Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[mattmns]

You are supposed to ask a quetion dracobook!

Why is this thread not as popular as the thread killer thread?

 

[Gokul43201]

Why is this thread not as popular as the thread killer thread?

Because this thread, unlike the other one, demands intelligence of its participants.

So, earlier this month, when I was driving through Utah, I was thinking to myself: "Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?"

 

[zoobyshoe]

So, earlier this month, when I was driving through Utah, I was thinking to myself: "Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?"

More like guilt.

Have you ever noticed that when you climb a sycamore tree and honk like a seal, it drives the neighborhood dogs nuts?

 

[moose]

More like guilt.

Have you ever noticed that when you climb a sycamore tree and honk like a seal, it drives the neighborhood dogs nuts?

Yes I have noticed.


When you are in your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to row up a waterfall in 72* C ?

 

[JamesU]

approx. 1,000,000

If you dump 5,000,000 packs of paper on a used-to-be rainforest site, will it make those tree-huggers STFU?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If you dump 5,000,000 packs of paper on a used-to-be rainforest site, will it make those tree-huggers STFU?

Yes, if you dump it on them.

What's the minimum number of canoes it would take to surround the island of Manhattan and level it by flinging pancakes with small, portable trebouchés?

 

[EnumaElish]

What's the minimum number of canoes it would take to surround the island of Manhattan and level it by flinging pancakes with small, portable trebouchés?

11,264.

What is the average IQ of all intelligent life forms presently living on Earth?

 

[Gokul43201]

What is the average IQ of all intelligent life forms presently living on Earth?

Sorry, I don't happen to know my IQ off the top of my head.

I've thinking about the other good threads here and remembered the 'Coffins for sale at Costco' (or something like that, anyway) thread. And that got me wondering... when you buy a coffin, does it come with a lifetime guarantee ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

I've thinking about the other good threads here and remembered the 'Coffins for sale at Costco' (or something like that, anyway) thread. And that got me wondering... when you buy a coffin, does it come with a lifetime guarantee ?

The manager at the local CostCo has just informed me over the phone that, yes, each coffin is guarranteed for the life of the coffin. So, as long as nothing goes wrong with it before it fails, they'll replace or repair anything excluding hinges, external surfaces, or interior fabric.

Recently, after taking a gulp of mouthwash, I noticed to my horror it actually was labeled Mousewash. Am I going to be OK?

 

[madcat11]

Recently, after taking a gulp of mouthwash, I noticed to my horror it actually was labeled Mousewash. Am I going to be OK?

probably not.


Speaking of knots, what's the percentage of people who don't know which way to tie the bows in their, er, tennis shoes?

 

[EnumaElish]

Players on a shoestring budget, aka "no promos"; that's over 90% and probably over 99%.

How long is the circadian cycle of the cicadas who sleep 17 years?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How long is the circadian cycle of the cicadas who sleep 17 years?

I once rode a circadian cycle. I think Indians are better, and Harleys are probaby the best.

Last night I heard a familiar crunching noise outside my back door, one which usually means a possum is scarfing down the food I leave out for stray kitties. A check, however, revealed the cat-food eater to be Harry J. Donaldson, employee of the IRS, down on all fours with his face in the food dish. Does this mean I'm being audited?

 

[Gokul43201]

No, you were being odditeed. The oddity tour was a move by the IRS to try and change the general psychological reaction of an average person to hearing the letters I-R-S. The IRS sent out swarms of its employees all round the country, making them perform strange and unusual acts intended to radically reshape your opinion of the IRS.

Do you know why this plan failed so miserably ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Do you know why this plan failed so miserably ?

Your explanation completely accounts for the many reported sightings of shirt and tie "tightrope walkers" seen trying to get from telephone pole to telephone pole via the high tension wires. Which also explains the plan's failure.

Recently, when I was framing some pictures for my upcoming exhibit at the San Diego Museum of Photographs of Marsupial and Government Cat-Food-Eaters I couldn't resist a taste of the succulent looking little tacks I was using to hold the backboards to the frames. They had a strangely metalic flavor, almost as if they were made of steel or some other ferrous substance. This seems odd, since they were clearly labeled "Carpet Tacks". Why didn't they taste of the wonderful artificial carpet fibers I have so often enjoyed in the past?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Recently, when I was framing some pictures for my upcoming exhibit at the San Diego Museum of Photographs of Marsupial and Government Cat-Food-Eaters I couldn't resist a taste of the succulent looking little tacks I was using to hold the backboards to the frames. They had a strangely metalic flavor, almost as if they were made of steel or some other ferrous substance. This seems odd, since they were clearly labeled "Carpet Tacks". Why didn't they taste of the wonderful artificial carpet fibers I have so often enjoyed in the past?

Obvioulsy carpet tacks aren't made of carpet. They are to be marinated in carpet for a few years before consumption at which point the fermented carpet should yeild a plume of airborn debris to accent the experience of consuming the tacks.

