Collection of Science Jokes P2

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

A new policy for Physics Forums?

 

[DrClaude]

This hits too close to home. I teach quantum mechanics but can't understand my university's accounting...

 

[dkotschessaa]

This hits too close to home. I teach quantum mechanics but can't understand my university's accounting...

My theory is... Yes you can. It's just...so..DULL.

 

[fresh_42]

My theory is... Yes you can. It's just...so..DULL.

My theory is, that the capability is direct proportional to the distance to the next liquor store ...

 

[collinsmark]

Hee hee.

[Source: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/the-other-side-of-the-chessboard-2]

 

[davenn]

 

[julian]

An oxygen atom walks into a bar and tells the barman "I think I have lost an electron"
The barman says "Are you sure?"
The oxygen atom says "Yes, I'm positive."

 

[fresh_42]

Cuius GUT demonstrationem mirabilem sane detexi hanc a PF regulis abhorrere et exiguitas non caperet.
(I have discovered a truly miraculous GUT, however PF rules and size of posts doesn't allow me a development here.)

 

[mfb]

Posuerunt eam in arXiv.

(Put it on arXiv - assuming google translate did a good job)

 

[Wastrophysicist]

http://www.jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/jokes/physicsjokes.html
It's funny to see they have an explanation for every joke for people away from science. Anyway, it's fun.

 

[fresh_42]

http://www.jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/jokes/physicsjokes.html
It's funny to see they have an explanation for every joke for people away from science. Anyway, it's fun.

One joke there was:

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a gin and tonic?" The bartender smiled wryly and replied, "For you, no charge."

Shouldn't it have been:
"If you hurry up, no charge."

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: The Patience Paradox

The less you have from the more you lose.

 

[davenn]

Spoiler: The Patience Paradox

The less you have from the more you lose.

so true !

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[dkotschessaa]

Can anyone vouch for this?

 

[DrClaude]

Can anyone vouch for this?

Yes!

 

[EnumaElish]

Job interview for staff economist.

 

[Battlemage!]

Can anyone vouch for this?
View attachment 111409

Lol that's really funny.

 

[DennisN]

Can anyone vouch for this?

I can vouch for that it is really funny!

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Phellippe Marques]

Can anyone vouch for this?
View attachment 111409

How about silicium?

 

[dkotschessaa]

Why won't the sun go to college?

Spoiler

It already has millions of degrees.

 

[Bandersnatch]

Hullo

Not wanting to make a new thread for this silly endeavour, I'll ask here.

Say, if you wanted to come up with a cheeky cosmology-related science joke, what would it be? (I'm thinking, maybe, to put it on a t-shirt)

The best I can think of is: 'yo mama so fat, her curvature is indistinguishable from flat using current best measurement methods'

Any other ideas?

 

[fresh_42]

Why won't the sun go to college?

Spoiler

It already is bright enough.

 

[dkotschessaa]

Hullo

Not wanting to make a new thread for this silly endeavour, I'll ask here.

Say, if you wanted to come up with a cheeky cosmology-related science joke, what would it be? (I'm thinking, maybe, to put it on a t-shirt)

If I wanted to come up with one, how would I know what it would be until I came up with it?

 

[Bandersnatch]

Grumble grumble. It made sense in my mind when I was writing it! And I was only slightly drunk at the time, too.
No, seriously, I need to learn conditionals, properly, one of these days.

 

[dkotschessaa]

Grumble grumble. It made sense in my mind when I was writing it! And I was only slightly drunk at the time, too.
No, seriously, I need to learn conditionals, properly, one of these days.

Just don't drink and derive!

 

[DennisN]

Speaking of the Sun...

 

[fresh_42]

My new trash can:

It can take an incredible amount of trash before you have to empty it, but it takes quite a while to get it in.

 

[mfb]

The best I can think of is: 'yo mama so fat, her curvature is indistinguishable from flat using current best measurement methods'

Wouldn't her mass lead to spacetime curvature?
On the other hand, if she is within her own photon sphere, light could circle her perfectly.

@fresh_42: A 3 Jupiter mass black hole?

 

[fresh_42]

A 3 Jupiter mass black hole?

I didn't put much effort in the calculation, I simply took a 30 cm Schwarzschild radius and fed the formula here. Should have been .2 instead of 5, but you know, the error margin

 

[DennisN]

I simply took a 30 cm Schwarzschild radius

Interesting, that's about three times (π?) the Schwarzenegger radius (biceps radius):