- #981
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
Isaacsname said:
My eyes! My ears! My... AAARRGGHHH!
Last edited by a moderator:
Collection of Lame Jokes
- Thread starter quddusaliquddus
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jokes
In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
My eyes! My ears! My... AAARRGGHHH!
- #982
FtlIsAwesome
Gold Member
- 204
- 0
A transportation engineer zombie?
" Trrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnssssss "
" Trrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnssssss "
- #983
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
FtlIsAwesome said:
A pilot zombie ?
" Plllaaaaannnnnneeeeeeeeessss"
A zombie car mechanic ?
" Auuuttttooooooomobilllleeeeeeeeesssss "
- #984
Lancelot59
- 646
- 1
Isaacsname said:A pilot zombie ?
" Plllaaaaannnnnneeeeeeeeessss"
A zombie car mechanic ?
" Auuuttttooooooomobilllleeeeeeeeesssss "
Or Caaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssss
- #985
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
A zombie drycleaner ?
" Staaaiiiiiiiiiinnnnsssss "
" Staaaiiiiiiiiiinnnnsssss "
- #986
FtlIsAwesome
Gold Member
- 204
- 0
Isaacsname said:A pilot zombie ?
" Plllaaaaannnnnneeeeeeeeessss"
A zombie car mechanic ?
" Auuuttttooooooomobilllleeeeeeeeesssss "
That last one doesn't work.
- #987
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
Zombie Singer?
"Reeeeefffrraaaaaaiiiiinnnsss"
Zombie Pedagogue?
"Eeexxxxxplllaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnssss"
heh... so lame.
"Reeeeefffrraaaaaaiiiiinnnsss"
Zombie Pedagogue?
"Eeexxxxxplllaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnssss"
heh... so lame.
- #988
Lancelot59
- 646
- 1
Zombie electrician?
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnsssss.
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnsssss.
- #989
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
Lancelot59 said:
Zombie PT?
Spppprrraaaaaaaaiiinnnsssss
- #990
FtlIsAwesome
Gold Member
- 204
- 0
A photographist zombie?
" Frrrraaaaaaammmmmeeeesssssss "
" Frrrraaaaaaammmmmeeeesssssss "
- #991
Lancelot59
- 646
- 1
nismaratwork said:
Zombie porn star?
Baaaaaaabeeeeeessss.
- #992
FtlIsAwesome
Gold Member
- 204
- 0
A zombie with a headache?
" Assssppprrrrriiiiinnnn "
" Assssppprrrrriiiiinnnn "
- #993
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
FtlIsAwesome said:
A physicist zombie studying Relativity?
"Frrrraaaaammmeesssss"
P.S. Damn, Fit you got me!
- #994
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
Lancelot59 said:
More like, "AAAAIIIIIIDDDDSSSS"
Zombie Origami artist?
"Crrrrraaaaannnneeesss"
- #995
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
Zombie Ex-mother inlaw ?
" Disdaaaiiiiiiinnnssss "
...' backs slowly towards exit '
" Disdaaaiiiiiiinnnssss "
...' backs slowly towards exit '
- #996
FtlIsAwesome
Gold Member
- 204
- 0
Or a constuction zombie.nismaratwork said:
- #997
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
A cowboy rides into town one day, shrouded in dust. He eases his horse up to the the saloon, hops off, ties the horse off and put on the feedbag.
He walks around to the rear of the horse, lifts up the tail and kisses the horse right where you wouldn't.
The other cowboys, stunned into silence momentarily, ask the lone stranger
" What the hell was that for ..? "
The stranger replies
" ... " Chapped lips "
To which they reply
" ..What the hell does that have to do with chapped lips...? "
The stranger looks up and says
" Well,...It keeps me from licking them "
He walks around to the rear of the horse, lifts up the tail and kisses the horse right where you wouldn't.
The other cowboys, stunned into silence momentarily, ask the lone stranger
" What the hell was that for ..? "
The stranger replies
" ... " Chapped lips "
To which they reply
" ..What the hell does that have to do with chapped lips...? "
The stranger looks up and says
" Well,...It keeps me from licking them "
- #998
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
OK... I just died a little inside...
- #999
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
Ha ! Didn't they warn you..? I'm dangerous...
...ly stupid.
...ly stupid.
- #1,000
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
Isaacsname said:Ha ! Didn't they warn you..? I'm dangerous...
...ly stupid.
Heh...
- #1,001
Lancelot59
- 646
- 1
Zombie shoe salesman:
Laaaaaaaaccceeeeeeesssss.
Laaaaaaaaccceeeeeeesssss.
