Collection of Science Jokes P2

[collinsmark]

[Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/get-me-a-scientist]

 

[Daz]

Homework Statement

It takes George 45 minutes to install a bollard in the street but it only takes Alex 30 minutes to do the same task. They work together as a team. If George and Alex install 7 bollards in 2 1/2 hours how are they going to get home?

Homework Equations

R = G-W
Where R is distance remaining,
G is the width of the gap, and
W is the width of the vehicle.

The Attempt at a Solution

I reckon they’ll be taking the bus.

 

[Hawksteinman]

So I just made this post on Facebook and thought it was too funny not to share :D

 

[mfb]

The post gets the spin assignments wrong. You need a rotation by 360 degrees divided by the spin. 720 degrees for spin 1/2 (USB in the joke), 360 for spin 1 (USB as it should be) and 180 for spin 2 (USB-c).

 

[DennisN]

For Sale. Baby Rudin. Never read.

I did not get this joke when I read it just now, so I googled and saw it was a math book.
And I found a very funny review of the book: Hilarious review of Baby Rudin on Amazon.

Finally, some people complain about the level of abstraction, which let me just say is not that high. If you want to see abstraction grab a copy of Spanier's 'Algebraic Topology' and stare at it for about an hour. Then open 'Baby Rudin' up again. I promise you the feeling you get when you sit in a hottub for like twenty minutes and then jump back in the pool. Invigorating.

 

[lekh2003]

This gem I found.

 

[lekh2003]

Science class in a nutshell.

 

[Demystifier]

 

[Demystifier]

 

[Demystifier]

 

[Demystifier]

 

[Demystifier]

 

[fresh_42]

I have once read, that Ludwig van Beethoven received a letter by his brother, signed: Johann van Beethoven, Landlord. It said, Beethoven signed his answer with, Ludwig van Beethoven, Brainlord.

 

[Demystifier]

View attachment 220599View attachment 220601

First, the author made an error about spins, the standard USB is spin-1/2, not spin-2.
Second, USB Type-C has solved this problem, it is spin-2: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USB-C

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

hahahaha

 

[davenn]

always knew there was something fundamentally wrong with the world

 

[lekh2003]

View attachment 220956

He should no longer be in pressure. Just a little chip from his shoulder should fix it.

 

[mfb]

Everyone is the center of their own observable universe.

 

[Demystifier]

Everyone is the center of their own observable universe.

It sounds like some version of the Copenhagen interpretation of QM.

 

[fresh_42]

Everyone is the center of their own observable universe.

It sounds like some version of the Copenhagen interpretation of QM.

Messieurs, précision, s.v.p.! The joke says the center and as there is none, it remains true.
It might be a philosophical topic: with people, there is a significant difference between observable and observed universe. Normally, things don't exist for people until observed. So clearly a QM interpretation, but is it really Copenhagen? I think it's more Quantum Bayesianism.

 

[Demystifier]

 

[Demystifier]

 

[256bits]

I thought it was going to be:
Does your dog bite?
No.
Going to pet... Ouch!. He bit me.
I thought you said your dog doesn't bite.
Right. That's not my dog!

To make this a science joke...
Seek medical attention immediately!

 

[mfb]

The joke says the center and as there is none, it remains true.

There is the center of your observable universe, and this center is you. This has nothing to do with quantum mechanics.

 

[fresh_42]

There is the center of your observable universe, and this center is you. This has nothing to do with quantum mechanics.

Yes, but observable restricts the statement to a subclass, which wasn't part of the assertion. It was this subclass, which relates not to QM, but to the famous family of its interpretations.

 

[fresh_42]

Elephant Hunt

Computer scientists hunt elephants by executing Algorithm A:
{Go to Africa

Start at the Cape of Good Hop
Crossing Africa from south to north
bidirectional in east-west direction
Do while crossing

{
Catch every animal you see
Compare each trapped animal with an animal known as elephant
stop on agreement
}​

}

Experienced programmers change Algorithm A by placing an animal known as Elephant in Cairo, so that the program will end properly in any case.

Assembler programmers prefer to run Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

SQL programmers use the following expression:
SELECT Elephant FROM Africa.

NATURAL programmers get an elephant from ADABAS.

LOGO programmers were riding through Africa on their turtle.

COBOL programmers do this on a dinosaur.

BASIC programmers prefer to do this in a velvet-padded single-hauler with the brakes constantly tightened.

C programmers first use sizeof() to determine the amount of memory needed by an elephant, attempting to allocate it, forgetting to check the result and then shoot the elephant with wild pointers.

C ++ programmers insist that the elephant is a class, so they have to bring their own catching methods. And if the elephant should leave Africa, then automatically its destructor is triggered.

PASCAL programmers first mark a point on the map, then write END in front of it and dream of Nicholas Wirth being trampled by an elephant.

MODULA programmers import an elephant from a zoo.

DELPHI programmers download a TElephant component from the Internet and get as many elephants as they like by calling the virtual constructor: Elephant:= TElephant.Create(MySelf)

LISP programmers build a maze of brackets and hope the elephant gets lost in it.

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, removing everything that is not an elephant and catching a remnant element.

Experienced mathematicians will first try to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate practice task.

Mathematics professors prove the existence of at least one non-degenerate elephant and then leave the tracking and trapping of an actual elephant to their students.

Engineers hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching every gray animal that comes their way and taking it as an elephant if the weight does not deviate more than 15% from that of a previously captured elephant.

Economists do not hunt elephants. But they are convinced that the elephants would turn themselves in if they pay them enough.

Statisticians hunt the first animal they see n times and call it an elephant.

Business consultants do not hunt elephants - and many have never hunted anything. But you can hire them by the hour to get good advice.

System analysts would theoretically be able to determine the correlation between hat size and hit rate in elephant hunting if only someone would tell them what an elephant is.

SAP system engineers declare the first-best animal to be an elephant and adapt the idea of an elephant to this animal.

MICROSOFT buys an elephant from the Seattle Zoo, copies it in bulk, speaks to the world that everyone needs one, and that it is the perfect complement to MS Office, and exports 14 million copies to Africa.

 

[mfb]

Yes, but observable restricts the statement to a subclass, which wasn't part of the assertion.

It was in my post.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

I feel like my internet is back in the 60's this week. It's so slow that I can easily capture pictures like this (after about 5 minutes).

 

[mfb]

Two more telescope generations and they can make pictures better than that... ;).
ELT could achieve a resolution of 5 meters at the distance of the Moon.

 

[Borg]

Two more telescope generations and they can make pictures better than that... ;).
ELT could achieve a resolution of 5 meters at the distance of the Moon.

Maybe the generations after that can work on Pluto.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

The joke is how short our lives are in comparison to the cosmos.

 

[davenn]

The joke is how short our lives are in comparison to the cosmos.

View attachment 221715

My Grandad, born 1900,( mums father) just missed seeing Halley twice, say it when 10 yrs old in 1910.
He died at 86, 5-6 months before its return Dave