Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

Can this book be found & bananas be stopped before they commit genocide on Zoob's people?

As a matter of fact, Zigmoid Bananabread is a close friend of mine. I first met him, by accident, on a cruise aboard the Steamer South Sea !pod bound for the Fagistan Archipelapagos out of Buenos Aires. He approached me as I was lounging on the quarterdeck during a sleetstorm to inquire what I was reading. Since I wasn't reading at the time I determined he was delerious from accute mal du mer and I threw him overboard, evasively, before he vomited all over the place.

The second time I met him was on purpose when I spotted him approaching me with a scimitar in the streets of New Delhi, bent on revenge for the events of our previous meeting. This was several years later, give or take a decade, and I'd forgotten all about it, and bore him no grudge. We've been great pals ever since.

At some point around this time Zigmoid lost his head in a scimitar accident in New Delhi and now suffers from that mysterious neurological condition known as Phantom Head Syndrome. He is convinced he can still feel his lost head and frequently complains of terrible headaches. Additionally he claims he can feel it when you put your hand in the vicinity of the missing body part, and he must take pains to avoid bumping the phantom head against tree limbs and swing sets. Harder to believe are his claims he can still think with the absent head, but, uncanny as it seems I tested him and found he was able to do simple addition and subtraction, as well as a few more complex cognitive tasks. "I don't know how to explain it" he said to me once, "It just feels like it's still there."

Contrast this with the case of Arthur F., an electrician and weekend ghosthunter, whose Phantom Limbs were severed from his body in a scimitar fight with a ghost. Now, though he appears to any onlooker to be completely whole, he is completely unable to experience sensations of pins and needles or other phantom pains in his bodily arms or legs. Relegated to being completely corporeal he bemoans the days when he could touch and wrestle with ghosts, pookas, and other phantoms, and has nothing but a life of an ordinary electrician to look forward to.

Are there any loose ends?

 

[adicabrady]

What a coincidence that you mention loose ends!I went to see my psychiatrist this week & he told me that the results of my brain scan came back in.THE SCAN SHOWS MILLIONS OF LOOSE ENDS IN MY BRAIN! Naturally,I am panicked.This,of course,explains all the ridiculous problems I have had living my life.All the myriad addictions,homelessness,family problems,etc... Everything is due to loose ends.I am having surgery scheduled as soon as possible.Does anyone know how the surgeon will tie up these loose ends?Or maybe they will just remove them?Answer fast,I am terrified!

 

[Redbelly98]

Does anyone know how the surgeon will tie up these loose ends?

Yes, the surgeon does.

Will tying up the loose ends in your brain make you think in an infinite loop?

 

[Fragment]

Probably, just like what happened to Cantor when Egyptians neurosurgeons tied all of his loose ends together.

If there are many infinities, then what kind of infinity would adicabrady have? How big would the infinity be?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If there are many infinities, then what kind of infinity would adicabrady have? How big would the infinity be?

That's two quetions, which gets you thrown to the salmon wielding penguins. When they're done with you your username will fit.

Speaking of infinities, I happened to be staring into the future this afternoon and saw that this thread is still going strong 2000 years from now. The Earth and human civilization is pretty much fine. Technology stalls in about 15 years when Quantum Physics decides to redefine itself as a religion after the secret journals of Albert Einstein are discovered in which he demonstrates how he and Arther Eddington hoaxed Relativity by a clever combination of difficult to follow geometric assertions coupled with a heavy confusion-inducing campaign of subtle, subliminal neuro-linguistic and Freudian threats of the rapid length contraction of the rigid bodies of non-believers. Everyone concerned is quite upset and depressed and directionless until the rise of Bohr-worship and the doctrine that all things are attainable if you just believe with all your might you can collapse the wavefunctions of desire according to your will. There's no progress and the internet is more or less indistinguishable from the way it is now. PF is still there, though it has sub-forums called "Adore Bohr!" and "Adore Bohr More!" (There is no Heisenberg worship because no one is certain there should be.)

The really strange thing is that Evo is still mentor of General Discussion.

How did that happen?

 

[xnick]

The real Evo imprinted his mind on the net a long time ago. So he/it still lurks the Internet in the future.

Won't it bother the users the interplanetary lag in the comunications? Think about an earthling chatting with someone in Saturn.

 

[Sorry!]

No because the quantum world will evolve to include instantaneous communications duh.

why isnt' the number 11 pronounced onety one?

 

[zoobyshoe]

why isnt' the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Counting beyond 10 was a gift presented to mankind by elves. These new numbers were referred to, therefore, as "elven" numbers. Today, therefore, we count thus: eight, nine, ten, elven, twelven, threlven, felven, felven₂, selven, selven₂, eelven, nelven, twenty, as you all know. We don't say "onety one" because elven times onety one = elvis. If you do it right.

