Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ivan Seeking]

"Hey, look at that... a wig for 99 cents."

"Wow, that's a small price toupée!"

Now you're wigging me out! Why do you have to pay to pee?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I keep thinking Dave must have a really big water bucket.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[collinsmark]

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Reminds me of Monty Python's Flying Circus's "Michael Ellis" episode. They did a whole episode dedicated to ants.

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

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Hmm,... the middle photo,... isn't that the Qanon Shaman who invaded Congress?

 

[Bandersnatch]

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The first one comes with a soundtrack:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I've been really impressed with the guy who cleans toilets in our building. He has a real can do attitude.

 

[DennisN]

Who were the greatest con men in history?

Spoiler

The Egyptians. They had the best pyramid schemes.

 

[jack action]

Apparently, one in five people in the world is Chinese, and they are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mom or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

 

[jack action]

 

[DrGreg]

I notice that the floor tiles are oriented to make life easier for the bishop.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 286019​

The king and queen at marriage counseling:

 

[fresh_42]

The king and queen at marriage counseling:

View attachment 286023

This can only end up bad! I mean, who in the world thinks that a bishop is even closely a good marriage counselor?

 

[jack action]

This can only end up bad! I mean, who in the world thinks that a bishop is even closely a good marriage counselor?

Hollywood?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

This can only end up bad! I mean, who in the world thinks that a bishop is even closely a good marriage counselor?

My first sex education class was taught by a priest! Even then I knew that didn't make sense.

 

[Jarvis323]

My 100% biodegradable hair ties arrived today.

Spoiler

https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidr...iveries-ends-up-in-the-ocean/?sh=2805a76e63b4

 

[mfb]

This can only end up bad! I mean, who in the world thinks that a bishop is even closely a good marriage counselor?

Often king and queen stay together until the bishop leaves...

 

[fresh_42]

Often king and queen stay together until the bishop leaves...

And another example of clerical oppression!

 

[ergospherical]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 286066

What that doesn't tell you is how many people drank from their batteries 50 years ago. Have you seen any 50 year old batteries that still have acid in them?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

In regard to Covid 19, for heard immunity there is an audio version of the vaccine.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

Hmm,... it took me a while to understand why that's a joke.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

About 30 years ago I managed to borrow a human-sized, primitive robot that had been used for a police, drug education program. It was propelled; had movable arms and a head that turned. It had a sound system as well as a video system that allowed me to see what the robot sees. This was all secretly remote controlled. I refurbished it and used it for a Cub Scout summer space camp. And it was an amazing thing to watch. Morgon the Vorgon came to life. Some kids would even run up and hug him and tell him they loved him. So much fun!

Finally the camp ended and Morgon was loaded up standing in the back of my truck. I tied off ropes to stabilize him. And soon I found my self driving slowly down Main Street with Morgon. So I grabbed the audio and switch it onto high volume. Morgon's head began turning side to side in a panic as he cried out "Help! Help! I'm being abducted!"

I could see people on the sidewalks bursting into laughter.

An interesting note: That same week, President Clinton announced that we had found evidence for primitive life on Mars. Morgon the Vorgon made the announcement. So that would have been 1996. Hard to imagine those kids would all be around 35-38 now.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Things you can say

I knew that.

 

[Keith_McClary]

front door of the school

I know some who just walked out the back door.

 

[mfb]

Hmm,... it took me a while to understand why that's a joke.

In this economy?

 

[Filip Larsen]

I don't get it. He is clearly not wearing socks in his sandals so why is she looking like that??

 

[jack action]

Sad news.

I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee.

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sad news.

I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee.

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone.

But you were seeing Claire Lee already.

 

[jack action]

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

 

[256bits]

I've been really impressed with the guy who cleans toilets in our building. He has a real can do attitude.

Ha ha . He's number 2 in the business!

 

[256bits]

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

Too subtle.

Nontheless.
A Bff you can find at the SPCA - lots of eager friends to choose from.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for July 17, 2021​

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]