Collection of Lame Jokes

[mfb]

Great for wheelchair users...

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Seven reaction options, and still none of them is "groan"...

 

[WWGD]

Do you know Michael Sage?
I think he's 35.

 

[WWGD]

@Bystander @fresh_42 I know. But that is not the 'this etymology' I was referring to, as you can readily see by comparing your own links to what @Klystron posted. I don't feel too comfortable with my Latin, since it's been a while since I took it (and only a semester), so I'd be happy to learn that there is a 'mate' verb that means 'kill, murder', or that the word 'deci' means 'tenth' (as opposed to e.g. 'decimus').

I will start being careful when someone calls me 'mate' from now on.

 

[WWGD]

These are the guys who also had trouble opening a plastic bag...

 

[WWGD]

I'm not really a fan of videos, it was more a test of PF5 than a joke, although it is funny, or sad.

I didn't get this one either.

 

[fresh_42]

I will start being careful when someone calls me 'mate' from now on.

Mate is really good, you should try it. I prefer the smoked variant.
(And yes, I do not like that English doesn't provide a distinction between geräuchert and geraucht. So no jokes please, it is not my fault that English has a gap here.)

 

[davenn]

Mate is really good, you should try it. I prefer the smoked variant.
(And yes, I do not like that English doesn't provide a distinction between geräuchert and geraucht. So no jokes please, it is not my fault that English has a gap here.)

well ... that belongs in the thread ... "Today I learned" ... I never knew

of course in Aussie and NZ at least, "mate" would always refer to friend

as in ...


a classic ol Aussie song

 

[fresh_42]

well ... that belongs in the thread ... "Today I learned" ... I never knew

of course in Aussie and NZ at least, "mate" would always refer to friend

I like the British version:

 

[WWGD]

I like the British version:

Not too sexy for their shirts?

 

[Steelwolf]

Why do you only come across lame puns? All the good ones run away!

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

I once thought about a career in the hotel industry,
but I had too many reservations.

 

[davenn]

one for my fellow Monty Python fans

this is brilliant!

 

[fresh_42]

"How did you celebrate your birthday?"
"No idea. I haven't seen the photos, yet."

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard? Six of the Seven Dwarfs have gone on strike because they're not Happy.

 

[davenn]

What a dreadful night. I dreamt something bit me on the neck.

I even got up to check, but the mirror's not working.

 

[Steelwolf]

Do you know why they never tortured Bilbo Baggins? A bad Hobbit is hard to break.

 

[DrClaude]

Seven reaction options, and still none of them is "groan"...

@Greg Bernhardt: we really, really need that reaction!

Have you heard? Six of the Seven Dwarfs have gone on strike because they're not Happy.

Do you know why they never tortured Bilbo Baggins? A bad Hobbit is hard to break.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

"Where do condiments go for medical attention?"

The Mayo Clinic"

 

[davenn]

I went to the doctor's this morning, I told him my joints are stiff.

He told me I was rolling them too tight.

 

[DrClaude]

I went to the doctor's this morning, I told him my joints are stiff.

He told me I was rolling them too tight.

Did he reefer you to a specialist?

 

[Borg]

The pot thickens...

 

[256bits]

there was a fly in my soup.
The place charged me for extra meat.

 

[fresh_42]

"Waiter! I can't eat this! Waiter!"
"Sir! Is there something wrong with the soup?"
"I can't eat it!"
"Is it too hot?"
"No, I have no spoon."

 

[Steelwolf]

Translation of a portion of Fragments of a scroll from the Roman Senate Curia with 'subject of the day' circa CE 325:

The Roman Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has determined that the feeding of Christians to Lions is depriving the Lions of a healthy and balanced diet.

 

[jtbell]

Translation of a portion of Fragments of a scroll from the Roman Senate Curia with 'subject of the day' circa CE 325:

The Roman Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has determined that the feeding of Christians to Lions is depriving the Lions of a healthy and balanced diet.

In a similar vein, from last year:
https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/page-226#post-5977535(Hmmm, the snippet that the forum software is showing is not from the post that I linked to... it's probably from the first post on that page.)

 

[fresh_42]

(Hmmm, the snippet that the forum software is showing is not from the post that I linked to... it's probably from the first post on that page.)

Yes, that's a known inconvenience. And, yes, this (Romans and Christians) was not funny at all. At best it illustrates how time and location dependent ethical values are.

 

[jtbell]

I hear ABC World News Tonight anchor Tom Llamas is getting a co-anchor named Al Paca.

 

[Steelwolf]

I hear ABC World News Tonight anchor Tom Llamas is getting a co-anchor named Al Paca.

Well, Al Paca 'nother one in celebration

 

[fresh_42]

I'm a philanthropist. I love humulus. Never give up hop!

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]