Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[JamesU]

approx. 17. 18 if he's mad...

Moonbear, how many years is your mac out of date?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Moonbear, how many years is your mac out of date?

Dangling by a string off a scaffolding erected around the Great Sphinx of Egypt is a corked bottle with half the label torn off. Inside the bottle is the torn piece of label. On that piece of paper is written the anser to your quetion. Yousouf, the scaffold man, received that anser in a dream he had last night about 3:45 AM Cairo time. He arose in a state of agitation, commanded his wife to heat the coffee water, and sat down to write his dream down before it slipped from his memory. Finding a stump of a pencil, he nevertheless was thwarted in his attempt to locate any paper, so he tore the label off an old bottle and scrawled his nocturnal revelation onto that. He popped the scrap into the bottle, corked it, and has had it with him all day, as he goes about his work on the scaffold. Someday, he has faith, he will learn the quetion to the anser.


Recently I saw the most horrifying horror film: Night Of The Living Thread. It was the story of a dead thread that was brought back to life throught the desparate voodoo incantations of a demented poster. Unfortunately it had been zombified, and it staggered, unseeing and groping it's way forward, bumping into trees and fences and tripping over parking lot speed bumps, and getting clipped by passing cars, and eventually ended up crawling on all fours. After about a half hour of this, an Egyptian scaffold worker comes running along, runs smack into the zombie thread, falls over it and accidently breaks the corked bottle he is clutching to his chest. About then, I went out for popcorn and ran into my old partner in crime Shooby Zoo. I was astonished to see him there, and we got to reminiscing, and I missed the end of the movie. Anyone know what happened next?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Do you mean what happened after you bumped into Shooby or what happened at the end of the movie? As for the former, I’m pretty sure if you check your back pocket you’ll find your wallet, your lucky hamster, and your over-medium-sized abridged copy of Chineyman’s story of his harried search to find his politically exiled lost brother, “The Pressure of Finding Ting-Tsao”, missing from your person.

Shoob’s a notorius klepto. Nice guy and all, but, you know..

But as for the end of the movie, a shard from the bottle pierced the thread and it was found out, what everyone suspected all along, that the thread was hollow. From then on it did not move, but a few people kept stamping on it. The quetion, however, flew from the bottle, because it could not be any longer contained, and it was snatched up to heaven by the Blessed Flying Otters of Otsirus, the little known Egyptian Otter-headed God.

This reminds me of a ‘speriment that’s going on the university. Somebody discovered that beet-extract enhances intelligence so every day they feed a couple of liters of beet juice to otters to see if it makes them any smarter. The otters don’t seem to be getting much more intelligent though. They still score poorly on IQ tests and most can barely tie their shoes.

It just proves what my grandma always said: You can feed a borscht to otters but you can’t make ‘em think.

Have you ever heard of a Borscht-ach test?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Have you ever heard of a Borscht-ach test?

According to The Diagonal And Striated Manual Of Metal Disoverages the Borscht-ach test is an inportant, and indespensible tool used by the Shrinkiatric community to appear to be extremely busy and to be analyzing something that only they can understand, in terms that can't be explained, except to other Shrinkiatrists. That information may not be correct, however, since my informant was a gentleman I found sleeping behind a dumpster in an alley, at the back of a Chinese restaurant.

It has happened to me from time to time that I converse with people electronically. These people are all suspect to begin with, since they have impossible names like Calculus Is Sopporific, SleepParalysis or Ebble. You have to wonder about their parents, giving them these names. Anyway, it happens from time to time that one of these electronic people wants to converse with me by E-Mail about things like the fine points of Jellitivity, the philosophic traditions of the Zoobie race, or some such. Each time I agree to this kind of private conversation, I find that messages from person I expected to hear from are intercepted by complete strangers, who have names like Bob, Sally, and Jane, but who write back pretending to be the original quetioner. So far I have put up with this nonsence with a straight face, and have gone along with the charade, but I am really kind of getting tired of this group of imposters. Is there nothing the administraion can do to prevent Joe, Alice, and Jim from interrupting my conversations with the likes of AlgebraMigraine, NightTerrors, or Evvilo?