Recently when I was performing a physicsotomy on the brain of a mathematician who had demanded this elective surgery in order to free his mind of the impure mathematical practices of physicists I encountered certain difficulties in locating his left numero-gyrus because it seemed to have become fused with his sphincter-sulcus. Stimulation by electrode caused him to evacuate his duodenum, producing perfectly numeral shaped bowel movements. I was stunned and got on the phone to Oliver Sacks and V.S Ramachandran. They both agreed it must be a new, unheard of, form of synaesthesia and asked me to preserve the specimens until they could get there to examine them. Therefore, I wheeled the mathematician and his bowel movements down to the morgue and put them in the walk in freezer.

Does anyone have any aspirin?

 

[Sorry!]

Counting beyond 10 was a gift presented to mankind by elves. These new numbers were referred to, therefore, as "elven" numbers. Today, therefore, we count thus: eight, nine, ten, elven, twelven, threlven, felven, felven₂, selven, selven₂, eelven, nelven, twenty, as you all know. We don't say "onety one" because elven times onety one = elvis. If you do it right.


Does anyone have any aspirin?

LOL that nearly KILLED me hahahaha too funny.

yes, i have aspirin... no you can't use it.


If you choked a smurf... what colour would IT turn? :|

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

If you choked a smurf... what colour would IT turn? :|

Ultraviolent.

If crack kills can I kill a plumber in self defense?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If crack kills can I kill a plumber in self defense?

Absolutely! However, you'll still have a plumbing problem. That's easy to fix, though: call a plumber.

Recently when I was stuffing the body of plumber # 24 down in the crawlspace beneath my house, I came upon an old manuscript I'd started back around plumber #6 entitled "Can Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder be Cured In British Academics by the Application of Blint-Force Trauma to the Caudate Nucleus?" The entire paper consisted of the words: "No. Tried it. Didn't work." Wondering what the term "Blint-Force" might mean, I pushed #24 forward into the space between #22 and #13, and then sat and pulled out my pocket dictionary to look up the word "blint". Just then I felt a crackly crunching sensation beneath my right buttock. It only took a second to realize I had broken the small vial of vitamin E oil I keep in my back pocket, and now the precious fluid was spreading through the fibers of my new jeans. (Yes, I am a Vitamin E addict. But don't judge me. You all have your flaws, too.) My horror at the loss of my precious oil was too much. I lay back like a slack puppet with no will to live and my mind went blanke.

Suddenly I became aware of a loud buzzing. I'd heard this before: that infernal tinnitus: edge effects at the thalamus. Then my body, or maybe my being, started to shudder and vibrate. More edge effects. This continued for some moments and then suddenly ceased, and I no longer had a body. Or, rather, I no longer was in it, or owned it, because I was floating, floating up through the joists and floorboards. And, having passed through the floor, I found myself in the kitchen looking into the open cabinet door under the sink at the drain pipe I had loosened just enough to create a plausible, robust leak. I smiled. Then things went dark...

...and I found myself back in the crawlspace. I felt good. Refreshed. Invigorated. I went back up, took a shower, and sat down to read some papers on my new favorite bacteria, treponema pallidum. However, just when I was getting absorbed in them, the doorbell rang.
Looking through the small window in the door I saw a non-descript male face, and swung the door open.
"Hi.You called for a plumber?"




Red or Green?

 

[Dweirdo]

You're funny XD
Blue...duh...

Can I print videos with my printer?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Can I print videos with my printer?

Absolutely! You can also print videos with a cash register, and you can print erotic fantasies straight out of your brain with a printer. Just about the only thing you can't do with a printer is kill a plumber. Strangely enough.

Once about a year ago I had a terrifically frightening nightmare in which I was chasing some sort of small child at full speed trying to catch it and eat it to satisfy my monstery hunger, but the kid kept running and screaming and squirming away and I just couldn't seem to catch it, and I became all exhausted and collapsed and I woke up in a cold sweat, shivvering with terror, afraid I would never eat again.

Those fast child dreams are the worst.

Anyone have any Vitamin E?

 

[Redbelly98]

No. Only certain people have Vitamin E. If anyone had Vitamin E, then you would.

Who is going to clean up all the debris littering outer space?

 

[Sorry!]

No. Only certain people have Vitamin E. If anyone had Vitamin E, then you would.

Who is going to clean up all the debris littering outer space?

Nasa.

Who will clean up the debris littering outer space from THAT mission?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Nasa.

Who will clean up the debris littering outer space from THAT mission?

Janitor. He is the son of the god Janus, keeper of portals.

If a million monkeys at type writers can eventually create Shakespear can one Shakespear with a quill hope to equal the dadaist symphony of one million monkey stenography?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If a million monkeys at type writers can eventually create Shakespear can one Shakespear with a quill hope to equal the dadaist symphony of one million monkey stenography?

