Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

I don't believe it.

I just won 'Skeptic of the Year'!

 

[Ophiolite]

I had to explain to my local sea food restaurant that carpe diem doesn't mean Fish of the Day.

 

[fresh_42]

I had to explain to my local sea food restaurant that carpe diem doesn't mean Fish of the Day.

Well, it could mean fish of the day. Who knows there is a tomorrow afterwards?

 

[Steelwolf]

Funny, I always thought Carpe Diem to be the ration limit of one goldfish a day, that or a fish-god, one can be very confused.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

View attachment 241487

Those can work if you plan like in Home Alone...

 

[davenn]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

View attachment 241613

Somewhat on the same lines:

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

He already tried it, bach in 1968:

It was one of the first albums I bought when I was in high school.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

The Kingdom of Jordan has a shortage of quality razors.

Gillette is the best Amman can get.

 

[WWGD]

My Python is not working. Again. I keep calling the ISupper()* method and no dinner in sight .

* I Supper

 

[davenn]

 

[jack action]

Something for everyone, even those who are not hungry!

 

[mfb]

My Python is not working. Again. I keep calling the ISupper()* method and no dinner in sight .

* I Supper

Well, do you want dinner or do you want DINNER?

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 241821

Reminds me of the citizens of a town that put garlic on the sides of the road because it improves circulation.

 

[WWGD]

This one actually happened. Me and Mom went out to eat. Waiter was horrible from beginning to end. We give no tip whatsoever, leave the table. Waiter comes after us : " Ma'am, service is not included". Mom says : "Yes, I can tell".

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

Tying into the Viagra joke: they just added Viagra to the O'Henry candy bar. They renamed it to : Oh, Oh, Oh, Henry!

 

[davenn]

I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' dvd.

It was here just a minute ago.

 

[davenn]

Terrible tragedy at sea.
Two paint tankers collided with each other.
One was filled with red paint, the other was filled with purple paint.
Both crews were marooned.

 

[Ibix]

Terrible tragedy at sea.

That's the third time that's happened on this thread alone! It's almost as bad as the ship carrying yo-yos which struck a rock. A few of the strings caught on it, and the ship sank 27 times.

 

[davenn]

Say what you want about Captain Hook...

But he ran that entire pirating operation single handedly

 

[Wrichik Basu]

@davenn you get those rather lame but hilarious jokes from somewhere or make them up?

 

[Steelwolf]

The Elderly Pirate came in for a physical, and the doctor told him that aside from the peg leg, the hook hand and missing an eye, he was fit as a fiddle at 75 yrs old. He was curious though, just how the pirate had lost said parts. The Elderly Pirate was happy to recount his tales, explaining that it was a cannon shot that took his leg off just below the knee, clean as could be, cauterized even. And then years later, in a sword combat, he lost his left hand blocking a deadly swing. The doctor was very interested, and asked how he managed to loose the eye. Well, said the Elderly Pirate, I was checking the rigging of the ship one day, and this seagull came over and deposited, right straight into my eye. The doctor expresses surprise as he has never heard of anyone losing an eye to seagull crap. The Pirate tells him, "Yea, but you see, I had only had the hook fer two days..."

 

[Steelwolf]

@davenn, About the single handed businesses: My Brother had an offer for him to run a 'Ranch' in Nevada called the Institute for Destitute Prostitutes, but due to a staffing problem he was going to have to run it by hand for the first six months, he took a pass on that one...

 

[WWGD]

@davenn, About the single handed businesses: My Brother had an offer for him to run a 'Ranch' in Nevada called the Institute for Destitute Prostitutes, but due to a staffing problem he was going to have to run it by hand for the first six months, he took a pass on that one...

Couldn't they've used a substitute?Maybe one from an institute? Too much lassitude.

 

[Steelwolf]

They apparently wanted a very hands-on manager

 

[davenn]

@davenn you get those rather lame but hilarious jokes from somewhere or make them up?

The puns, like ...

Say what you want about Captain Hook...

But he ran that entire pirating operation single handedly

are mostly from a FB group ... The Pun Club

I enjoy funny word plays like that

 

[davenn]

The Elderly Pirate came in for a physical,....

hahaha brilliant

 

[davenn]

I have a lot of jokes about unemployment

But none of them work

 

[davenn]