Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

Could this be the best place to study thermodynamics?

Isothermal Community College

I haven't checked out their physics courses, but I've driven past it a number of times.

 

[berkeman]

Isothermal Community College

WITW? I finally found why they chose that name (at the bottom of the "About Us" page)...

What's in a name?

Isothermal Community College is named after our location in the isothermal belt, an area in the foothills of Western North Carolina with significantly milder temperatures than its immediate neighboring areas. The phenomenon usually occurs on the southern slopes of mountains, in our case the off the Blue Ridge Mountains. These mountains protect our foothills region by breaking up weather fronts and giving us a more temperate climate than surrounding areas.

Unlike most other community colleges, Isothermal is named for the region rather than the county where we are located .

 

[gmax137]

Homecoming Weekend they play the Adiabatics.

The Thermo Three: Isothermal, Adiabatic, and Isochoric

 

[BillTre]

Their mascot is the Demon.
Their marching band does random walks.

 

[valenumr]

Homecoming Weekend they play the Adiabatics.

The Thermo Three: Isothermal, Adiabatic, and Isochoric

Also playing: Mike + the Stastical Mechanics

 

[fresh_42]

I am always at a spot where it is always iso-anything.

 

[jtbell]

Homecoming Weekend they play the Adiabatics.

The Thermo Three: Isothermal, Adiabatic, and Isochoric

Shouldn't there be four? Isothermal, Adiabatic, Isochoric and Isobaric, to counter the Four Horsemen?

 

[jack action]

Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol!

​

"Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol." Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.

It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.

"If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.

The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Time to get dressed up!

 

[Ibix]

If you get locked out then you should talk to the lock, calmly making your situation clear.

Communication is the key.

 

[jtbell]

"Open sesame, please? I'll give you an extra squirt of graphite dust if you do!"

 

[jack action]

I received a wedding invitation and at the bottom was written: "Your presence itself is a gift. We don't want gifts at our wedding."

I read it again and again and I was getting confused.

I finally came to the conclusion that I wasn't invited and decided not to attend.

 

[sysprog]

What did Long John Silver say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey . . .

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

Too funny. Yesterday on my drive home I noticed that the American Flag at a McDonald's restarurant was at half-staff. As usual, I thought "Uh-oh, who died?". (In the end it turned out to be for Senator Harry Reid, who recently passed away.)

But when I did a Google search to try to figure it out, I got the hit below. LOL

 

[DaveC426913]

And here I thought it was smoke signal telling passersby that the ice cream machine was out of order.

 

[DennisN]

Few people know that cats were the original entrepreneurs behind Amazon:

 

[wrobel]

text: vodka saved more animals than Greenpeace

 

[WWGD]

Seems like grilled chicken chain "Pollo Tropical" (Chicken from the Tropics) has branches in Russia. I can imagine people eating chicken wearing 5 coats staring at the palm trees in the PT logo.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?'

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm going to have to explain it five times.'

 

[Ibix]

Scientists have recently discovered a highly sophisticated communication network between plants. They've christened it WhatSap.

 

[Borg]

Spoiler: What did one plant say to the other?

I find that difficult to be leaf.

 

[jack action]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

 

[phinds]

Gads, I remember now hearing that decades ago but had totally forgotten the punch line. Nice chuckle. Thanks.

 

[Baluncore]

I did not believe in phrenology until after my accident, when I hit my head. According to the Phrenologist, the bump on my head indicates that I am accident prone.

 

[phinds]

Reminds me of the guy who was heavily into phrenology and found out that a famous phrenologist was giving a lecture on the same night as he had a date with a really beautiful and witty young woman. He was having a really hard time choosing. Her suggestion: flip a coin.

 

[DaveC426913]

I don't get it.

 

[jtbell]

How did the big ape propose to his sweetheart?

"Gorilla my dreams, will you marry me?"

 

[jtbell]

 

[Ibix]

Do sprinters eat before a race?

No, they fast.

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]