Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

...or places you still work at.

I do that often enough anyway

 

[jtbell]

A duck-billed flatypus.

This reminds me of an anecdote told by Herman "Pat" Herst Jr., a long-time stamp collector, dealer and author of several books about the hobby. He was once invited to a elementary-school class (third grade, maybe) to talk about stamp collecting. One of the students introduced him to the rest of the class as a "well-known platypus."

 

[Ibix]

This reminds me of an anecdote told by Herman "Pat" Herst Jr., a long-time stamp collector, dealer and author of several books about the hobby. He was once invited to a elementary-school class (third grade, maybe) to talk about stamp collecting. One of the students introduced him to the rest of the class as a "well-known platypus."

Just goes to show - philately will get you nowhere.

 

[Ibix]

I do that often enough anyway

Sorry to hear that - that's not so much fun.

 

[jtbell]

Another story from "Pat" Herst. He was friends with a stamp dealer who also owned or worked for an auction house that dealt with antiques etc. This guy once received a letter from someone who wanted him to appraise an old, beautiful and possibly valuable bowel that had been in the family for generations.

 

[Borg]

... or throw covertly condoms or pregnancy tests in a shopping cart of a couple.

Or a teenage girl shopping with her mother?

 

[fresh_42]

Or a teenage girl shopping with her mother?

I think father would be more efficient, but mother might work as well.

 

[I-Love-Maths2]

My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing

 

[Ibix]

My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing

That's amazing! Ask her for the symbol for coefficient of friction.

 

[fresh_42]

That's amazing! Ask her for the symbol for coefficient of friction.

I once had one who was a pro in stochastic. Unfortunately she only knew one distribution.

(Source: http://denverpetsupply.net/blog/7204/Hump-Day)

 

[ZapperZ]

A thread on creating a "quantum bomb" just got locked. Looks like it bombed!

Zz.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Surgeon to Mr. Smith (who just had a demanding surgery performed to him):
"Mr. Smith, I'm really sorry, we're going to have to operate on you again tomorrow!"
(Smith:) What!? Why? No way!
(Surgeon:) I'm really sorry Mr. Smith! Unfortunatelly we forgot a pair of plastic surgical gloves inside you! ...
(Smith:) What!? I don't get it! And why? Is that too big of a deal to just charge my account for an extra $1 and buy new ones?!

 

[Ibix]

What do you call an 800lb gorilla with a machine gun?

Sir.

What do you call a deaf gorilla?

Anything you like - gorillas can't read lips.

 

[Mark44]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

Spoiler

A hippo is an animal that weighs over a ton. A Zippo is a little lighter.

 

[davenn]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

Spoiler

A hippo is an animal that weighs over a ton. A Zippo is a little lighter.

an oldie but a goodie, makes me giggle every time

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 221560

Seems familiar! ... But please help me out here. Perhaps it's just that dementia starting! ...

a little lighter

"a little lighter"? ... or just a lighter?

 

[Mark44]

"a little lighter"? ... or just a lighter?

Apparently you didn't get it ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Apparently you didn't get it ...

Don't be so sure. I just gave a different angle ...

 

[Mark44]

Apparently you didn't get it ...

Don't be so sure. I just gave a different angle ...

A "different angle" that completely misses and detracts from the joke. Changing the punch line to "just a lighter" loses the play on words that "a little lighter has."

 

[Stavros Kiri]

A "different angle" that completely misses and detracts from the joke. Changing the punch line to "just a lighter" loses the play on words that "a little lighter has."

Your joke is still there, and I liked it!

 

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

Huh.
I thought he had 2 brothers - Raymond being the only actor.
The second, younger, ended up working in a tire factory, and worked his way up.
His name, would you know it, was Rob.

 

[Drakkith]

His name, would you know it, was Rob.

I heard he worked at a bank. Only for a day though.

 

[OCR]

Don't forget his sister... De. . .

 

[DrGreg]

That reminds me of the armed robber, whose relatives were all armed police officers.

He died recently, surrounded by his family.Joke credit: Milton Jones

 

[Drakkith]

Don't forget his sister... De. . .

De Burr?

 

[OCR]

De Burr?

.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Are these jokes?

 

[Drakkith]

@OCR I'm not sure I get it.

Are these jokes?

The are absolutely most likely possibly jokes.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

possibly

Potentially, in a modal sense, there's a chance that everything could likely, probably, be a joke to somebody, at some point with a certain probability corroborated against to/versus a certain degree of certainty, providing also, at that particular moment, that the particular person actually really gets the joke ... !
[And I have no clue for the ~ last 7 posts ... but that's ok ... it's still fun! ...]

 

[OCR]

OCR I'm not sure I get it.

Yes, it's lame... .

 

[davenn]

another reason why ...

 

[Ibix]

another reason why ...

View attachment 221901

Yeah. They really need another stepladder cable-tied (!) to the side so it can lean against the back wall, for lateral stability.