Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #876
jtbell said:
Have you heard the idea that the entire universe is just a hashish-fueled dream of some super-being? It's called the "Big Bong theory."
I hadn't heard that, but I know the theory that says the universe began when some pimply kid blew into his lunch bag and popped it behind the head of that freckle-faced girl in pigtails. It's called the bag bang theory.
 
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  • #877
Jimmy Snyder said:
I hadn't heard that, but I know the theory that says the universe began when some pimply kid blew into his lunch bag and popped it behind the head of that freckle-faced girl in pigtails. It's called the bag bang theory.

I thought that was the explantion for how Rossane and Arnold... you know... "coupled"?
 
  • #878
nismaratwork said:
Backward English looks suspciously Scandinavian... :wink:
DevilsAvocado said:
Haev yöu crooked tse stoipid cod?? :bugeye: Meine kleine Greta thold mee it was kömpletely zafe!
jtbell said:
Aha! You're the person responsible for the opening credits in Monty Python and the Holy Grail!
Who ez rezhpönsible for gïveeng thee møøse ah bäth?
Whö fëd tshe møøse?
Whoo, myh freündh, hoo petthed te møøse?
Whät ahboot tælleeng the møøse ah bedtyme störie? Hoo dæd thät?
 
  • #879
:smile:

LAME guys... keep it LAME. You can't be funny in the LAME joke thread.
 
  • #880
FtlIsAwesome said:
Whät ahboot tælleeng the møøse ah bedtyme störie? Hoo dæd thät?

Wöll eay dæd that... eay tœlled hīæs fävôrite – Luttel Rudd Røidæng Höööd...

Ænd nöw dhe dämmned thong wön’t wouke!? :bugeye::bugeye:

[PLAIN]http://www.tdf.se/backaby/images/anders1.jpg [URL]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/ca/Moose-warning.svg/200px-Moose-warning.svg.png[/URL]
 
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  • #881
I rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared granting me 3 wishes. But whatever I wish for, my worst enemy will get double. So I wished for a billion dollars, I wished for a vacation home in Aruba, and I wished to be beaten half to death.
 
  • #882
Jimmy Snyder said:
I rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared granting me 3 wishes. But whatever I wish for, my worst enemy will get double. So I wished for a billion dollars, I wished for a vacation home in Aruba, and I wished to be beaten half to death.

I like that one, but the version I heard ended with, "I wish I had one testicle".
 
  • #883
nismaratwork said:
I like that one, but the version I heard ended with, "I wish I had one testicle".
I assume you mean lost one, not had one.
 
  • #884
Jimmy Snyder said:
I assume you mean lost one, not had one.

Ah, yes, quite right.
 
  • #885
What does someone who just got kicked in the testicles and a land owner have in common?

They both have a couple acres...
 
  • #886
Jimmy Snyder said:
Try 2578 x 3 and see what breaks out.

Lancelot59 said:
Enter this into your calculator:

7251*8

and turn it upside down.

This, too, shall pass the way of the slide rule. Even the cheap sub $20 calculators have symbolic notation nowadays.

[PLAIN]http://www.casio.com/resource/images/xlarge/fx-300es_xlarge.jpg
 
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  • #887
The other day I managed to backwards engineer one of those upside down dirty calculator jokes I remembered from my youth. I don't know if it's fully appropriate for this thread, so perhaps I shall just say it starts with "there was 1 girl". It's 1 16 69 X 3

The result describes the uh... alleged status of said female.

It was funny as hell when I was 12.

I shall now flee.

-Dave KA
 
  • #888
BobG said:
This, too, shall pass the way of the slide rule. Even the cheap sub $20 calculators have symbolic notation nowadays.

[PLAIN]http://www.casio.com/resource/images/xlarge/fx-300es_xlarge.jpg[/QUOTE]

I've never felt so old in my life.
 
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  • #889
nismaratwork said:
I've never felt so old in my life.

Makes perfect sense. You haven't been this old before.
 
  • #890
lisab said:
Makes perfect sense. You haven't been this old before.

Now THAT belongs in lame jokes!... and only on PF... :smile:
 
  • #891
In a class I teach, I used to have the students calculate the speed of a satellite in a circular orbit with some absurd radius. When they'd start giving their answers, I'd just "I don't know, but if you turn your calculator upside down you'll get the name of the best instructor in the school house."

It was kind of depressing to buy new calculators for my classes. But, on the other hand, there's a way to use Newton's method on those calculators very quickly to convert mean anomaly into eccentric anomaly. Not bad for a calculator in the $15 to $20 range.
 
  • #892
BobG said:
In a class I teach, I used to have the students calculate the speed of a satellite in a circular orbit with some absurd radius. When they'd start giving their answers, I'd just "I don't know, but if you turn your calculator upside down you'll get the name of the best instructor in the school house."

It was kind of depressing to buy new calculators for my classes. But, on the other hand, there's a way to use Newton's method on those calculators very quickly to convert mean anomaly into eccentric anomaly. Not bad for a calculator in the $15 to $20 range.

Hmmm... I just think about the time we all spent programming graphing calculators, burning CDs... and now...

I just got a Kindle. I remember my old Commadore... floppy, Floppy Discs... DOS...

and I'm freaking 30! I'm too young to be so old! :wink:
 
  • #893
MILF = Man I Love Fishing

There is a picture to go with this, but I'm not sure it'd be acceptable here.
 