I'm not sure, so I passed out a written poll to one million monkeys for their opinions, and the overwhelming majority of them chewed on it. Not sure if that was a yes or no, I polled one million plumbers and the overwhelming majority of them did not respond due to rigor mortis. Not sure if I could construe that as a rigorous yes, or a rigorous no, I polled one million space debris janitors and the overwhelming majority could not be heard screaming. Now my back hurts. Which, I can say for certain, is a non sequitur.

Recently when I opened the front door to depart, I heard the doorbell ring. Thinking I must have accidentally rung it myself, I closed the door and stood outside waiting for myself to answer it. I thought it would be rude to just leave and not explain to myself when I answered that I'd rung it by accident.

That was last week and I still haven't answered. How long should I continue to wait before I can leave without having been rude?

 

[Sourabh N]

sneak in the house and put a mirror in front of your door, or vice versa (insomnia, don't know whether you are standing in or out).who doesn't need more cowbell?

 

[Dweirdo]

depends ,
sometimes more cowbell needs you , than you know that You need more cowbell ,cause when somebody is needed, it needs the same thing that need it, by Zx formula:
Needed1*n1=n2*Needed2, while n1=n2 , Needed1=Needed 2.

What is more cowbell?

 

[Fragment]

More cowbell, simply put, is exactly what everyone doesn't not need. Just like when you're alone in a crowd and you're waiting for that moment of escape to release your intestinal pains. That reminds me, is 5 months of tapeworm breeding in my stomach too much? I've been having mega stomach aches due to this super weight loss program.

 

[Sourabh N]

Depends, if you are still crazy to have a weight loss (which, believe me, doesn't change much things in life) , continue.. and if you have realized that its pointless, well, you know what to do.

Chocolate came first or coffee?

 

[Dweirdo]

Good question!
the first thing that was known 2 human kind was chocoffee ... a very dangerous plant!
then an excellent scientist named coffecolate figured out that if you separate the plant's roots from him, the sky drops 2 black things, and he named each 1, chocolate and coffee.
so neither cam first, they came @ the same time~!
Can you hear with your eyes?

 

[Four]

Regis discovered that the nerves connecting your eyes to your head passes by your ear drums. Due to interference caused by the nerves when the person sees the brain registers really quiet sounds. That may be a reason why people hear "follow the light", in a dark tunnel when they see an opening to outside.

Where do humans go after there done being dead?

 

[efekwulsemmay]

They get rebirthed.

What is the summation of all the parts of this thought?

 

[adicabrady]

World domination. I realized this while spending time in jail recently.I was incarcerated unjustly for punching my landlord.If I had used my great intellect,I would have killed him & buried him next to where I buried Jimmy Hoffa.Then ,of course,I would not have been punished for doing a righteous thing.Do you think anyone will ever find out where I put Hoffa's body?

 

[mastercamguru]

Do you think anyone will ever find out where I put Hoffa's body?

[hijack on]
Yup, Jim Carrey already found Jimmy Hoffa's body in Bruce Almighty.
Don't answer your door. The cops are coming...five years ago.
[/hijack off]

Who do you think has Micheal Jackson's nose now?

 

[quinroxanne]

What are we talking about here? there seems to be no answer at all...lol.

 

[adicabrady]

What are we talking about where?In China we are discussing the high price of watermelons.I heard from an extremely close comrade of mine in Russia that they are all conversing about an art theft.The culprit is a hairy bi-pedal creature.I (of course,didn't voice my opinion) think it sounds like Zoobyshoe.Does anyone know if he has been in Russia in the past few weeks?

 

[mastercamguru]

Nope. Scooby dooby doo. Where are you?

In Russian:

Нет. Scooby д.о.о. dooby. Где вы?

What's a Scooby Snack made from?

 

[Ian_Brooks]

Nope. Scooby dooby doo. Where are you?

In Russian:

Нет. Scooby д.о.о. dooby. Где вы?

What's a Scooby Snack made from?

its made of awesomeness and utter goodness

next question

http://img216.imageshack.us/img216/3503/philosoraptor7.png

 

[Count Iblis]

What are we talking about here? there seems to be no answer at all...lol.

We are http://insti.physics.sunysb.edu/~siegel/parodies/sam/sam.html"

Everyone is eagerly awaiting the discovery of the Kibble boson (known colloquially as "The Dog Particle"), which was missed at the Fermi National Labrador. There have been speculations that it is too light to observe with available accelerators because it is really a gallstone boson, but such claims are unfunded.

 

[adicabrady]

Count Iblis did not ask a quetion according to the rules of this thread.So I generously will do it for him.Why can't I, Count Iblis,ask a stupid quetion?

 

[Sourabh N]

Because you, Count Iblis, did not eat cheese.

How is a potato better than a tomato?

 

[mg0stisha]

Because you can't make french fries out of tomatoes.

What was the first invention ever?

 

[Count Iblis]

What was the first invention ever?

http://insti.physics.sunysb.edu/~siegel/parodies/stuperspace.html#9"

A. Oop, A supersymmetric version of the leg, Gondwanaland predraw (January 10,000,000 B.C.), to be discovered.