Collection of Lame Jokes

[Vanadium 50]

how did the crowd react?

With resistance.

 

[Vanadium 50]

Some with reluctance.

 

[kuruman]

Any transients among the crowd?

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

Reminds me of the BOFH's Etherkiller - a mains plug on one end and an RJ45 jack on the other...

 

[fresh_42]

Everyone always laughed at me when I said that I would become a stand-up comedian. Now they are not laughing anymore!

 

[mfb]

Why do you consider a career in mirror manufacturing?I could see myself doing that.

 

[Ibix]

Every morning when I enter the bathroom I say a little prayer. It's my shaving grace.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

Will this post get ban because it talks about a perpetual motion machine?

 

[mfb]

Not perpetual motion, the motion will stop very rapidly at the bottom of the cliff.

 

[gmax137]

Will this post get ban because it talks about a perpetual motion machine?

It's just a bathtub in free-fall

 

[mfb]

On a more serious note: This is similar to how astronauts wash in space. Take a bit of water and soap, rub it over your body. Soak it up with a towel. It does save a lot of water.

 

[fresh_42]

It's just a bathtub in free-fall

Bad news is, if you want to shower for ten minutes, you will have to fall for 1766 km. But the good news is: you will automatically dry on re-entry!

 

[jbriggs444]

Bad news is, if you want to shower for ten minutes, you will have to fall for 1766 km. But the good news is: you will automatically dry on re-entry!

Or before. Body heat should be enough to freeze-dry the skin. Better lather quick before the water hardens though.

 

[mfb]

There are these upwards wind tunnels where you can "fall down" for as long as they have electricity. Slow them down and you can stand on the ground while the water doesn't fall down.

 

[fresh_42]

There are these upwards wind tunnels where you can "fall down" for as long as they have electricity. Slow them down and you can stand on the ground while the water doesn't fall down.

You can have the same horizontally even without electricity in any town with sufficiently high skyscrapers.

 

[Klystron]

Will this post get ban because it talks about a perpetual motion machine?

View attachment 253610​

Not perpetual motion -- so allowed by PF rules -- but I find the wet stick-figure dude hilarious along with the solemn admonition to save water.

 

[WWGD]

Dalai Lama applying for a permit:

Date of Birth:
...

...
1-1- 23 BC
...
...

2-23-157

...

...

6-29-35

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 253641

There should be one for mathematicians on transcendental meditation.

 

[WWGD]

There should be one for mathematicians on transcendental meditation.

Their resist having one.

 

[davenn]

A pun that actually has good advice ...

 

[256bits]

Try programming that one in C,
or have the AI geeks solve it.
Endless fun.

 

[WWGD]

This 15 year-old guy tells a father:
"Father, I just had 5 hours of sex with the most beautiful woman ever."
"Ok, then say 10 hail-Marys and 5 Rosaries."
" No, father, I am Buddhist."
"Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling _everyone_!"

 

[Mark44]

Apologies if repeated somewhere in the previous 6606 posts.

"She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still."

Or...

"She was only a rancher's daughter, but all the cow men knew 'er."

Or ...
"She was only a welder's daughter, but she had acetylene legs."

 

[Bystander]

acetylene legs.

Noowww I get it.

 

[jtbell]

"She was only a welder's daughter, but she had acetylene legs."

So long as they’re not toulene...

 

[WWGD]

No, that's only in New Orleans and they have a school named for them.

 

[jbriggs444]

Is there no "like" selection for /runs screaming from the room while holding his nose/?

 

[WWGD]

Workers at the glue-making plant made the best of a sticky situation.
cc JBriggs444: Don't come back yet!

 

[WWGD]

The jokes about horseradish
were pun-gent.
(Still, JBriggs...)

 

[WWGD]

Double horrible pun in classical music festival:
Going for Baroque. Sebastian is Bach!