Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[Math Is Hard]

Actually the debate was over Acrylic vs. Tempura. The debate was quickly resolved through a taste test sponsored by EBARD where only one of the two mediums was found to be a tasty dipping sauce for battered and fried vegetables.

How hard would it be to tie-dye a donkey?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How hard would it be to tie-dye a donkey?

I'm not sure. I know Mexicans do it all the time, but I don't know how. It's related to pinata technology.


Does anyone know the rule for the direction of the candy motion when you whack a pinata into a magnetic field?

 

[jimmy p]

I'm not sure. I know Mexicans do it all the time, but I don't know how. It's related to pinata technology.


Does anyone know the rule for the direction of the candy motion when you whack a pinata into a magnetic field?

You speak of El Burro-Bandito's Law of Magnetic Glucose Displacement. I haven't read much of it, but I know it is something to do with the size:sugar ratio and the angle at which the pinata is hit, and whether the pinata is tye-dyed or plain.

For more information, look at www.colourfulpinatawhacking.com[/URL]


If you tie a freshly tye-dyed pinata up and whack it at a magnetic field only to find it was a real donkey, would you feel a bit of an ass?

 

[Gokul43201]

No, but I'm sure you would if you slid your hand up a ...[CENSORED MATERIAL].

Did you know that Kurt Masur becomes really good, when cryogenically frozen ?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Kurt Masur? No way - you're confused. I think you are thinking of Cool Whip. That stuff tastes great frozen. It's just like ice cream.

I was just remembering how we used to go out hunting for quantum wells when I was a kid. Oh, those were fun times! We would get some positively charged bait and tie it on a string and then lower it down into the well. You had to jiggle the string a little bit, but sure enough, a few minutes later an electron would bite and you could yank it up out of the hole.
Once everybody had an electron, we'd draw a circle on the ground and everybody would put their electrons inside the ring and we'd make 'em fight each other like little tiny gladiators. Oh, man! That was so-
Wait, no.. it's not electrons I'm thinking of.. that was something else. What WERE those things??

 

[Rader]

Kurt Masur? No way - you're confused. I think you are thinking of Cool Whip. That stuff tastes great frozen. It's just like ice cream.

I was just remembering how we used to go out hunting for quantum wells when I was a kid. Oh, those were fun times! We would get some positively charged bait and tie it on a string and then lower it down into the well. You had to jiggle the string a little bit, but sure enough, a few minutes later an electron would bite and you could yank it up out of the hole.
Once everybody had an electron, we'd draw a circle on the ground and everybody would put their electrons inside the ring and we'd make 'em fight each other like little tiny gladiators. Oh, man! That was so-
Wait, no.. it's not electrons I'm thinking of.. that was something else. What WERE those things??

Man those were bumble bees, they eat electrons, that's why they buzz around. By counting the electons swallowed you can calculate the angular momentum and thus know there age.

How come you do not know that?

 

[Daggath]

Because I was breathing too much air when the teacher was giving that lecture.

How come air can be so addicting?

 

[The Bob]

Because I was breathing too much air when the teacher was giving that lecture.

How come air can be so addicting?

Because oxygen tastes nice and as there is only a smallish amount in the air you need more and more and more and it gets addictive.

Why is there only a small amount of oxygen in air?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

Why is there only a small amount of oxygen in air?

Evil air fairies are rationing it so when we are hooked, the air fairies will start charging us by the bottle, then use that money to bribe the governments and take over the world. They will make us all their slaves and we will be forced to work in their glitterdust mines or be forced to cold turkey. You have been warned.

How can we stop the evil air fairies from taking over?

 

[The Bob]

Evil air fairies are rationing it so when we are hooked, the air fairies will start charging us by the bottle, then use that money to bribe the governments and take over the world. They will make us all their slaves and we will be forced to work in their glitterdust mines or be forced to cold turkey. You have been warned.

How can we stop the evil air fairies from taking over?

Kill them.

What with?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

What with?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Silly string them to catch them in mid air, and then use a fly swat.

How should you clean up fairy guts?

 

[The Bob]

Silly string them to catch them in mid air, and then use a fly swat.

How should you clean up fairy guts?

With a cloth and disinfectant.

What disinfectant?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[plover]

How should you clean up fairy guts?

In general, you have to burn them. Unfortunately, fairy combustion uses up vast amounts of oxygen. Which leaves us with the original problem...

It is well known that fairies are made up of glittery matter. It is theorized that if fairies come into contact with dark matter, they de-nature into ordinary matter. (Apparently they turn into garden gnomes which, as a rule, can be satisfyingly demolished with a moderate sized rock.)

How will we find enough dark matter to combat the fairy menace before we all end up in the mines?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How will we find enough dark matter to combat the fairy menace before we all end up in the mines?

