Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

Sounds like a mayor injury.

Old country song.

 

[WWGD]

I could have sworn I had the program to open .djvu files...Didn't I post this before?

 

[jtbell]

I pulled a muscle digging for gold. Just a miner injury.

Don't let a piano fall on you while you're down there, or you'll be A flat minor. <bwonnnnng>

 

[phinds]

Ah, Jeez, it's starting again

 

[shjacks45]

True.
Do Zebras have black stripes or white stripes? The hair on the belly is white, so black stripes. But skin is actually black.

From george carlin:
Why do we drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?
Why are there InterState freeways in Hawaii?
Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
"This program was pre-recorded." Well, of course it was pre-recorded! When else are you going to record it, afterwards?
Chickens are decent people. You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No. You don't see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking him up to electricity, do you?... When's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the dang out of his hen, huh? Doesn't happen... 'cause chickens are decent people.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/comedianjokes/georgecarlinjokes.html

 

[wrobel]

text: the racing of submarines is an exciting show

 

[jack action]

My ex gf has a permanent injury...

She's a hairstylist?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

She's a hairstylist?

She's from Russia
gorodperm.ru

 

[sysprog]

View attachment 266586

It's an actual company (in NSW, Australia) and that's their real phone number $-$

 

[WWGD]

It's an actual company (in NSW, Australia) and that's their real phone number $-$

View attachment 266591

Thanks for the phone info but I don't need a whore at this moment. ;).

 

[WWGD]

 

[wrobel]

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 266617

And the question is written in Comic Sans...

 

[wrobel]

View attachment 266593

Your Honor please do not send me to the scaffold

 

[etotheipi]

 

[WWGD]

Your Honor please do not send me to the scaffold

Unfortunately my phone only displays " virw attachment 266993" , so I don't know what post you're referring to.

 

[mfb]

The quote should have a link at the top. It certainly has in the desktop version.
It's the "pardon" dog.

 

[jim mcnamara]

Had my family tree done. Seems I am the sap.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[wrobel]

Unfortunately my phone only displays " virw attachment 266993" , so I don't know what post you're referring to.

your post with dog in wig

 

[Mark44]

I think I'm going to start a business selling second hand defibrillators in shocking condition and vacuum cleaners that suck. Any ideas for other products I could sell?

Second-hand watches with no second hand...

 

[Mark44]

A truck with a load of Roget's Thesaurus overturned and spilled them all over the road. Witnesses were stunned, startled, flabbergasted, amazed, surprized, taken aback, stupefied ...

What does a thesaurus have for breakfast?
A synonym bun.

 

[WWGD]

Read the book titles in order:

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

The town council was concerned because not enough members were coming to meetings so they asked for suggestions. One member said, look let's make it absolutely mandatory that members come to the next meeting and for that meeting we'll bring in a hypnotist to plant a post-hypnotic suggestion that everyone attend meetings from now on. They all agreed that it should be tried.

The meeting started and the hypnotist was brought out. He faced the members, brought out a pocket watch, and in calm, slightly boring, but hypnotic voice said over and over ... watch the watch ... watch the watch ... watch the watch ... watch the watch ... watch the watch ... right then his finders slipped and he said, "oh, CRAP".

It took three days to clean up the council meeting room.

 

[fresh_42]

Work never ends in National Parks, even if they are closed.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Borg]

View attachment 266670

What the heck is a Forgetfulness Headache?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

Both concrete and glass are mostly made of sand, which makes skyscrapers just really tall sandcastles.