Collection of Lame Jokes

[Jimmy Snyder]

Why does a golfer carry an extra pair of pants?

It's in case he gets a hole in one.

That's why they change socks during the tournament.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

"Woe is me" said the despondent apiarist, "to bee, or not to bee".

 

[rootX]

to bee or not to be bee... bee got no choice

 

[cobalt124]

Tubby, or not tubby... fat is the question.

 

[cobalt124]

Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two rights make?

... The first airplane.

Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.

 

[cobalt124]

Two fish are in a tank, one looks at the other and says...

..."You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Get it? Fish can't talk!

Two parrots stood on a perch. One says to the other, "Something smells fishy".

 

[lisab]

Two parrots stood on a perch. One says to the other, "Something smells fishy".

Cobalt, your lame jokes are great!

 

[Rooted]

A duck and a chicken were at the side of a road. The duck was about to cross when the chicken said, "Don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it"

 

[BobG]

"Woe is me" said the despondent apiarist, "to bee, or not to bee".

To be or not to be, that is the answer.

The question?

Spoiler

What's the square root of 4B^2

 

[lisab]

A duck and a chicken were at the side of a road. The duck was about to cross when the chicken said, "Don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it"

"I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their intentions questioned"

--bumper sticker in town

 

[jtbell]

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

But Oh, honey do.

 

[HeLiXe]

But Oh, honey do.

literal LOL in the public library...thanks a lot lol

 

[Lancelot59]

literal LOL in the public library...thanks a lot lol

I had the same thing happen to me during a conversation with a friend. People got angry at me.

 

[jtbell]

What, you were reading PF on your phone while talking to someone? That's what I call multitasking!

 

[Ibix]

There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

 

[drizzle]

Haha, nice!

 

[dkotschessaa]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

 

[Lancelot59]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

It's funny because it's a converging infinite series!

Someone once told me I was 404, and I was totally lost at that point.

 

[dkotschessaa]

someone once told me i was 404, and i was totally lost at that point.

c:\dos
c:\dos\run
run dos run

 

[Lancelot59]

c:\dos
c:\dos\run
run dos run

If you ever wind up running DOS, make a point of doing this. It's so mindlessly amusing.

A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it; if you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error

 

[dkotschessaa]

If you ever wind up running DOS, make a point of doing this. It's so mindlessly amusing.

A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show if; if you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error

ahahahaha

 

[Ken Natton]

I’m sorry dkotschessaa and Lancelot59, but I have to object to your posts on this thread today. In fact, I might have to report them. They clearly do not qualify for this thread. There is nothing remotely lame about them. That is definitely the hardest this thread has ever made me laugh. Much too witty for this thread.

 

[Alfi]

laugh - it's good medicine.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

100 level 1 bugs in the code.
100 level 1 bugs.
Debug for a while,
Try to compile.
101 level 1 bugs in the code.

 

[Alfi]

hehehhehjeheee

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

it's supposed to be mindless amusing run dog run.

Run Spot run.

 

[dkotschessaa]

I’m sorry dkotschessaa and Lancelot59, but I have to object to your posts on this thread today. In fact, I might have to report them. They clearly do not qualify for this thread. There is nothing remotely lame about them. That is definitely the hardest this thread has ever made me laugh. Much too witty for this thread.

My apologies. I will endeavor to be more lame in the future...

 

[Drakkith]

There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

Love it!

 

[jtbell]

There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

There was a young fellow named Fisk
Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk;
So fast was his action
The Lorentz contraction
Reduced his rapier to a disk.

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the rich swordfish who divorced his wife? He had to pay her a lot of abalone.

 

[cobalt124]

Should have put this one in before the Philosophy Forum went.

ICL VME Mainframe answering truly deep questions:

> God
GOD DOES NOT EXIST

 

[Ibix]

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?

Spoiler

Its back legs.

 

[cobalt124]

Watson picks up a piece of sandstone and shows it to Holmes. "What could it mean?" he asks. "Sedimentary, my dear Watson!. It means our murderer is at this moment hiding in that larder with the yellow door". "But Holmes, how in blazes could you possibly deduce that?". "Lemon entry, my dear Watson!"

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

What's the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a?

Spoiler

pizza