I'm not sure I buy this "fairy menace" propaganda. Mostly they're harmlessly preoccupuied with showtunes and interior decorating, aren't they?

On the other hand, I don't like the sound of "Garden Gnomes". What is it they're up to in the garden?

 

[Daggath]

Perhaps they are ploting to take over the world, or get revenge on whom ever turned them into gnomes.. Why do the first letters of "Garden Gnomes" when put together become GG ( Good game ) ?

 

[The Bob]

Perhaps they are ploting to take over the world, or get revenge on whom ever turned them into gnomes.. Why do the first letters of "Garden Gnomes" when put together become GG ( Good game ) ?

We have moved on from the point of the fairies and how to destroy them but I think it is the same so that the gnomes had little to remember. 'What do we say after a game??' 'Oh we can say GG because that the same as the big gate and it says 'Garden Gnomes' so we can remember it'.

Why are Garden Gnomes stupid?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[quarkman]

Why are Garden Gnomes stupid?

Because Garden Gnomes live in the garden and never do any gardening!

Why did I even bother to read the first eight pages of this thread?

 

[jimmy p]

Why did I even bother to read the first eight pages of this thread?

Because you are a garden gnome in disguise.

Why do peoplpe who have garden gnomes have to adorn the rest of their garden with tat?

 

[plover]

Why do peoplpe who have garden gnomes have to adorn the rest of their garden with tat?

The laws concerning the ethical treatment of garden gnomes require that they be kept in an approximation of their native habitat. The SPCGG takes this very seriously.

The original SPCGG was founded in the early 20th century by Prudence Rottweiler Thrushburnmoorport (a distant cousin to the Dufflehintington Thrushburnmoorports). How did "Puncie" (as she was called) become obsessed with the ethical treatment of garden gnomes?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Puncie's first love was a garden gnome, and in those times romance between gnomes and humans was strictly forbidden, especially if the romance involved an heir to the Thrushburnmoorport estate. Her family would not allow the marriage to take place, but she remained a sworn champion of gnome rights until her last days. Years later her cause was continued by a group in France calling themselves the Garden Gnome Liberation Front. http://www.cnn.com/2000/STYLE/arts/04/12/france.gnomes.reut/

What sort of clashes tend to arise between this French group, and the American organization, People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes, and how do their ideologies differ?

 

[The Bob]

What sort of clashes tend to arise between this French group, and the American organization, People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes, and how do their ideologies differ?

Big clashes.

(To change the subject) Why do peas come in pods?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do peas come in pods?

Peas are concerned about the welfare of whales, but since they are incapable of direct action to "save" the whales, the best they can do is pay homage by adopting the same group term.

Why is it that peas are concerned about the welfare of whales?

 

[Gokul43201]

Peas are really the godfathers of whales. You know that pea plants have this crazy ability to convert atmospheric nitrogen into nutrition providing nitrates. Nutrition, my @$$ ! The peas are 'really' only removing nitrogen from the air for the benefit of their godchildren - the chosen ones. By removing nitrogen, they make the air a little more oxygen rich. To you and me, this is not a big deal...if we need more oxygen, we inhale. Now, you know who needs to make a crazy long trip just to grab some extra air - wouldn't it be nice, if they could get a little more each time ? So, that's the real explanation.

The pea plants. ladies and gentlemen, are really more than just Godfathers to the whales. <drumroll> They are Supreme Beings whose mission is to rid man of God. They noticed some time ago, that this dude called Charlie was having a hard time convincing the folks about something he called Evolution. So, they fooled some Austrian monk into conjuring up a thing called Genetics. This provided beautiful evidence for Charlie's Theory. And thus began the strongest Ain't-God movement in history.

But if the peas are really Supreme Beings, shouldn't we worship them instead ?

 

[The Bob]

But if the peas are really Supreme Beings, shouldn't we worship them instead ?

We should but the ISBC (International Supreme Beings Commity) has said that peas are to seen as a 'normal' being so we do not worship them. If we did then they would take over the world.

What would a world ruled by peas be like?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[quarkman]

What would a world ruled by peas be like?

First of all there would be no more movies or sitcoms where a child is forced to eat their peas before desert. Peas and lesser vegetables (who are still part of the same supreme family) would be seen as a delicacy and worshiped via a wookie prayer prior to consumption. Next any important political figure who eats vegetables and vomits would be instantly deported to the peapod flats of eternally smelly compost where they will be forced to eat dirt and excrete fresh air for the rest of us.

If you ate dirt, what type of dirt would be the best tasting?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If you ate dirt, what type of dirt would be the best tasting?

Very, very difficult to say. It's all so good.