- #1,002
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
Lancelot59 said:
A zombie dentist
" Brrraaaaaaaccccceeeeesssss "
- #1,003
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
Isaacsname said:
A zombie insomniac
"Paaaaaaccceeesssss"
- #1,004
Borek
Mentor
- 29,045
- 4,418
Cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets twice, strikes the end of the cigarette and lights it.
- Hi, I am John!
Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets thrice, strikes the end of the cigarette and lights it.
- Hi, I am Jack!
Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets four times, kills a bartender.
- Hi, I am sorry.
- Hi, I am John!
Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets thrice, strikes the end of the cigarette and lights it.
- Hi, I am Jack!
Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets four times, kills a bartender.
- Hi, I am sorry.
- #1,005
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
Not a joke but a question
Why is it, that if I get tattoos, I'm hip, and if I draw on myself with markers, I'm crazy ?
..who's makin' these rules anyway ?
Why is it, that if I get tattoos, I'm hip, and if I draw on myself with markers, I'm crazy ?
..who's makin' these rules anyway ?
- #1,006
FtlIsAwesome
Gold Member
- 204
- 0
Markers will wear off.Isaacsname said:
- #1,007
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
A down-on-his-luck piano player spots a " Jazz bar piano player wanted " sign in the window of a bar one day.
He walks in, go's over to the bar and says
" I can play, but I don't do covers, are you interested..? "
The bartender looks up, " ..Ok,..go ahead and play me a quick tune, I'll have a listen . "
The piano player hops up on stage and deftly renders an incredible original composition.
The bartender is almost stunned to tears..." What do you call that song.. it was beautiful .."
The Man replies "..Well, to be honest, I name my songs after things that happen to me, so I call that one " My ex-wife took everything I had, and now I'm sleeping in my car underneath the bridge. "
The bartender is like
...but asks for another demonstration of the man's abilities.
Once again the pianoman weaves a musical tapestry versed with the spirit of all the jazz greats.
The bartender says " I'm a little reluctant to ask,...but what do you call that one ..? "
He replies " Hey, look what I just stepped in ! "
The bartender is a little concerned with the song names, but tells the man to come back at 6 and give it a go.
Around 8 the man takes a bathroom break, when he comes out of the bathroom, the next man in line who'd been waiting to use the john says
" Hey man, do you know your fly's open ? "
The piano players looks at the man
.." pppfttt...know it ? "
" I wrote it "
He walks in, go's over to the bar and says
" I can play, but I don't do covers, are you interested..? "
The bartender looks up, " ..Ok,..go ahead and play me a quick tune, I'll have a listen . "
The piano player hops up on stage and deftly renders an incredible original composition.
The bartender is almost stunned to tears..." What do you call that song.. it was beautiful .."
The Man replies "..Well, to be honest, I name my songs after things that happen to me, so I call that one " My ex-wife took everything I had, and now I'm sleeping in my car underneath the bridge. "
The bartender is like
...but asks for another demonstration of the man's abilities.
Once again the pianoman weaves a musical tapestry versed with the spirit of all the jazz greats.
The bartender says " I'm a little reluctant to ask,...but what do you call that one ..? "
He replies " Hey, look what I just stepped in ! "
The bartender is a little concerned with the song names, but tells the man to come back at 6 and give it a go.
Around 8 the man takes a bathroom break, when he comes out of the bathroom, the next man in line who'd been waiting to use the john says
" Hey man, do you know your fly's open ? "
The piano players looks at the man
.." pppfttt...know it ? "
" I wrote it "
- #1,008
FtlIsAwesome
Gold Member
- 204
- 0
I just realized that I got the exact 1000th post on this thread!FtlIsAwesome said:
- #1,009
mugaliens
- 197
- 1
One camel says to the other, "I don't care what anyone says, I'm thirsty."
- #1,010
mugaliens
- 197
- 1
Did you hear about the stickup on the bridge?
No.
Who threw it up there?
No.
Who threw it up there?
- #1,011
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
What do you get when you cross an elephant with an octopus ?
You get an elephant that eats a lot of peanuts.
You get an elephant that eats a lot of peanuts.
- #1,012
lisab
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
- 2,026
- 624
Isaacsname said:
|elephant||octopus|*sin θ
- #1,013
Isaacsname
- 63
- 9
lisab said:
'hangs head'
...I'm a flop at maths, I wish I understood the humor in that, I bet it's funny.
:shy:
- #1,014
Lancelot59
- 646
- 1
lisab said:
Lisa isn't that great either. That's a dot product.
- #1,015
nismaratwork
- 359
- 0
Isaacsname said:
Imagine they're both lines, or curves... she just made them "cross" on her graph.
I think.
I'm better with the abstract math than actual calculations... oh that was fun in HS.
@mugaliens: You're going to hell, which I don't believe in, for making jokes that bad.