 

[The Bob]

Is there nothing the administraion can do to prevent Joe, Alice, and Jim from interrupting my conversations with the likes of AlgebraMigraine, NightTerrors, or Evvilo?

It may take a while and a lot of begging needed but I am sure you can. It can get annoying with this strange names, never sure who is who with all the changing.

What do you think is the main reason that people change it for?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[zoobyshoe]

What do you think is the main reason that people change it for?

On the surface it's unmitigated mischief making. However, if you dig into the seamy underworld beneath our illusory day to day existence, and peer into the shocking subterranean motivations squirming below like a mass of greasy, premature marsupials, you find, to your horror, that it is unmitigated mischief making.


That reminds me of a story: It is said that Byzantine era King Arimmigan The Second of Sylvaniavania (now upper and lower Avania) was so repelled by the sight of any image of the band Kiss that he fled in terror from any room containing any of their CDs. Knowing this, his jealous brother, Barckonium plotted to drive Arimmigan mad and succeed to the throne in his place. Sending his henchmen to scour the country for any an all Kiss images that might be found to be used to terrify his susceptible sibling, Barckonium sat back to plot their distribution around the castle in various places where Arimmigan would happen upon them unawares.

Becoming sensible to this plot, Peeco, the Royal Auto Detailer, decided to side with the evil upstart Barckonium in the hope of a reward of a new CD player, and approached him with his entire collection of old Kiss 33rpm vinyl records.

Somehow, though, I can't seem to recall what happened next, despite the fact I do remember having written a paper about the whole incident for extra credit in the obligatory Sylvaniavanian History class we all had to suffer through in high school, (and having received an A+ for my efforts, at that).

Does anyone know what happened next?

 

[The Bob]

Does anyone know what happened next?

It came back to life, stronger than ever - ready for another day.

Can someone give me the history behind maluable plastics?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Can someone give me the history behind maluable plastics?

Maluable® Plastics are plastics capable of being Malued, but only under specific, rigorously controlled conditions. Maluing is a process developed during the middle ages for the treatment of lumber whose aim was to protect wood frame building from infestation by carpenter beetles. Carpenter Beetles were a great problem: they hatched in the Spring and, having infested a wood frame building, set about reconstructing it, nearly always doing a superior job to the original carpenters. The carpenter's feelings hurt, they worked to devise a repellent that would keep the beetles away, eventually settling on a mixture of creosote, cinamon, and the urine of "sturdy widows of blonde hair under the age of 35." This was "malu".

Despite years of effort, however, such industry greats as Dupont, and Goodyear, among others, could find no way to successfully malu any plastic or rubber products. The breakthrough came in 1987 when the independent team of Sticking, Widdles, Hemberjibs, et al, published their remarkable paper: A Successful Method Of Maluing PolyVinylChloride. They had broken the "malu barrier", as it was called, and were showered with fame and fortune. They were invited, as a group, to leave their jobs at Wendy's and become part of the second string night shift at Ron Popeill industries, where they remain today, each with his own cubicle, and plenty of printer paper to make airplanes out of.

Since Carpenter Beetles have never ever been interested in modifying any plastic structure or product whatever, what is the point of "malued" plastic?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Research at Popeil Labs showed that malued plastic was as effective at repelling certain organic substances as malued lumber was at repelling carpenter beetles. A long standing problem at their sister organization, Poopeil Labs, has been the development of an easy to clean cat box, since, as we all know, kitty poop is the strongest adhesive known to man. Malued plastic litter pans should be hitting the market this Christmas, with any luck.

The other day I was watching a movie that was subtitled in Braille with a friend of mine. He said that Braille is a dead language because no one ever speaks it anymore. You suppose there's any truth to that?

 

[penguinraider]

Since Carpenter Beetles have never ever been interested in modifying any plastic structure or product whatever, what is the point of "malued" plastic?

