Collection of Lame Jokes

[wrobel]

An elder colleague told me a story. One Russian mathematician was invited to a conference in USA. It was the iron curtain times and the guy almost did not speak English and he learned his speech by rote. At the end he wanted to say "I want to wish you a successful life" but he said "I want to wish you a sex full life"

 

[Ivan Seeking]

An elder colleague told me a story. One Russian mathematician was invited to a conference in USA. It was the iron curtain times and the guy almost did not speak English and he learned his speech by rote. At the end he wanted to say "I want to wish you a successful life" but he said "I want to wish you a sex full life"

Well, you know what Putin says about Russian prostitutes.

 

[gmax137]

I should go around and ask other troops if they have a bacon stretcher. This was used to stretch the bacon so that one piece could be made into two

In my troop, the bacon stretcher was used to keep the bacon flat as it fried, so it didn't curl up with rare and well-done parts on the same piece.

We had other items for the tenderfeet to seek out: shoreline (to tie up the canoes), left-handed smoke shifters (to keep the campfire smoke out of our eyes), I'm sure there were more.

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[mfb]

There is nothing cooler than casually walking away after blowing something up

Just don't announce it or things get messy outside the bathroom, too.

 

[Ophiolite]

My boxing coach told me I would do a lot better if I did more feinting and less fainting.

 

[phinds]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Just don't announce it or things get messy outside the bathroom, too.

That is hilarious!

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 287183

Huh?

 

[phinds]

Huh?

Guy's belly flab looks exactly like a profile of Woody Harrelson. I saw the resemblance immediately.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Guy's belly flab looks exactly like a profile of Woody Harrelson. I saw the resemblance immediately.

Why would anyone know what Woody Harrelson's belly flab looks like? Are a lot of people close with Woody?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 287189

Cow manure, aka Caumanure is my favorite French wine.

 

[WWGD]

Why would anyone know what Woody Harrelson's belly flab looks like? Are a lot of people close with Woody?

No, belly flab of guy in pic looks like Woody himself, not his flab.

 

[phinds]

Why would anyone know what Woody Harrelson's belly flab looks like? Are a lot of people close with Woody?

I assume you are not being serious.

 

[WWGD]

 

[DrGreg]

I was told the best way to prepare strawberries is to sprinkle with sugar and pile cream on top.

Don't try it! Pile cream tastes awful!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

No, belly flab of guy in pic looks like Woody himself, not his flab.

Huh?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I assume you are not being serious.

LMAO, you guys are killing me!

 

[Bandersnatch]

I can't tell if you're doing a bit, or if you skipped your coffee today.

It's a manifestation, you see? A woodyfestation. Like when Jesus decides to appear in a slice of bread or on some dog's hindquarters.

 

[jack action]

When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leppard.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

I found this in a co-worker's cubicle today (yes, he does work in Marketing)...

https://www.bowdoin.edu/~disrael/what-the-customer-really-needed/what-the-customer-really-needed.jpg

 

[Ibix]

An explorer is deep in the jungle and finds himself surrounded by cannibals. "Oh no," he mutters, "I'm going to die."

But suddenly a crack opens in the clouds and a ray of light streams down and a voice booms, "No, you are not. Pick up that rock and bash the leader over the head with it."

Quickly, the explorer picks up the rock and smashes it as hard as he can over the lead cannibal's head. As he falls to the ground, the voice booms "Now you're going to die."

 

[jtbell]

This really happened when I was out one night with a group of friends in grad school.

"The town where I went to college was sooo small..."

"How small was it, JT?"

"It was so small, the only traffic light was a blinker."

 

[jack action]

 

[berkeman]

Oh dear, that took me 30 seconds too long to get it...

 

[WWGD]