Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[turbo]

Er, the latter.

Is there an end to all this jellitivity?

Yes! I seriously ain't gellin' unless it involves my wife's wonderful hot chili jelly. Mmmmm.

Why do we invite turkeys to Thanksgiving dinner? I invite my father, but he always gets to go home after.

 

[Zbornak]

I guess that inviting Mr. Bush for dinner is a guilty pleasure. Gobble gobble!


What really happened in Tunguska and did chili jelly have anything to do with it?

 

[GleefulNihilism]

In a very possible future I will get my PhD in Astrophysics and use that knowledge for evil. Using neutrino based communications technologies I will phone up an alien empire, and wager which one of us can eat their weight in chili jelly first. My winning the bet will upset the aliens greatly and in an attempt to wipe me from the timeline they will attack Earth with a large chili-jelly-based weapon of mass destruction. Failing miserably they will kidnap and anally probe rednecks for at least 100 years.


How much like an expostition scene on an Oliver Stone movie was that, and was chili jelly involved with that as well?

 

[Huckleberry]

You should realize you have just changed the future through the act of asking that question. On the other side of the office that has the portal to John Malkovich's mind hidden behind a filing cabinet is a portal to Oliver Stone's stomach hidden behind a water cooler. I had read your quetion the other day, and being keen on adding new flavors to my pallet, I decided to try some of this chili jelly you spoke of. Anyway, I hear a gurgle from behid the water cooler and I go over there, lunch in hand, to investigate. Upon opening the door I was blasted by a wave of noxious fumes. In my surprise I dropped my lunch in the doorway before quickly slamming it closed. The very next day I read in the tabloids that Oliver Stone was working on a new film called Gleeful Nihilism, with the premise of an alien culture invading Earth with large chili-jelly based weapons. Hillbillies take up their plastic sporks in defense of the human race. I'm sure it will be another blockbuster for the acclaimed director. Ironically, a google search of "Oliver Stone want chili-jelly" leads to post #2978 on the Physics Forums website. The posting members alias is Gleeful Nihilism. I think you should demand royalties.

All this talk of chilli-jelly has made me hungry. Whenever I think about food I also think about my mother. Not being the most family oriented child I didn't call my mother until last weekend to inquire about how her Thanksgiving holiday went. Everything was as usual at home as expected, but at the end of the phone conversation I was baffled by her parting gesture. My mother told me that she loves me and I replied, "I can believe that you do, but how do I really know that? The fact that you raised me probably counts as good anecdotal evidence, but I would like a lie detector test and a brain scan of neural activity while experiencing the emotion of love. I need measurable variables to verify the factual authenticity of that statement." Ofcourse, I was only kidding, but the long silence on the phone suggested to me that my mother was actually considering my response. So I curiously awaited her response. She said, "What does measurement have to do with my feelings?" I didn't have an answer for her query.

When next I call my mother, how should I answer her question?

 

[turbo]

When you call you mother, you should demand measurement so that you know that her affection is directed at you. Case in point: a near-sighted dowager totters into her living room and experiences a flash of affection for her Shih Tzu which quickly fades when she realizes she's not looking at the yappy little mutt, but at a scarf which had fallen on the floor. How does this relate to you? Your mother may have seen you sleeping in your crib and felt that same flash of affection until she realized that little pink object was not the ham that she was planning on cooking for dinner. Remember, trust but verify.

A chickadee can say its own name, as can a whippoorwill, and a phoebe. Why hasn't the tufted tit-mouse picked up this very basic skill?

 

[Huckleberry]

The guy who was put in charge of naming rodents was nearly deaf. You aren't squeezing them hard enough. Try a vice. A mousetrap might work also. I know I say "tufted tit-mouse" every time I've ever got my toe sprung in a mouse trap.

Does this mean I am a tufted tit-mouse or that deaf guys shouldn't use onomatopoeias when naming the animals they are responsible for?

 

[Huckleberry]

I can only assume by the lack of a reply that I am a tufted tit-mouse and nobody had the heart to point it out to me. It's not nearly as difficult to adapt to this new situation as I thought it would be, and it explains a great deal about my midnight cravings for all things cheesy delicious.