Malued plastic has always been coveted by the great roman emperor Nero. After receiving a vial of malu from the Blessed Flying Otters of Otsirus, he discovered that, when heated over a low simmer for 45 minutes and with a bit of garlic to taste, it would turn ordinary christians into mindless slaves when it was poured over them and cooked at 250 degrees for about 1 1/2 hours. However, he was a very impatient man, and so thought, "to hell with it, it's easier to burn the miscreants" (BTW, No offence meant to any christians, I'm one myself). And so he did.

I've heard that Malu was an essential ingredient in greek fire. Can anybody verify that?

 

[zoobyshoe]

The other day I was watching a movie that was subtitled in Braille with a friend of mine. He said that Braille is a dead language because no one ever speaks it anymore. You suppose there's any truth to that?

It is actually still spoken on an isolated island off the coast of Scotland where the inhabitants, descendents of 4 Brailleish couples whose yacht wrecked there in 1954, have been effectively cut off from modern civilization since. These people, are in fact, frequently used as informants for books and film wishing to authentically portray Brailleish culture and language, and no doubt, were consulted for the film you watched.

Speaking of dead languages. a zombie rang my doorbell last night and when I answered he said "Ddddgftryyg nbcvvfgdf iuy yrgbfhd sawwweesrrt?" Anyone know what he asked?

 

[brewnog]

The other day I was watching a movie that was subtitled in Braille with a friend of mine. He said that Braille is a dead language because no one ever speaks it anymore. You suppose there's any truth to that?

Braille was spoken by the Braillians on weekdays up until 1965, until Norma Theltwistle and the Rogue Linguists instigated a ban on all forms of communication on days with a "y" in their name. After several weeks, the citizens of Bra realized that they'd been conned, but were prohibited from discussing any solution to their problem. This unfortunate Catch-22 situation persisted for several months, before Himla Theltwistle admitted that her mother Norma had grown tired of the non-verbal insults which had been arriving at her letterbox every morning since the ban was imposed. Norma fled the village in tears and a taxi, and has not been heard of since. The Braillians soon realized that their linguistic traditions were no longer in keeping with the rest of the civilised world, and reluctantly adopted Latin as their language of choice, although they save Braille for special occasions (Easter, Wednesdays etc).

There have been reports that Norma was carrying an illegitimate child when she departed the homestead of Bra, and that she set up a small commune deep in the woods, where she taught the evils of the Braille language and way of life. Ironically, she used the very same Braillian tongue she had banned in order to indoctrinate her followers. Residents of the nearby village, Brumscroop, deny the rumours that this commune exists.

Why did the citizens of Bra adopt Latin as their tongue?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Malued plastic has always been coveted by the great roman emperor Nero...

Good one, but MIH beat you. My quetion is up next to be ansered.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Braille was spoken by the Braillians on weekdays up until 1965...

Good one, but I beacha!

 

[brewnog]

Speaking of dead languages. a zombie rang my doorbell last night and when I answered he said "Ddddgftryyg nbcvvfgdf iuy yrgbfhd sawwweesrrt?" Anyone know what he asked?

"Ddddgftryyg nbcvvfgdf iuy yrgbfhd sawwweesrrt?" is the zombie translation for "I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm heavily bleeding, could I borrow some Elastoplast?". I'm actually rather surprised you knew it was a quetion, since I've heard that zombie intonation is not a specialist study of zoobies.

What's the most effective way to kill a zombie?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What's the most effective way to kill a zombie?

Depends if you want speed or permanancy. Most of the fast ways of killing them don't take, and they're back sooner or later. The only permanent way is to have them cremated in the rural British village of Brumscroop, by any or all members of the Sisterhood Of The Otters Of Osiris, on a pyre of malued oak wood. (The villagers, of course, will deny it ever happened.)

Speaking of otters, several of these playfull creatures knocked on my door a few days ago and began performing various antic gymnastics, whose purpose was obscure to me. Anyone else ever run into this sort of door-to-door cute, furry sort of olympic games?

 

[Kazza_765]

Not otters, but I have possums running around the roof at night. It sounds like they are training for the 100 metre sprint.

Why does popeye only have super strength when he eats a can of spinach? And why doesn't he ever eat fresh spinach, only spinach from a can?

