Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

Is the population of Egypt growing?

I don't think so, they seems to be the same height as last time.

 

[WWGD]

Diarrhea is hereditary.
How so?
It runs in your jeans!

 

[256bits]

That is so bad!
Through word association, it made me think about stool pigeons. What do they eat for lunch?

 

[WWGD]

1: Describe yourself to us.
2: My father's name is laughing, my mother's name is smiling.
1: You're kidding.
2: No, he's my brother. I'm joking.

 

[WWGD]

I couldn't find the Italian chef at the corner restaurant.
It seems he pasta way.

 

[WWGD]

Akward recent text exchange:

--I'm here for you
__ Thank you, I am going through difficult times. I Just need someone to believe in me.
__Sorry, I don't recognize your number. Who are you?
--I'm your UBER, I am outside waiting for you.

 

[davenn]

How do planets get clean?

With a meteor shower!

 

[WWGD]

In the Senegal to France car rally people ride dakar all the way to Paris.

 

[fresh_42]

That one took me an entire minute ...

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Did Canada run out of names for streets?

 

[WWGD]

I wanted to create a belt made of clocks but I realized it would be a waist of time...

 

[jbriggs444]

I wanted to create a belt made of clocks but I realized it would be a waist of time...

Maybe you need an Ehrenvest?

 

[gmax137]

Did Canada run out of names for streets?

How about Metairie, Louisiana

 

[mfb]

Hickory Ave and Dickory Ave run parallel for nearly 2 km south of this map section.

How can Steamship circle have an end? It's a "C"-shaped road, not a circle.

That reminds me: "closed" starts with an open shape, but "open" starts with a closed shape.

 

[davenn]

haha

 

[Ibix]

I like drinking brake fluid, and I drink it all day every day. My wife says I'm addicted, but I can stop anytime.

 

[davenn]

I was just looking at my ceiling...

Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.

 

[fresh_42]

I was just looking at my ceiling...

Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.

I will borrow that for a joke elsewhere which isn't allowed here.

 

[WWGD]

Dr Kevorkian, the Euthanasia doctor, was an accomplished pianist. He even put out an album: "Jack Kevorkian, Unplugged".

 

[davenn]

I was outbid by 10cents for a settee on ebay.

So close, yet sofa.

 

[jim mcnamara]

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from a linear algebra class student, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

[BillTre]

Well, that's a stretch.

 

[DrGreg]

Rulers and compasses were banned as weapons of maths construction.

(But it turned out there weren't any.)

 

[mfb]

It has been claimed that the Al-Gebra network has been terrorizing students.

 

[WWGD]

Talking to the Texan waiter who forgot my dessert order:
"Remember the A la Mode".

 

[WWGD]

Maybe we could ask Greg if he can extend the "Unwatch" function for threads to some recent movies I went to. Yech.

 

[Klystron]

Maybe we could ask Greg if he can extend the "Unwatch" function for threads to some recent movies I went to. Yech.

If I see one more serial killer movie, I'll kill ... well, something.

 

[Ibix]

Why are leopards bad at hide and seek?

They're always spotted.

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

One day, my wife and I were walking past a car that had just been pulled over. We walked past just in time to hear the driver tell the cop "I'm in a hurry". I'm betting that didn't go well.

 

[gmax137]

"I'm in a hurry"

On another forum the story was told: Outside town there is a road that crests a hill, and with enough speed, the kids could "catch some air" for fun. The poster's buddy really enjoyed this stunt, and one day as he sailed over the crest, the local cop was parked at the side of the road. Once he pulled over, the cop said "I've been waiting for you" the young driver responded, "I got here as fast as I could..."

Supposedly they both laughed and he got off with a stern warning.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

My friend is a front end web developer and he is still single, therefore I recommend a social dating website for him to find a girlfriend.

After a few days, I met him and asked: «How is it going?»

He answered: «I found some bugs in that website.»

 

[DrGreg]

(British version)
I went on a ballooning holiday. I put on five stones.

(American translation)
I went on a ballooning vacation. I put on 70 pounds.

(International translation)
I've been ballooning. I've put on 30 kg.

 

[WWGD]

My brother has a daughter named Denise. The wife is pregnant now, they know it will be a boy. They asked my opinion for the boy's name. I suggested 'Denefew'. Denise and Denefew, easy to remember.