I was visiting an old abandoned desert mine with a tufted tit-mouse friend of mine. We spelunked down into a dark cavern wearing adorable little mouse lighted helmets. There was an object placed in the center of the cavern with a canvas over it. Upon removing the guano-covered canvas, much to our surprise, we discovered a pristine '67 Shelby Cobra.

After a few moments of absorbing this information I stated the obvious, "How does a '67 Shelby Cobra get into the bottom of a mine shaft?" My tit-mouse friend replied "It must be a natural phenomena, perhaps one of those incredible cases of quantum tunneling that is possible in theory. We should investigate." I was a bit hungry and wanted to go back outside and enjoy a nice mid-day meal in the shade so I told him, "Don't waste your energy. The simple answer is that some crazy guy decided this would be a good place to reassemble his automobile. Let's have lunch before he comes back to check on it."

So we replaced the canvas and scrambled out of the mine to enjoy our meal. We didn't speak much, each of us wondering the same quetion,...

Is there any rational explanation for the existence of a '67 Shelby Cobra to be at the bottom of a mine shaft?

 

[Moridin]

Is there any rational explanation for the existence of a '67 Shelby Cobra to be at the bottom of a mine shaft?

It is a long story, but it all began with a flame war I had with some market anarchists that where part of the Ayn Rand objectivist cult. After four hours or so, the dust had settled and we'd pretty much exhausted ourselves.

Actually, while Rand and other unrealistic, maleficent airheads sometimes differ on the details and scale of their upcoming campaigns of terror they never fail to agree on the basic principle and substance. Hence, it is imperative that you understand that we must give to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance. When she was first found trying to do everything possible to keep gritty champions of deceit, lies, theft, plunder, and rapine inimical and contentious, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Rand is planning to fund a vast web of bad-tempered, spineless yahoos, batty lowbrows, and grotesque lugs, I'm downright terrified. She claims that there should be publicly financed centers of demagogism. Well, I beg to differ. The time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must sincerely push the envelope on our knowledge of the world around us. The first step in that process is to realize that a person who wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of his/her actions. Rand has never had that faculty. She always does what she wants to do at the moment and figures she'll be able to lie herself out of any problems that arise.

People used to think I was exaggerating whenever I said that Rand has OD'd on sexism. After seeing Rand promote violence in all its forms -- physical, sexual, psychological, economical, and social -- these same people now realize that I wasn't exaggerating at all. In fact, they even realize that it seems that no one else is telling you that Rand has no soul. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, Rand's licentious fulminations often resemble an inverted fairy tale in that the triumph of innocence comes at the start and the ugly sisters of antagonism and recidivism enter on stage in triumph for the final curtain. With Rand's convictions hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles, it makes sense that we need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with Rand. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that the last time I told Rand's trained seals that I want to expose injustice and puncture prejudice they declared in response, "But the only way to expand one's mind is with drugs -- or maybe even chocolate." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. At this point, our task is to answer the power-hungry chiselers who pass off all sorts of ophidian and obviously termagant stuff on others as a so-called "inner experience". Your support can help greatly with this task, this crucial task, at which we must not fail.

So, what is your experience of the experience of experience?

 

[Huckleberry]

It sounds to me that this Rand creature you describe has been torn straight from the pages of some fairy tale, cut short at the part where children are most frightened and hide their faces under pillows, pleading to their parents not to continue. What a terrible shadow she must cast on the world when she dares walk in daylight; a cursed specter; a wailing banshee, sent to sear it's horrific visage and tormenting syllables into vulnerable minds. If one looks only to the horizontally linear cardinal directions, no matter which way they look there seems to be a broom-straddling, wicked witch swooping down on them, closely followed by an army of deep-throated, vowel chanting, winged apes. But don't be afraid. She is just a plot device in a fictional story, and turning away at the climax can create the impression of an inverted fairy tale. In the resolution to stories told to children by parents that love them, the villian always gets what she deserves, and the moral of the story is apparent to all who had the courage to finish it. Heroes persevere and villians persecute. That has been my experience of the experience of experience.

This is a trick quetion. What happens when a materialist convention and a solipsist convention are scheduled for the same place and time?

 

[jim mcnamara]

This is a trick quetion. What happens when a materialist convention and a solipsist convention are scheduled for the same place and time?

um, they become pist? they liszt to port, or they make the best-dresed liszt. Or they liszten to Polish muzak.

