact reason behind this “Blue Monday” effect isn’t yet known. Past studies showing a greater likelihood of heart attacks at the start of the week have suggested a link with the body's circadian rhythm, which governs our sleep and wake cycles.

 

[berkeman]

Thank you @renormalize and @Ivan Seeking I did not know about this...

Published 9 June 2023

According to new research presented at the British Cardiovascular Society (BCS) conference in Manchester, serious heart attacks are more likely to occur on a Monday compared to other days of the week.

The study, by doctors from the Belfast Health and Social Care Trust and the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland, examined the records of 10,528 patients admitted to hospitals across the island of Ireland (including the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland).

These patients had been admitted between 2013 and 2018 for the most severe type of heart attack, known as an ST-segment elevation myocardial infarction (STEMI). This happens when a major coronary artery, which supplies blood to your heart, becomes completely blocked. Without emergency care, STEMIs can be fatal.

Each year in the UK, more than 30,000 people are admitted to hospital with a STEMI. They need immediate assessment and treatment to minimise damage to their hearts. This typically involves emergency angioplasty and stent(s), a procedure to reopen the blocked coronary artery and get blood flowing to the heart again.

The researchers found there was a notable increase in the rate of STEMI heart attacks at the start of the working week, with rates highest on a Monday (a 13 per cent increase). They also saw higher than expected rates of STEMI on Sundays.

The exact reason behind this “Blue Monday” effect isn’t yet known. Past studies showing a greater likelihood of heart attacks at the start of the week have suggested a link with the body's circadian rhythm, which governs our sleep and wake cycles.

 

[phinds]

Yes. They occur most commonly in the morning, apparently due to blood chemistry changes through the night. But they also occur most often on Monday.

Jeez ... hell of a way to get out of going to work that week.

 

[DaveC426913]

Jeez ... hell of a way to get out of going to work that week.

I can imagine some people saying "Thank God. No more Mondays ever!"

 

[Borg]

I've always thought that was true because I thought that I had read it years ago.

 

[phinds]

 

[BillTre]

That's Mr. Ed, the talking horse.

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 329408

That's Mr. Ed, the talking horse.

Which one?

-Dan

 

[hmmm27]

A horse is a horse, of course of course
mumble mumble mumble mumble
mumble mumble mumble mumble
is the famous Mister Ed !

 

[jbriggs444]

A horse is a horse, of course of course
mumble mumble mumble mumble
mumble mumble mumble mumble
is the famous Mister Ed !

A host is a host from coast to coast
and no one will talk to the host that's close.
Unless the host (that isn't close)
is busy, hung or dead.

[Attributed to David Lesher, circa 1986]

 

[Bystander]

is busy, hung or dead.

..., also, "crippled, crashed, or...."

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 329407

"Charcuterie" is French for "I want a sandwich but I have no bread"

 

[topsquark]

How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Exactly how it sounds.

(That might be on here somewhere, already.)

-Dan

 

[jtbell]

"Hello, this is Gino's Pizzeria. Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like one 16-inch super supreme, please."

"OK, one 16-inch super supreme. Would you like that delivered?"

"Yes, please. I hate liver."

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Exactly how it sounds.

(That might be on here somewhere, already.)

-Dan

Part of some fixed point theorem ;).

 

[WWGD]

Saw this ad, wondered what the issue was with the lady in pink, second from the right. I guess simething like

" I'm the director's wife/daughter , and I can't be bothered"

 

[WWGD]

Scientists have recently turned back time. Turns out you get "emit".

(Respect to Colin Mochrie)

Why? You're making a Mochrie of Colin/Niloc ;).

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

How do you spell onomatopoeia?

onomatopoeia