Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #2,171
rollcast said:
http://imgboot.com/images/ritchie888/3223042912906605357568105355762891348271n.jpg

:smile:
 
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  • #2,172
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​
 
  • #2,173
man: doctor, docter, i broke my arm in two places.

doctor: well, don't go back to those places
 
  • #2,174
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

Love it!
 
  • #2,175
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​
lolz
Darken-Sol said:
man: doctor, docter, i broke my arm in two places.

doctor: well, don't go back to those places
:smile:
 
  • #2,176
dkotschessaa said:
ok I just made up a lame joke

"Is this really the marine mammal campground?"
"Yes, it is for all in tents and porpoises."

sorry...


Hahaha...
Greg, your Einstein one was awesome too. Hahaha. These are all great.
 
  • #2,177
Teacher: "Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Josephine: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, Josephine. It's always 'I am...' "
Josephine: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Also very funny! hahaha... I definitely will tell my teacher friends this one. :)
 
  • #2,178
Darken-Sol said:
a physicist gets pulled over for speeding
cop: do you know how fast you were going?
physicist: no but i know where i am
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

These rock! :!)

Really not fit for the 'lame jokes' thread...
 
  • #2,179
Not a joke, true story. I went to my neighbor to ask about something and complained I have a very low BP (apparently I was ill last week). "You have a low BP? I will give you a phone number to Aunt Mary." Yes, I know her aunt - and that was a perfect idea.
 
  • #2,180
A hole was found in a wall at the nudist camp. The police are looking into it...
 
  • #2,181
A two seat plane crashed into a graveyard. The death toll is already at 692 and rescuers are continuing to dig up bodies.
 
  • #2,182
Jimmy Snyder said:
A two seat plane crashed into a graveyard. The death toll is already at 692 and rescuers are continuing to dig up bodies.

We have a very exclusive graveyard here. People are just dying to get in.

(Oldie but goody, and very lame!)
 
  • #2,183
dkotschessaa said:
We have a very exclusive graveyard here. People are just dying to get in.

(Oldie but goody, and very lame!)
Are there benches there for rigor mortis to set in?
 
  • #2,184
Anna Blanksch said:
A hole was found in a wall at the nudist camp. The police are looking into it...

Someone broke into the police station overnight and stole all the toilet seats. The thief left no clues, and police have nothing to go on.
 
  • #2,185
Anna should start to post in Relationship :wink:
 
  • #2,186
What goes off, until you turn it off?



An alarm clock.
 
  • #2,187
cow crossed the road
 
  • #2,188
I am sitting naked with my iPod in the wardrobe in my GF room, her parents came home too early. What do I do?

Go deeper inside, there will be a detour through Narnia.
 
  • #2,189
Picabo [Peekaboo] Street, the former World Cup alpine ski racer from the U.S., was fired from her new job as an ICU nurse, today. Why? When she answered the phone she would say, Picabo, ICU...
 
  • #2,190
Ivan Seeking said:
Picabo [Peekaboo] Street, the former World Cup alpine ski racer from the U.S., was fired from her new job as an ICU nurse, today. Why? When she answered the phone she would say, Picabo, ICU...

:smile:
 
  • #2,191
Someone in a Prius actually tried to race me the other day, I had him for the first 100 feet but then my legs gave out.
 
  • #2,192
IMP said:
Someone in a Prius actually tried to race me the other day, I had him for the first 100 feet but then my legs gave out.
I was out of gas.
 
  • #2,193
3813923.jpg


3813951.jpg


If you can solve - you are too close!
 
  • #2,194
Borek said:
If you can solve - you are too close!

Hehe. So if you can't solve, all is good? :P
 
  • #2,195
I like Serena said:
Hehe. So if you can't solve, all is good? :P

Sorry, the logical equivalent is "if you are not too close, then you can't solve!"
 
  • #2,196
rohitm95 said:
cow crossed the road

Ohm my god! :eek:
 
  • #2,197
Char. Limit said:
Sorry, the logical equivalent is "if you are not too close, then you can't solve!"

if you can solve you are too close

Also
"You can't solve or you are too close"
"It is not the case that You can solve this and you are not too close"
 
  • #2,198
And now, switching to inductive logic:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
 
  • #2,199
Denying the antecedent, (as well as dessert:)

A logician said to his son, “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you can’t have any ice cream.” Upon hearing this, the son choked down a plate of broccoli, and his father, duly impressed, sent him to bed without any ice cream.
 
  • #2,200
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​
I need one of those. xD
 
  • #2,201
Man walks into a Doctor's surgery with a strawberry on his head.
The Doctor says "I will give you some cream for that".
 
  • #2,202
Another man walks into a Doctor's office with a strawberry on his head, lettuce under each arm and a banana peel in his shorts.
The Doctor says "You're not eating right."
 
  • #2,203
I can haz Heisenberger?

- Schrodinger's lolcat
 
  • #2,204
Ibix said:
I can haz Heisenberger?

- Schrodinger's lolcat

Lol :)
 
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  • #2,205
A guy goes to kitchen.Looks one side and doesn't see the pan,looks the other side and sees it
 

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