 

[joeyar]

um, they become pist?

Probably.

Why do birds eat my portion of the worms?

 

[turbo]

Probably.

Why do birds eat my portion of the worms?

They are entitled.

Do you mean your intestinal worms?

 

[joeyar]

No I mean the worms in my brain.

Will broccoli scare the birds off?

 

[turbo]

No I mean the worms in my brain.

Will broccoli scare the birds off?

No. Broccoli has worms and will attract birds like crazy.

If you take out your brain and soak it in a saturate solution of NaCl, will it drive out the worms like it does in broccoli?

 

[joeyar]

Yes, but it will attract wasps.

Do wasps eat TNT?

 

[rimewire]

The Alien Stuff

Do aliens eat broccoli?

--------------------------------
I am in love with this site.


XXXxx

 

[Huckleberry]

When they stop by my place they usually ask for water, and sometimes food, but have never specifically asked for broccoli. I have never thought to ask them if they would like to eat broccoli. There was one who I invited inside and when it saw the bag of frozen cauliflower I had in my freezer it became quite excited. So I gave him a bowl of cauliflower with some butter and saltines. Then the government came to my door and took the alien away.

Where does the government take all these aliens?

 

[madcat11]

Where does the government take all these aliens?

I hear that brocolli grows wild at area 51

Is cauliflower an alternative?

 

[hypatia]

Its never a alternative, our "guests" think its just nasty.

Why did my groundhog not come out of its den on feb2?

 

[Math Jeans]

Because his wife needed him to clean.

My broom is broken. What should I use?

 

[ivanetski]

Your will power.

What shouldn't you use?

 

[Huckleberry]

I read a Darwin Award about this guy that had a groundhog problem. The crafty bugger just couldn't be caught. So one day in a fit of foamy rage the man decided to rig up his entire lawn with electric rods. Then he soaked the ground and turned on the power. There was no dead groundhog, but the man ended up electrocuting himself. So, yeah, don't use that.

When would be a good time to use electrified rods?

 

[GarageTinker]

When would be a good time to use electrified rods?

Um, at 2 o'clock on Saturday morning when the neighbor's kids; who have been up partying all night with their friends because the folks are out of town; have decided to use your pool without your permission? 1 rod at either end should do the trick. :-)

Hmm...electrified rods. Would that too much like giving them the shaft?

 

[samaya]

I want answer please
if the life of an atom is 9*10^9
92 Electrons in the atom 92
Charge=-1,6*10^-19
-1,104*10^17 Charge what is the age of that atom

 

[Math Is Hard]

I want answer please
if the life of an atom is 9*10^9
92 Electrons in the atom 92
Charge=-1,6*10^-19
-1,104*10^17 Charge what is the age of that atom

It's at least a teenager.

What's a two-letter word for cheese?

 

[_Mayday_]

It's at least a teenager.

What's a two-letter word for cheese?

Blue Cheese

How many numbers are there between 1 and 2.

 

[sunspun]

3!
That was easy.
Because if I have 1 and you have 2, then between us, we have 3.

So my question is why do you have more than I?

 

[arunbg]

Because I don't have less than or equal to you.
What percentage of people in this world are in love right now?

 

[Electron17]

Because I don't have less than or equal to you.
What percentage of people in this world are in love right now?

126%. Many people are in love with more than one person at a given time.

What would you think of a person who acted like a cheese sandwich?

 

[Ms Music]

What would you think of a person who acted like a cheese sandwich?

That they are a little toasted!

Why is the sky grey?

 

[sunspun]

It's not; it's gray.

Why is my hair grey?

 

[Ms Music]

Why is my hair grey?

Because you are so intelligent that your gray matter is coming out your hair folicles. Or at least that is what my brother likes to say...


Why am I posting stupid questions?

 

[Yonoz]

Why am I posting stupid questions?

Because your gray matter isn't coming out of your hair follicles.

What's your first name Ms Music?

 

[Ms Music]

What's your first name Ms Music?

Ms.


Do I HAVE to ask another stupid question?

 

[sunspun]

Ms.


Do I HAVE to ask another stupid question?

Not anymore!

Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?