Collection of Science Jokes P2

[DennisN]

Ok, time for limericking...

I once got a cat from Comox
he liked to play inside my socks
he wanted to run
but physics is fun
I bought him a poisonous box

 

[DrGreg]

A mathematical limerick that I've posted before (in another thread)...

$(12 + 144 + 20$
$+ 3\sqrt{4} )$

$\div 7$
$+ 5 \times 11$​

$= 9^2 + 0$​

Spoiler

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven​

Is nine squared and not a bit more.​

By Leigh Mercer

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

A: "What is the integral of 1/cabin?"

B: "log cabin."

A: "Nope, houseboat--you forgot the C."

 

[fresh_42]

"God exists because arithmetic is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it." (André Weil)

 

[fresh_42]

A student turned to John von Neumann: "Excuse me, Professor von Neumann, could you help me with this analysis problem?" Von Neumann: "Well, if it's fast, I'm very busy." Student: "I'm having trouble with this integral." Von Neumann: "Show me. ... Ah, the result is $\frac {2} {5} \pi$". Student: "I know, but I do not understand how to get it." Von Neumann: "Well, let me see again. ... The answer is $\frac {2} {5} \pi$". "Student (annoyed):" Yes, I know the answer, but I do not know how to derive it!" Von Neumann: "What do you want, I have now calculated it in two different ways!"

 

[davenn]

with all the strong solar activity at the moment, thought this would be appropriate

 

[fresh_42]

Earth.

Yes, I know, mostly harmless and its inhabitants worship small colorful printed papers.
But have you ever seen it as a cloud chamber, which is populated by lifeforms who get excited when bombarded with high energy particles?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Earth.

Yes, I know, mostly harmless and its inhabitants worship small colorful printed papers.
But have you ever seen it as a cloud chamber, which is populated by lifeforms who get excited when bombarded with high energy particles?

That's probably because it gives rise to free spectacles and ... they save "small colorful printed papers"! ...

 

[jack action]

 

[collinsmark]

[Source: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/bagels]

With mouseover, "Also, four cream cheese tubs... of destiny or whatever."

 

[Hawksteinman]

View attachment 210801​

I don't see anything wrong with those?

 

[ISamson]

View attachment 210801​

Why? I don't get it.

 

[Bandersnatch]

I don't see anything wrong with those?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Why? I don't get it.

It's from a similar slogan ...

View attachment 210812

Hawksteinman was just kidding (or at least I hope so! ...)

 

[Hawksteinman]

View attachment 210812

Thanks :D

It's 1:40 in the morning here my brain is tired LOL

Now what about the square root one [emoji23]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Now what about the square root one

Don't worry about it, it's zero.

 

[Hawksteinman]

Don't worry about it, it's zero.

Only if x=3 though?

 

[jack action]

I don't see anything wrong with those?

Why? I don't get it.

And 2 puppies just died.

 

[mfb]

Only if x=3 though?

The equations are true only for x=0.

 

[DennisN]

Maslow's hierarchy of needs (modern version)

 

[Demystifier]

 

[collinsmark]

Cassini Probe Realizes Too Late This Was A Setup All Along

"I’m such an idiot! They were just using me this whole time for my cosmic dust analysis and magnetosphere imaging. I mean, I delivered the Huygens probe to Titan for you, you bastards! You lying scientist bastards!"​

Full article: http://www.theonion.com/article/cassini-probe-realizes-too-late-was-setup-all-alon-56949

 

[Stavros Kiri]

How do we call 'Cassini's Grand Finale' afterwards?

"Crashini's Saturn Crash 2017" ...

 

[dkotschessaa]

Q: What device is used for counting cows?
A: A cowculator.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[dkotschessaa]

For Sale. Baby Rudin. Never read.

 

[collinsmark]

[Source: http://explosm.net/comics/4748/]

 

[mfb]

Why do mathematicians struggle with particle physics?

They think all neutral particles are the same.

$\pi^0=B^0=D^0=\dots=1$

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

 

[DrGreg]

You know you are getting old if...​

...your colleagues think this is
a 3D-printout of the "save" icon.​

Joke adapted from (about 1,630 pages on the internet, according to Google, can't find the originator)
Photo taken by Tarquin 09:50 30 Jun 2003 (UTC), licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported licence.

 

[fresh_42]

You better don't get caught with this one

Or be prepared to mumble something about a work therapy ...

 

[jack action]

You better don't get caught with this one

View attachment 213499

Or be prepared to mumble something about a work therapy ...

Every time I see one of those, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that DOS - which I was required to load every time I opened the computer - was holding on a single floppy and I had a functional computer. Now, to get my functional computer, I need Windows, that would require something like 30 000 floppies! Imagine loading that every time you open the computer!

 

[fresh_42]

Every time I see one of those, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that DOS - which I was required to load every time I opened the computer - was holding on a single floppy and I had a functional computer. Now, to get my functional computer, I need Windows, that would require something like 30 000 floppies! Imagine loading that every time you open the computer!

And I remember I worked on a machine, that had a button which allowed to boost it from 35Mhz to fantastic 60MHz ...

 

[Tom.G]

I remember when getting it to run reliably at 4.77MHz sometimes required that my wife enter the bootstrap code on the front panel switches. SOmetimes I just could NOt get it right!

EDIT: Arrgh, guess I haven't improved much...

 

[jack action]

And I remember I worked on a machine, that had a button which allowed to boost it from 35Mhz to fantastic 60MHz ...

What was really fantastic is that it was called the turbo button! Before you pushed the button, you felt like a race car driver that would barely hold this powerful beast on the track. After pushing the button and noting no differences, you pushed it again, wondering if it was working.

 

[OCR]

Lol... #22

 

[Mark44]

Don't forget 8" floppy disks, one of which is shown here on the left. Back in the mid-80's, the college where I worked bought proprietary word processing systems for the division secretaries. These systems consisted of dedicated hardware with an 8" floppy disk drive.
My first computer, an Apple //e I bought in 1981, had two 5-1/4" drives. As I recall, each diskette could hold a whopping 160 KB of data.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

A truth:

 

[jtbell]

The scariest physicist ever:

(at Florida State University, Tallahassee)

(No, this is not my pic, unfortunately!)

 

[DrClaude]

You better don't get caught with this one

I even know what that blue thing is for. Is it normal that I don't feel old?

 

[DennisN]

The scariest physicist ever:

Diracula... I love it!

 

[davenn]

the yougin' may not understand this one

 

[jack action]

the yougin' may not understand this one

Dammit, I'm old!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Dammit, I'm old!

And I still use them! ...

 

[Mark44]

the yougin' may not understand this one

View attachment 213991

The note should say, "System Restore Disk - Do not erase or attach to a refrigerator with a magnet!"

 

[fresh_42]

the yougin' may not understand this one

View attachment 213991

Good they didn't label it boot disc!

 

[jack action]

And I still use them! ...

I do too!

I use them to transfer files from an old computer used for word processing to my 'Internet' computer. I'm so used to this, that, about 5 years ago, I went to my local newspaper with an ad stored on a disk. They were baffled! The lady finally told me that they still had a reader for it, but they were thinking about throwing it away. She told me: «I guess I will hang on to it a little bit longer!»

I felt the universe was sending me a message about using USB flash drives when getting out of my cave.

 

[fresh_42]

Image source: creators.com