On a side note, why does my g/f insist on kissing my belly and telling me it's sexy?

 

[rocketboy]

On a side note, why does my g/f insist on kissing my belly and telling me it's sexy?

LOL...i think it's called teasing. I never understood why it's considered sexy either...I think they like messin with our heads (the kind with the brain)

are comments like these allowed on PF?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

LOL...i think it's called teasing. I never understood why it's considered sexy either...I think they like messin with our heads (the kind with the brain)

are comments like these allowed on PF?

Ofcourse... but you may want to read some of the past comments on this page to see what sorts of questions and responses you're supposed to leave for this thread in particular.

So will you be a RocketMan one day, or was that your dad?

 

[zoobyshoe]

are comments like these allowed on PF?

There are only two comments allowed at PF. One is "Nice day." The other is "I appreciate the remarkable engineering that went into my refridgerator and will never push it over again." No other comments are allowed.


not sure this is the rite place to put this but... So...um...if say I had two socks that don't match is there a way i could get them to mate so id have a litter of socks that were all the same?

 

[Townsend]

not sure this is the rite place to put this but... So...um...if say I had two socks that don't match is there a way i could get them to mate so id have a litter of socks that were all the same?

Sorry, there is no possible way...socks are asexual so your only choice would be to run their dna through a gene splicing machine...

In the visible light spectrum we can mix colors to get new colors...if we could see all the possible frequencies of the spectrum, how many primary colors would there be?

 

[EnumaElish]

if we could see all the possible frequencies of the spectrum, how many primary colors would there be?

Exactly 1,000 -- refracted through one thousand points of light. (That's what dad wus referren to, eenit? :smirk:)

If primates are so good in imitating ("monkey see monkey do"), why don't other primates develop like us? All they have to do is to imitate. (It's not like they have to reinvent the bicycle; they can buy or borrow one and ride it in a funny way.)

 

[zoobyshoe]

If primates are so good in imitating ("monkey see monkey do"), why don't other primates develop like us? All they have to do is to imitate. (It's not like they have to reinvent the bicycle; they can buy or borrow one and ride it in a funny way.)

I hope you don't feel proud of this quetion.


Last night when I was dangling from the ceiling in a cocoon woven of old plastic shopping bags and discarded garments pulled from a dumpster, it occurred to me that I had never gotten to Iraq to visit the "hidey-hole" from which former Iraqi despot, Saddam Hussein had been pulled on the occasion of his capture so I resolved to telephone my travel agent in the morning.

This morning, however, I was distracted from that goal by the discovery that my telephone had become infested with a colony of insects quite unknown to me. More beetle-like than anything else, their appearance might have been occasioned by the fact that the last call I received was from someone claiming to be William Burroughs. (Could have been "Burns" though, or "Morrow"), wanting to collect on the unpaid termite control procedure I contracted to have performed last Spring. That being the case, I don't want to call yet another exterminator, so I'm wondering if anyone knows if these telephone-beetles are edible, since that would be the cheapest way to get rid of them?

 

[Math Is Hard]

This morning, however, I was distracted from that goal by the discovery that my telephone had become infested with a colony of insects quite unknown to me. More beetle-like than anything else, their appearance might have been occasioned by the fact that the last call I received was from someone claiming to be William Burroughs. (Could have been "Burns" though, or "Morrow"), wanting to collect on the unpaid termite control procedure I contracted to have performed last Spring. That being the case, I don't want to call yet another exterminator, so I'm wondering if anyone knows if these telephone-beetles are edible, since that would be the cheapest way to get rid of them?

I hate it when termite control people use these strong arm tactics to get people to pay up. Usually, shoving beetles through the phone line is their last ditch effort to get you to fork over the cash before they turn you over to a collection agency. And no, the beetles are not edible, unless you are a Ju/’hoansi. I had the same problem with a pest control company I hired last summer to help me with my ant problem. I was late on a few bills and I started getting late night calls with all manner of creepy crawlies pouring out of the phone when I ansered. The earwigs are particularly nasty. Make sure you cover the phone with cheesecloth.

Speaking of cheesecloth - I've noticed it doesn't look or taste anything like cheese. False advertising?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of cheesecloth - I've noticed it doesn't look or taste anything like cheese. False advertising?

Well, my understanding of cheese cloth is that it is intended to be used for sewing clothing for your cheese. A person, in the normal course of things, might easily decide their cheese would look well in a nice, airy summer outfit, and cheesecloth fits the bill.

Incidently, I saw a dog knock a garbage can over yesterday and then go trotting down the street with what appeared to be a shirt in its mouth. Has Bush cut funding for the Clothe The Animals centers?

 

[Mk]

I saw a dog knock a garbage can over yesterday and then go trotting down the street with what appeared to be a shirt in its mouth. Has Bush cut funding for the Clothe The Animals centers?

Yes, because PETA outdid them.

Interestingly they were convinced by local crackpot Dr. Zooby Shoe, to dress the strays with cheesecloth.