  • #894
nismaratwork said:
LAME guys... keep it LAME. You can't be funny in the LAME joke thread.
>Ahem<
Any Joke particle can simultaneously occupy the quantum superposition of Funny and Lame, therefore it can have the quality of Funny, but the quality of Lame is all that influences its standing here.

nismaratwork said:
I've never felt so old in my life.
I've never felt this old either...

lisab said:
Makes perfect sense. You haven't been this old before.
Booyah!

nismaratwork said:
Now THAT belongs in lame jokes!... and only on PF... :smile:
This Joke particle does satisfy the requirment of Lame. Though not affecting its status in this Lame Jokes Thread (a collection of Joke particles organized into a nucleus with smaller Joke particles orbiting it), it also has the quality of Funny.

nismaratwork said:
I'm freaking 30! I'm too young to be so old! :wink:
I feel the same way... even though I'm slightly over half your age.

>oops<
>I've annoyed him<
>I run away as he unleashes his army of lightsaber tae-kwan-do-dos upon me<
 
  • #895
Lancelot59 said:
MILF = Man I Love Fishing

There is a picture to go with this, but I'm not sure it'd be acceptable here.

MILF:


Massive Interstellar Local Formation
More Ice Like FAST
My Id Loves Funk
Make Ideograms Look Fun
My Ideas Lack Flair

...
 
  • #896
FtlIsAwesome said:
>Ahem<
Any Joke particle can simultaneously occupy the quantum superposition of Funny and Lame, therefore it can have the quality of Funny, but the quality of Lame is all that influences its standing here.


I've never felt this old either...


Booyah!


This Joke particle does satisfy the requirment of Lame. Though not affecting its status in this Lame Jokes Thread (a collection of Joke particles organized into a nucleus with smaller Joke particles orbiting it), it also has the quality of Funny.


I feel the same way... even though I'm slightly over half your age.

>oops<
>I've annoyed him<
>I run away as he unleashes his army of lightsaber tae-kwan-do-dos upon me<

:smile:

Hehhehehe... Good stuff!
edit: However... doesn't that only work for ensembles of joke particles?
 
  • #897
nismaratwork said:
However... doesn't that only work for ensembles of joke particles?
You've got me stumped.
We'll need a trained quantum physicist to investigate the matter.

Ha! A pun!
 
  • #898
FtlIsAwesome said:
You've got me stumped.
We'll need a trained quantum physicist to investigate the matter.

Ha! A pun!

Nah, that won't work... You'll just have different Interpretations... :wink:
 
  • #899
Meanwhile I am preparing my defenses against the lightsaber tae-kwan-do-do attack.
I have sent out my Concordeans to bomb them.

PS Did you get the pun?
 
  • #900
FtlIsAwesome said:
Meanwhile I am preparing my defenses against the lightsaber tae-kwan-do-do attack.
I have sent out my Concordeans to bomb them.

PS Did you get the pun?

Yes, and I appreciate the reference to the uber-birds. :wink:

Ahhh.. what did we do before photoshop? :biggrin:

...
...
...

That's it. Your "reason" for supersonic birds... kinetic bombardment. If they are originally "biomechanical", and engineered... they could have been weapons. Now... they just live...
 
  • #901
"This is Concordean 502, ready to drop payload."
"You have a go to drop the Tsar Bomba 4.0."
The massive bomb drops to the ground. It explodes in a 200 megaton fireball that engulfs the 55th TaeKwanDoDo Division. My bird zips away.
I put on sunglasses and say "Oooh! Shiny! F!r3w0rxx0rz!"
 
  • #902
nismaratwork said:
Ahhh.. what did we do before photoshop? :biggrin:
Humanity told stories about tall beanstalks, giants, and The Time Machine by H. G. Wells.
 
  • #903
FtlIsAwesome said:
Humanity told stories about tall beanstalks, giants, and The Time Machine by H. G. Wells.

Hmmm... not too bad.

Still, I think the birds would be better if they ARE the projectiles. They circulate around your jetstream, and when need arises they go into a ballistic trajectory and the kinetic energy alone is the bomb.
 
  • #904
nismaratwork said:
Still, I think the birds would be better if they ARE the projectiles. They circulate around your jetstream, and when need arises they go into a ballistic trajectory and the kinetic energy alone is the bomb.
Are current supersonic aircraft good as kinetic weapons?

And to stay on-topic I should put a lame joke here...

Death by dihydrogen monoxide can be one of the worst ways to die.
 
  • #905
FtlIsAwesome said:
Are current supersonic aircraft good as kinetic weapons?

And to stay on-topic I should put a lame joke here...

Death by dihydrogen monoxide can be one of the worst ways to die.

Oooh... OUCH...

As to the aircraft... no, but then... this is a different planet, right? Maybe there's a reason to avoid nuclear weapons, or conventional explosives...

Still... if you look at 9.11... they do work as kinetic weapons, and that's not supersonic.


Back to jokes: "Cricket: "A game invented by religious fundamentalists to explain the idea of eternal hell to non-Chrisitan indigenous people of the former British Empire." (Joe O'Connor) " *from The Devil's Dictionary*
 
  • #906
A rare and confusing event for the locals, snow fell on San Francisco this week. Emergency rooms were deludged with cases of nasal-cavity frost bite.
 
  • #907
Ivan Seeking said:
A rare and confusing event for the locals, snow fell on San Francisco this week. Emergency rooms were deludged with cases of nasal-cavity frost bite.

:smile:

I'm laughing, but truly, my nose just got a bit stuffy thinking about it.
 
  • #908
Ivan Seeking said:
A rare and confusing event for the locals, snow fell on San Francisco this week. Emergency rooms were deludged with cases of nasal-cavity frost bite.

I don't get it.
 
  • #909
Lancelot59 said:
I don't get it.

Think... rails.
 
  • #910
nismaratwork said:
Think... rails.

I still don't get it.
 

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