Recently when I was in Hamsterdam I visited the Vaan GKockgh(choke/cough) museum to observe his gritty, savagely honest portrait of poverty, The Dirt Eaters. Did you know that Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough) was so poor, himself, that he had to make his own paints from used motor oil and whatever roughly reddish, yellowish, and bluish dirt he could beg from impoverished dirt eaters of his acquaintance, and that, in lean times, he had to subsist on his own paints? Didja know that? Huh?

 

[Math Is Hard]

I did know that, and in fact much more. It was for good reason that Vaan GKockgh was sometimes known as Vaan de Multi-Couloure, as his ingestion of pigments in lean times affected his personal hue. When Vaan went mad in later days he was remembered by his habit of wearing a specially crafted suit of mirrors in order to reflect all wavelengths of light and not be discriminated against because of his funny pigmentation.

When Vaan wrote his poetic tribute to the Rainbow Donkeys:

At the Water's Edge
like Braying Butterflies
those Stubborn Jewels
the Many-hued Donkeys
Stood Adored by the Light
Reflected from the Sun-sparked Sea!

was he truly thinking of rainbow-colored donkeys or was this a pastoral reflection on his own physical condition and the patronage he held from Countess de Sparksun, who was rumored to be his lover?

 

[zoobyshoe]

...was he truly thinking of rainbow-colored donkeys or was this a pastoral reflection on his own physical condition and the patronage he held from Countess de Sparksun, who was rumored to be his lover?

Patronage? I believe you have Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough) mixed up with Vaan Beeteater, the composter, who had a patron or two, and whose first name was also Vaan, but who did not eat paint, (or beets, in spite of the name) but who did gnaw on a piano stool leg once or twice during lean times, and who was also frequently off color, sporting, as he did, a beet-red complexion, the result of a childhood bout with the beet pox. Vaan Beeteater's famous albumenblatt "Furry Lisa" was composted in honor of the Countess Elisabeard de Sparksun. Or so they speculate.

So, what you're trying to say is that the vivid, impersonistic colors in Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) self portraits were not artistic enhancements for he purpose of laying bare the state of his soul, but rather, the true to life colors of his pigment-nourished derma?

 

[jimmy p]

So, what you're trying to say is that the vivid, impersonistic colors in Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) self portraits were not artistic enhancements for he purpose of laying bare the state of his soul, but rather, the true to life colors of his pigment-nourished derma?

Dude... He sweated yellow paint!

Much as Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) life is interesting and vivid, I must bring the subject back to Whales. We are supposed to save the whales but if I were held a knifepoint, why won't a narwhal wouldn't come to my rescue?

 

[The Bob]

Dude... He sweated yellow paint!

Much as Vaan Gkockgh(choke/cough's) life is interesting and vivid, I must bring the subject back to Whales. We are supposed to save the whales but if I were held a knifepoint, why won't a narwhal wouldn't come to my rescue?

Because Narwhals can't move fast and so are useless at resuces. They have to come from the North Pole to Japan or Canada to get the knifer. Not fast enough.

How do we make Narwhals faster?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[zoobyshoe]

How do we make Narwhals faster?

Ron Popeill is working on this as we speak. Keep an eye out for his upcoming infomercial on NarZip, available in aeorsol cans.

Much as Narwhals are interesting I would like to turn the subject matter back to the issue of luminous, Africanized field mice since it's been in the news so much lately. Can anyone tell me the chief danger associated with trying to pet a luminous, Africanized field mouse?

 

[The Bob]

Ron Popeill is working on this as we speak. Keep an eye out for his upcoming infomercial on NarZip, available in aeorsol cans.

Much as Narwhals are interesting I would like to turn the subject matter back to the issue of luminous, Africanized field mice since it's been in the news so much lately. Can anyone tell me the chief danger associated with trying to pet a luminous, Africanized field mouse?

If they become too bright, they grow bigger and grow mind of their own. Then they are uncontrollable and they can wipe out towns at a time. Not nice.

How do you stop a giant field mouse attack?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

How do you stop a giant field mouse attack?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Simple. These giant fieldmice are in Africa. So to stop them attacking you, jump into a pride of lions.

What is the problem with this solution?

 

[plover]

What is the problem with this solution?

Lions are deathly afraid of giant fieldmice, and can hear them coming a mile off, so the lions are never around when you need them.

Why did sales of Acme Hyper-Spring™ Lion-Seeking Fieldmouse Safety Boots (5 mile range; safety from giant fieldmice guaranteed or your money back) never take off?

 

[The Bob]

Why did sales of Acme Hyper-Spring™ Lion-Seeking Fieldmouse Safety Boots (5 mile range; safety from giant fieldmice guaranteed or your money back) never take off?

They were too heavy and expensive and most people just died. Plus the design fault of the boots was that the 5 mile range was only in front of you, so if the Giant African Fieldmouse was behind you, you have no hope.

Why did the company not make the range 180°?

The Bob (2004 ©)