Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[berkeman]

Trick question!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I tried to remarry my ex-wife, but I eventually failed when she realized I was after my money...

Someone was asking me if I want to get married again. Heck no I replied. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her my house. Saves me a lot of trouble.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 328905

Was there an emu in the area?

-Dan

 

[jack action]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Was there an emu in the area?

-Dan

I love that commercial!

 

[jack action]

My email password has been hacked again.

That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

 

[DrGreg]

My email password has been hacked again.

That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

Similar joke:

I couldn't afford to buy a personalised number plate (license plate) so I changed my name to "BD51 SMR".

 

[WWGD]

My brother's daughter is named Denise. They're going to have a son now. I suggested the name ' Denephew '.

 

[WWGD]

My email password has been hacked again.

That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

" Heisenberg"?

 

[topsquark]

My email password has been hacked again.

That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

Let's take DrGreg's idea. Name the cat DsC&6d.4h7W.

-Dan

 

[Swamp Thing]

Let's take DrGreg's idea. Name the cat DsC&6d.4h7W.

-Dan

I believe there are apps that remember your cats name so you don't have to.

 

[ohwilleke]

 

[jack action]

- Hello, Animal Control? I found a suitcase with a mother possum and 2 babies inside.

Animal Control: That's odd. Can you tell if they're moving?

- Honestly, I'm not sure, but it would explain the suitcase.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[jack action]

 

[berkeman]

Wait, is Batman about to shoot the Flash for losing? Kinda' brutal, no?

 

[nsaspook]

 

[BillTre]

Wait, is Batman about to shoot the Flash for losing? Kinda' brutal, no?

That's the starting pistol.

 

[berkeman]

That's the starting pistol.

Nope, sorry. The USATF starters I know don't use semi-auto starter pistols...

 

[nsaspook]

Nope, sorry. The USATF starters I know don't use semi-auto starter pistols...

Its Batman, we all know he's a psycho and psycho's don't use starter pistols.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

Its Batman, we all know he's a psycho and psycho's don't use starter pistols.
View attachment 329054

Clever cover, using ' Bateman ' to cover for Batman.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

Wait, is Batman about to shoot the Flash for losing? Kinda' brutal, no?

I'm actually more concerned that the low speed of sound compared to the speed and reaction times of both Flash and Superman renders the whole test invalid even before it's a practical joke.

I think Superman is actually between Batman and the Flash, so it's the guys behind who are in danger (Wonder Woman can deflect bullets, so she's ok).

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 329089​

I have this on a t-shirt:

 

[topsquark]

I have this on a t-shirt:View attachment 329091

Hey! I've got something on my t-shirt, too! Oh, wait. Well, it'll come out in the wash.

-Dan

 

[WWGD]

My baloney has a middle name.
Not really, just didn't want to feel left out.

 

[topsquark]

My baloney has a middle name.
Not really, just didn't want to feel left out.

Well, my baloney has a first name...

Yes, I seriously dated myself there.

-Dan

 

[WWGD]

Well, my baloney has a first name...

Yes, I seriously dated myself there.

-Dan

Nick at Nite was my thing for a while . Didn't watch a single post-70s show for a few months.

 

[WWGD]

Get yourself a good cable setup, an app to order food, and you can stay inside for weeks at a time.