Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

I have a picture of a kidnapping (kid napping):
https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/cute-little-girl-sleeping-teddy-bear-449079511

Should I call the police?

Depends. Is it your teddy bear?

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

The real Faro
Now we just need the two to make a movie together.

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

Alongside the roads here, I often see signs that say "We Buy Ugly Houses" and a phone number.

I've wondered just what they do with those houses. Yesterday I think I may have found out.

I saw a similar sign that says "Invest in Real Estate" and a phone number.

 

[Ibix]

Alongside the roads here, I often see signs that say "We Buy Ugly Houses" and a phone number.

I've wondered just what they do with those houses. Yesterday I think I may have found out.

I saw a similar sign that says "Invest in Real Estate" and a phone number.

You mean, you think they buy houses you can't sell to anyone else and then sell them to markspeople as an investment?

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

Would only work for shaking in certain directions.

 

[mfb]

Simple: One kit for each plane.

 

[DrGreg]

Simple: One kit for each plane.

You won't detect many earthquakes in an aeroplane.

 

[mfb]

If it is on the ground...

In the air the false positive rate might be another concern.

 

[DaveC426913]

Overhead at breakfast:

"Occam's Razor: the simplest explanation is often the best one."
"What are atoms made of? Ghosts! That's simple - it's one word!"

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

I saw a report on TV this morning that a cop in Wisconsin stopped the Oscar Mayer wienermobile for a traffic violation. First he had to ketchup with the vehicle, then he grilled the driver.

 

[jtbell]

I saw a report on TV this morning that a cop in Wisconsin stopped the Oscar Mayer wienermobile for a traffic violation. First he had to ketchup with the vehicle, then he grilled the driver.

And then when the driver started talking back disrespectfully to the cop, he got another ticket for being a brat.

 

[DrClaude]

I saw a report on TV this morning that a cop in Wisconsin stopped the Oscar Mayer wienermobile for a traffic violation. First he had to ketchup with the vehicle, then he grilled the driver.

I relish that joke.

 

[jtbell]

I relish that joke.

I’m glad it cuts the mustard.

 

[Ibix]

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he saw a lion taking a drink from a lake. The lion had its back turned and was oblivious to everything except the water, so the gorilla snuck up behind and kicked the lion into the lake. Needless to say, the lion was not happy, and the gorilla took off into the jungle with the lion in hot pursuit. Soon the gorilla came to an abandoned human camp. Quick as a flash, he grabbed khakis and a pith helmet, put them on, sat down in a chair, grabbed a newspaper and hid his hairy face behind it, pretending to read.

The lion charged into the encampment a moment later. "Excuse me sir," he said, "but have you seen a gorilla come through here?"

"What," answered the gorilla, without lowering his newspaper. "You mean the gorilla who pushed the lion into the lake?"

"My goodness!" exclaimed the lion. "It's in the papers already?"

 

[WWGD]

When asked, first half of students liked abstract Mathematics, Second half liked applied Mathematics. Third half never studied Mathematics.

 

[fresh_42]

When asked, first half of students liked abstract Mathematics, Second half liked applied Mathematics. Third half never studied Mathematics.

No problem in $\mathbb{Z}_3\, : \,\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}=0$ so nobody has been asked..

 

[mfb]

No problem in $\mathbb{Z}_3\, : \,\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}=0$ so nobody has been asked..

If nobody has been asked then we don't need finite fields. We got all three answers 0/2 = 0 times.

 

[fresh_42]

If nobody has been asked then we don't need finite fields. We got all three answers 0/2 = 0 times.

Maybe we need another. $\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}=\frac{1}{4}$. Now what about the other three quarters?

 

[WWGD]

Maybe we need another. $\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}+\frac{1}{2}=\frac{1}{4}$. Now what about the other three quarters?

3 quarters is 75 cents, figure out your Math!

 

[jbriggs444]

3 quarters is 75 cents, figure out your Math!

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

 

[Ibix]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

If I had a dollar for every time I'd heard that...

 

[fresh_42]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

$\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=\frac{1}{3}$. Someone has to solve this inflation problem.

 

[Ibix]

Can one of you post a wiki link (or similar) to whichever branch of mathematics you're talking about? I'm a little out of my depth here.

 

[jbriggs444]

Can one of you post a wiki link (or similar) to whichever branch of mathematics you're talking about? I'm a little out of my depth here.

I am a bit out of depth also, but I believe that it is the finite field of three elements that is being discussed. So the elements could be referred to as {0, 1, 2}. "4" would be an alias for 1. $\frac{1}{4}=\frac{1}{1}=1$. And 1+1+1 = 0.

Edit: However, this theory does not square with a claim that $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=\frac{1}{3}$ because that would involve a division by zero. By the same logic, a finite field of four elements is also ruled out. That leaves the possibility of the finite field of five elements. In that field $\frac{1}{4}=4$, $4+4+4=2$ and $\frac{1}{3}=2$. So that one sounds like a winner. Plus no need to make "4" an alias.

Edit²: $\frac{1}{4}=4$ since $4 \times 4 = 16 = 1$. Similarly $\frac{1}{3}=2$ since $3 \times 2 = 6 = 1$

 

[WWGD]

Can one of you post a wiki link (or similar) to whichever branch of mathematics you're talking about? I'm a little out of my depth here.

Presumably, $\frac {1}{4}$ is the multiplicative inverse of $4$ in the field with $3$ elements, i.e., the number $x$ with $4x=1$ (this x exists for all non-zero elements, by definition/construction). But in $\mathbb Z_3 = \{[0],[1],[2]\}$ , the field with $3$ elements, $1=4=7=10=...; 2=5=8=11=... ; 0=3=6=...$ ( These are classes of elements rather than just elements; you collapse each of 1=4=7=... into a single class and your elements are now classes ), so you get $1/4+1/4+ 1/4 =1 +1+1 =3=0$ ( in a field with p elements, any multiple of p is the same as zero) . Hope I explained it well. This is theory of Fields, Rings in Abstract Algebra. Please ask any followup, followed by a bad joke if possible ( i.e., model any of mine ;) ).

 

[WWGD]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

I will get paid in a different class representative, say 300,000.

 

[DaveC426913]

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house.

The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."

 

[strangerep]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

Yeah, we really need another subforum in the Mathematics section: "Nonsensicus Absolutus".

 

[fresh_42]

Yeah, we really need another subforum in the Mathematics section: "Nonsensicus Absolutus".

You mean a nerd corner in the nerd lounge of nerdy general discussions?