Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

View attachment 295469​

And notice his first name: No Vak.

 

[DennisN]

 

[valenumr]

View attachment 295487

This is why you put the toilet paper roll backwards... Or just don't have cats.

 

[BillTre]

 

[berkeman]

When you think your toddler may be interested in becoming a doctor one day...

 

[berkeman]

True story -- I was once in the Medical Supply section of the Stanford University Bookstore, and a little girl who was there with her parents noticed a half-size skeleton on display. She walked over and stood right in front of it (she was exactly as tall as the skeleton), and kept staring at it. It was kind of like she was trying to figure out what it was, and if it was a kid thing of some sort. The parents and I made eye contact, and we all had big grins on our faces. Classic moment...

 

[BillTre]

True story -- I was once in the Medical Supply section of the Stanford University Bookstore, and a little girl who was there with her parents noticed a half-size skeleton on display. She walked over and stood right in front of it (she was exactly as tall as the skeleton), and kept staring at it. It was kind of like she was trying to figure out what it was, and if it was a kid thing of some sort. The parents and I made eye contact, and we all had big grins on our faces. Classic moment...

It needed an abstract a 2 year old could understand.

 

[strangerep]

When you think your toddler may be interested in becoming a doctor one day...

... or if you want to scare him sh*tless one morning by quietly placing it near his bed during the night.

 

[BillTre]

One of my best friends in grad school had a picture of himself, as a pre-toddler lying on his stomach, on a bed, looking at a human skull on a pillow in front of him.
Said his parents took the picture.

 

[Borg]

And notice his first name: No Vak.

Now that he's been booted from the country, he'll have to change his name to NoTennis.

 

[collinsmark]

Hey, what are you sayin'. Skeletons ain't scary, I'm surrounded by 'em over here, and I'm OK.

 

[fresh_42]

Now that he's been booted from the country, he'll have to change his name to NoTennis.

The world is going crazy. I mean, everybody else would have gotten a three-year ban of reentry. All those news about an incredibly well-paid, nevertheless unimportant gladiator. And today I read on CNN that Pence's rabbit has died! What's next? That John Smith changed his underwear?

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Borg]

Pence's rabbit has died!

Pence is https://oncofertility.msu.edu/blog/2010/08/mythbusters-oncofertility?

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 295110

A friend of mine had this censored when he tried to post it to Facebook.

 

[Borg]

I guess they wouldn't like this one either.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

What's next? That John Smith changed his underwear?

Actually, that would be quite significant news. Many innocent people could return to their homes in his suburb.

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[ergospherical]

 

[jack action]

Before it was carved, mount Rushmore's natural beauty was unpresidented.

 

[Ibix]

I went on Dragon's Den the other day, and I showed them my dad's old shotgun. Peter Jones asked me to describe my idea, so I said "It's a simple scheme, Peter. You put all the money in the bag!"

 

[jack action]

Another Novak first:

Novak Djokovic becomes the first professional athlete in history to be banned from a major sporting competition for not taking drugs.

 

[fresh_42]

Source: see picture

 

[BillTre]

Critter Review:

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Ibix]

Which book is that? There's the same gag with 'recursion' in Kernighan & Ritchie.

 

[WWGD]

And separate entries some 20 pages appart about Deja Vu in ' Why Things Are' by J Acgenbach.

 

[Ibix]

My wife said she'd kick me out if I made one more llama joke.

I said alpaca my bags.

 

[Ibix]

Did you know that Norwegian warships have barcodes? It's because dey Scandinavian.