How did the dogs like that?

 

[EnumaElish]

Interestingly they were convinced by local crackpot Dr. Zooby Shoe, to dress the strays with cheesecloth.

How did the dogs like that?

No better than a monkey jockeying a horse in Hitler's clothes.

Would Hitler have become a better man had Eva not refused to comply with his diaper fetish?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Would Hitler have become a better man had Eva not refused to comply with his diaper fetish?

You know, it's funny you should ask that question, because recently I saw a photograph of a woman who looked like Eva. Actually, she was a lot taller, but same general idea, except she was brunette, not blonde, and I thought to myself, "From the looks of it, this woman could be German," and a glance down at her name revealed it to be "Ianinni" which proved I was right since her maiden name might have been German if she turned out to have married an Italian. They're both female, too, if I recall correctly. At least one of them was, so there's a 50-50 chance.

I learned today that my brain is producing my perception of the color yellow by comparing the overlapping stimulation of red and green cones cells in my eyes, and I'm very upset that there isn't such a thing as a yellow cone. I'm not sure it's reasonable to burden my brain with having to sort out this red/green comparison and I would like to start a petition to have the green cones replaced by straighforward yellow ones. This will leave more space in my occipital lobes for cool stuff like Voluntary 3-d Interpretation of 2-d Visual Fields, which means, of course, all movies will be viewed as 3-d. We could have had this already if it weren't for this stupid yellow business.

Will you sign?

 

[Mk]

Will you sign?

No, I'll cosine.

Do I look good in my sailor outfit?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Do I look good in my sailor outfit?

Between this and your cosine remark, you've gone off on a tangent. I'd say your sailor suit makes you look like Dick Deadeye: very triangular.

For tax porposes I'd like to donate free fish to the local dolphins. I'm afraid this might upset the Save The Fish faction, though. No one wants friction from the fish faction. Say it fast ten times. Are you dizzy yet?

 

[Mk]

Dizzier than a canine Parkinson's patient chasing its tail.

What happened to the PF shirtS?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What happened to the PF shirtS?

There's a lot of sporty looking dolphins out there lately. Tax write off for Greg.

What happened to the seaweed and seashells I have been expecting from the Save The Zoobies foundation started last year by the dolphins?

 

[EnumaElish]

The nonprofit dolphins did send the goods. Evo signed for the UPS delivery then she sold your seashells by the seashore. And pirate dolphins stole and smoked the seaweed.

Does a missile make a whistle, or a hotel have a bell?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Does a missile make a whistle, or a hotel have a bell?

I could tell you but I'm afraid it would lead to anxiety, depression, loss of appetite, alopecia, dizziness, shortness of breath, irregular heart rhythms, uninary infections, liver or kidney failure, seizures, gingivitis, and inner ear problems. Please see your doctor if the desire to ask those questions persists.

Recently when I was crawling on all fours through a particularly narrow stretch of sewer beneath the city of Paris, France (en francais: Paris, France) I came upon a mouldy old book (en francais: livre) with the title in gilt letters on the cover 50 Shortcuts Through Paris Via The Sewer System and suddenly realized I wasn't the first to think of this. How is it I didn't realize everyone was doing it (en Italiano: Cosi Fan Tutti)?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

How is it I didn't realize everyone was doing it (en Italiano: Cosi Fan Tutti)?

Your head musta been in the sewer. (gas anyone?)

If your head is in the Sewer, where are your feet? ("ou et Les Pied?" en Francais)

 

[EnumaElish]

If your head is in the Sewer, where are your feet? ("ou et Les Pied?" en Francais)

Under the sewing machine, working the pedals.

Is there any plant life in England other than trees and lawn?

 

[matthyaouw]

Of course. From the enclosures acts that begun around 1500ad, hedges have been more and more a part of our landscape. Between 1500 and 1850, the vast open commons and meadows have been divided up into smaller and smaller areas separated by hedges. Theses serve to divide the land, and signify ownership. This has the affect of segregating the people too. A man with a less favorible plot of land will look enviously over to his neighbour's land which he would once have been free to graze, and think "Bas**rd". The sense of community in britain from that point onwards began to dissolve, with vicious competiton for land, and a deep envy and hate for those who are better off. This deepened the segregation, and more hedges went up, to separate one's home from the prying, envious or judging eyes of a neighbour. Still, the hedges go up- 'much needed' parks and green areas in the cities, and barrier hedges to blot out those 'awful eyesores' from people's views. They are currently kept at bay with meagre supplies of weed killer and a small force of professional gardeners and tree surgeons, but as people become more introverted, and less concerned with the countryside, and their gardens, the hedges will grow, and slowly choke this land. Few people seem to realize now that we are completely surrounded by this creeping 'plague on the meadows', and still thye grow. It is thought that Birmingham, the 'concrete jungle' will be the last refuge of the English as the privet becomes the dominant species of these isles.

What technical difficulties would arise, when fighting a war with plants?