 

[Rabid]

In his younger years Popeye hijacked a truckload of spinach that was being smuggled by a militia planning to overthrow the government. The spinach was laced with PCP and a number of other chemicals intended to create an army of super soldiers. This was in the first episode of Popeye, but network executives refused to air it. The omission of this episode has led to the popular misconception that spinach creates super strenght, an evil plot to get children to eat their spinach, of which I myself became a victim.

With the advancements in the design of anabolic steroids and the ability to mask them from testing, what will the next generation of athletes look like and will there be new sports invented that will be more suited to them?

 

[Mk]

The spaghetti monster https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=80506.

What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What's the answer to life, the universe and
everything?

That was given in a post somewhere back on about page 29 of this thread. It was encrypted as a Stupid Anser, and posted by Mr. Robin Parsons. He PM'd me with the decryption infomation, but I can't remember where I put the envelope I wrote it down on. In addition to the answer to life, the universe and everything, that same gentlemen PM'd me the T.o.E. and the G.U.T. I bet if I looked around I could still find them somewhere.

I was alarmed recently when I read of this new disease going around that is communicable through quantum entanglement. Apparently it progresses through quite a series of horrific stages, starting from the Planck's jitters all the way through to a stage of insanity where the sufferer believes he must constantly be observed 24 hours a day to prevent himself from reverting to an uncollapsed wave function. Any one heard any news about this?

 

[Mk]

Why yes I have. After I did, I killed him with three items any PFer has lying around the house. A pure neodyum shovel, with a 20 pound canister of compressed air, and a duck dipped in melted nacho cheese.

The question is... how did I kill him?

 

[zoobyshoe]

The question is... how did I kill him?

You intimidated him with the shovel, while you ate the nacho duck, gulped as much compressed air into your stomach as it would accommodate, and waited for chemistry to take its course. When the reaction was complete you farted him to death.


How long does it take to die that way?

 

[Mk]

It only took fractions of a second for several internal organs to rupture after swallowing all that compressed air. I died then exploded. CSI and police investigators mistook it for an extream case of flatulence.

Whatever happened to the Mister Parsons.?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Whatever happened to the Mister Parsons.?

The amazing Mr. P. attained the seventh level of transcendence of the Laterally Inclined Church of Photonic Phase Change Pending and became a being of Light, Pure Light. Frequency: unknown. Infrequency: often.


Once, when I was crawling on all fours toward the fifth annual meeting of The Brothers Of The Reinstated Monochromatic Syllogism For The New Epiphenomenal Millenium I happened to meet Professor Stivius F. Whisley squirming in the other direction. Since we had never been formally introduced I felt more than a nod hello would be regarded as grossly forward of me, so I grabbed his hand and pumped it up and down over-enthsiastically practically shouting "Great lecture the other night! Great lecture!"

Squinting up at me through rheumy red eyes, he gurgled: "Got a piece of chalk?"

Did I have any?

 

[Smurf]

reaching down the front of your trousers you manage to pull out not one but six hundred thousand million forty five hundred thousand, six hundred... and seventy peices of NASA quality rootbeer string.

Why does this thread still exist?

 

[Kazza_765]

This thread almost became non-existant during the great PF uprising of 1942, when several disgruntled mailmen went on suicidal rampages. According to the Great Convention which ensued this bloody period of 'ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer' history, this thread must be preserved for all eternity.

Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?

 

[genep]

Two rules for stupidity

There are two rules of stupidity:

The first rule of stupidity: the answer is always more stupid than the question.
The second rule of stupidity: only the wise and learned cannot laugh at the answers that are always more stupid than the questions.
=-=
If these rules seem surreal then try asking a question that is not stupid, like: how can the universe exist if there are no anti-particles that the universe must have to exist?
Now try to find an answer that is less stupid than the question.
-- just thoughts

 

[Math Is Hard]

This thread almost became non-existant during the great PF uprising of 1942, when several disgruntled mailmen went on suicidal rampages. According to the Great Convention which ensued this bloody period of 'ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer' history, this thread must be preserved for all eternity.

Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?

Twas me! <chomp chomp> If you didn't want me to have it, you should not have left it unlocked.

