Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

When Chuck got Covid, Covid was put in quarantine.

 

[dwarde]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 348396

Seems to be a universal hobby during summer.

 

[fresh_42]

Oma = Granny

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 348377

I suggest a new strategy Artoo: Let Chuck Norris win.

 

[fresh_42]

I suggest a new strategy Artoo: Let Chuck Norris win.

I found a fantasy version of chess called Maharaja in a book by Martin Gardner. One player has its usual set, and the other one has only one piece, the Maharaja. The Maharaja can move like a queen and a knight. Conversions are forbidden. Hence the set-up in my picture is not out of thin air and the Maharaja is actually hard to beat!

 

[berkeman]

I found a fantasy version of chess called Maharaja in a book by Martin Gardner. One player has its usual set, and the other one has only one piece, the Maharaja. The Maharaja can move like a queen and a knight. Conversions are forbidden. Hence the set-up in my picture is not out of thin air and the Maharaja is actually hard to beat!

How fun! There must be a different symbol/statue for this ultra-power Maharaja piece, and does it really need to start at d2?

 

[phinds]

How fun! There must be a different symbol/statue for this ultra-power Maharaja piece, and does it really need to start at d2?

Google is your friend
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maharajah_and_the_Sepoys

It starts at E1 and

By perfect play, Black always wins in this game

 

[berkeman]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maharajah_and_the_Sepoys

It starts at E1

 

[berkeman]

By perfect play, Black always wins in this game

Wait, what?

 

[phinds]

Don't look at me. I'm just quoting the article.

 

[berkeman]

Don't look at me. I'm just quoting the article.

Okay, that's fair. From the Wikipedia article:

Sarvatobhadra "auspicious on all sides",[3] is a popular chess variant with different armies for White and Black. It was first played in the 19th century in India. It is a solved game with a forced win for Black.

I wonder if that's been proven for other starting positions for white, like Chuck's at d2...

 

[fresh_42]

How fun! There must be a different symbol/statue for this ultra-power Maharaja piece, and does it really need to start at d2?

Say the Maharaja is white. One can use any piece since all others are black. Black has to begin and the Maharaja may be placed anywhere except for the fields that are already threatened by black pawns, of course. I hope I haven't missed something. Gardner's book is really tiny, less than 9 times 13 cm. I have it for a long and my eyes were better when I bought it.

My favorite chess version is with teams of two players each. Any even number will do, but it gets messy after six. It is played by normal Blitz chess rules, say 5 minutes on the clock. The players of a team sit side by side with alternating colors. The only additional rule is, that beaten figures (no pawns) are handed to your neighbor who can insert them in their game at any time instead of a move. One can agree on whether insertion with a checkmate is allowed or not. It is really funny and full of action, and it usually doesn't take long until someone shouts: "Material, I need material!"

 

[fresh_42]

Another version some of us at university sometimes played was cylinder chess. You simply glue the right to the left border, so that e.g. the first row is A1-B1-C1-D1-E1-F1-G1-H1-A1-B1- ... It takes quite some imagination to play it right. Most popular, however, was the simple "stair" as we called it. You start by 5 minutes on the clock each and after a win, you will be subtracted a minute. The first who runs out of time wins. The big advantage of that concept was, that average players have a chance against better players since they lose time with every match they win.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 348477

As someone who has actually had such bad eyesight to not be able to judge, the left picture is waaaay too sharp.

 

[WWGD]

I can't remember who was the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but Quasimodo rings a bell.

 

[BillTre]

Pavlov also rings a bell.

 

[WWGD]

Pavlov also rings a bell.

Or some woman( a belle) in Louisiana receives a phone call.

 

[jack action]

1. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
2. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
3. Chuck Norris once counted to infinity. Twice.
4. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
5. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
6. The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris before going to bed.
7. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
8. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.
9. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he's not lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
10. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
11. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
12. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
13. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
14. Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
15. Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
16. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
17. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
18. When Chuck Norris makes a mistake, it’s a new scientific law.
19. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
20. Chuck Norris sneezed once back in 1946 and all the ladies started mysteriously getting pregnant for the next 18 yrs. This was known as the baby boom era.

 

[jack action]

 

[jrmichler]

View attachment 348477

Severe nearsightedness is especially bad when skinny dipping in mixed company. Now that I have had cataract surgery, am farsighted, and 72 years old, nobody seems to want to go skinny dipping any more. Getting old has its downsides.

 

[fresh_42]

Severe nearsightedness is especially bad when skinny dipping in mixed company. Now that I have had cataract surgery, am farsighted, and 72 years old, nobody seems to want to go skinny dipping any more. Getting old has its downsides.

I know what you mean.

Public swimming pool (without glasses):

You can't imagine how many women wear black swimsuits and what it means when this is the only feature by which you can recognize your friend with whom you want to continue small talk.

Thermal bath (steam section without glasses; glasses are senseless because foggy):

It can be pretty embarrassing when you stare at people, trying to focus your gaze to identify your friend. They think it's voyeurism. If only they knew that voyeurism doesn't make much sense with -7 each at two meters away.

 

[WWGD]

There's an app called " Uninstaller" to uninstall apps. Wonder if it will shave itself or not.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Tom.G]

I hope he doesn't sneeze!

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

Not a new meme/joke, but sometimes the old ones are good.

 

[dwarde]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 348537

I do not doubt the result, but I'm pretty sure that the margins are significantly higher!