How many disgruntled mailmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How many disgruntled mailmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Trick quetion. You can't even fit one disgruntled mailman in a light bulb, much less the minimun number to screw.

If I require all readers under the age of 18 to not get that anser will they comply?

 

[Mk]

Trick question, all under the age of 18 cannot comply.

Who dusts the countertable?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who dusts the countertable?

This is accomplished by a very large, fluffy, unique cat which was born with the propensity for leaping onto flat surfaces after having charged its fur by rubbing itself against things like sofas and other fabric apolstered furniture or carpet. Jumping onto the countertable, its underside charges the tops of all heretofore neutrally (on average) charged dust particles by induction with a charge opposite to its own underside. These oppositely charged dust motes are, therefore, attracted up off the table to the cats fur. This is a surprise to the cat, who then leaps off the table, dust attached, before the charges begin to equalize and the dust falls off.

This particular cat was discoverd accidently by Selven G. Pisterling, PhD in the year 2003 in the city of DesMoines, Iowa, USA. In an attempt to trace the origins of the cat's proclivity for jumping onto flat surfaces after having charged itself, triboelectrically, he delved into the cat's lineage and discovered both its parents demonstrated even more remarkable behaviors which, neither taken separately nor together, could account for the behavior of the cat in question, but which were certainly objects of curiosty in and of themselves.

What remarkable things could the cat's parents do?

 

[penguinraider]

The cat's father was owned by a man named Mr Enjo, and he had a suprising ability of cleaning windows, tiles and dishes with his fur. Of course, Mr Enjo being brilliant, and cruel, skinned the cat and sold it's fur as cleaning the products. His mother had the curse of being the first magnetized mammal in existence. She lived on a ship and died as she couldn't escape from the ship's anchor, which was lowered, and she drowned.

What was the name of the ship?

 

[QE]

Ship changed it's name often. It was built back in 1488. as a carrack for a Spanish-Italian explorer Dumbo Garcia Vesquez de la Boloniese Ciciolio. He was determined to go to India with this ship, but he had problems with administration with naming the ship. After Columbus' discovery he decided to become a pirate and named it Athos. He didn't have a noticeable career as a pirate, and died in 1449. He left Athos to his cousin Daffy de Runnia a la al Dente Moderato who had it anchored in Venezuela all his life. Ship was in bad condition, and was crawling with rats. What they didn't know is that Athos was near a radioactive rock. It's radiation made rats mutate in super-rats - people tell that they were more than 25 feet long, had purple fur and x-ray sight and a 1MW laser on their back. But somehow they didn't leave the ship.

Daffy left Athos to his friend, a Russian-Irish scientist Harry Yurye O'Shag Zdravstuyityi. He gave the ship to his daughter which he had with his Japanese mistress Xo-Yo-Zo. She decided to sink the boat to perform an extermination. Rats fled, and it is believed that they went to Bermuda, causing phenomenas associated under the name Bermuda's triangle.
Ship was repaired by Go-Go Zdravsvuyity Gandhi, Harry's grandson who renamed it into Psilocybin due to his experiments with drugs.

It isn't known what happened to the ship after Go-Go's death. It's trace is lost until 1935. when it shipwrecked on a German military officer's beach house. Lt. Hans von Kirchodinger-Berliner was fascinated by vessels; he restaurated it till 1940. and named it Koginnschpehelaugen. At the end of the WWII American-French secret agent John Pierrrre Versaille Smith stole the ship. In the sixties he transformed it into a party ship. He named it Look-at-the-colours,-man! and held wild orgies there.

Due to his tax problems IRS took the ship and gave it to the US Navy. In 1979. it was equipped with 25 nuclear warheads and named Freedom for the World 3. It is still sailing our oceans, being the first and only wooden ship with nuclear weapons.


Who is the present captain of this ship?

 

[The Bob]

Who is the present captain of this ship?

The present captain must be Bob Kingsley. A great captain.

He fought off (5 to 1) 100 ships and had deaths in the hundreds. He, himself, had to have his leg re-attached but still fought on. Amazing.

What other injuries did Bob sustain?

The Bob (2004 ©)

P.S. From the ASHES.

 

[dracobook]

he became a sponge