Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[DrGreg]

Cute business card:

Sorry, can't find the "any" key.

 

[Ibix]

When you leave the strawberries in the fridge for too long:
View attachment 301216

One of my dad's mates was like that. His surname was Bush, and he kinda did look like one...

 

[berkeman]

Found this in my Facebook feed today. Some of them are pretty funny

https://funcatz.com/2021/10/31/vetsign/43/

 

[Ibix]

Found this in my Facebook feed today. Some of them are pretty funny

"The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a tune but the Chick Peas can only hummus one"

Ouch.

 

[artis]

One of my dad's mates was like that. His surname was Bush, and he kinda did look like one...

And he probably did not like people who "beat around the bush" ...

 

[artis]

I found a little poem that originated some time after Einstein introduced relativity

"
There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
"

 

[DrGreg]

There is a weird anti-limerick:

There was a young man from St Bees
Who was stung on the arm by a wasp.
When asked "Does it hurt?"
He replied "No it doesn't;
I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet."

 

[DaveC426913]

There once was a man
from Cork, who got limericks
and haikus confused

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 301294

*sigh* It took me longer than I'm proud of to get this.

 

[Borg]

*sigh* It took me longer than I'm proud of to get this.

You know what FORD stands for right?

Spoiler: FORD 1

Fix Or Repair Daily

Spoiler: FORD 2

Found On Road Dead

 

[BillTre]

You know what FORD stands for right?

Spoiler: FORD 1

Fix Or Repair Daily

Spoiler: FORD 2

Found On Road Dead

Reminiscent of FIAT

Spoiler: FIAT

Fix It Again Tony

 

[fresh_42]

You know what FORD stands for right?

Spoiler: FORD 1

Fix Or Repair Daily

Spoiler: FORD 2

Found On Road Dead

Our Ford joke is less nasty. But it plays with words, hence cannot be translated.

 

[fresh_42]

I did not believe that FORD was so bad, at least over here. So I checked the statistics of our largest automobile association ...

Source: https://www.adac.de/rund-ums-fahrzeug/unfall-schaden-panne/adac-pannenstatistik/

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

Our Ford joke is less nasty. But it plays with words, hence cannot be translated.

But basically Nein Fahrvernugen.

 

[fresh_42]

But basically Nein Fahrvernugen.

I had a Ford Fiesta during university and can't complain. At 100 mph it started to rattle, but otherwise, it was ok.

 

[WWGD]

I had a Ford Fiesta during university and can't complain. At 100 mph it started to rattle, but otherwise, it was ok.

Guess you couldn't take it out into the Autobahn.. I had a Saturn at one point. No complaints either.

 

[DennisN]

Three more:

 

[WWGD]

I did not believe that FORD was so bad, at least over here. So I checked the statistics of our largest automobile association ...

View attachment 301303

Source: https://www.adac.de/rund-ums-fahrzeug/unfall-schaden-panne/adac-pannenstatistik/

What do the numbers measure/stand for?

 

[fresh_42]

What do the numbers measure/stand for?

Number of breakdowns in 2022 per 1,000 registered cars. The year denotes the first registration year.

 

[berkeman]

What do the numbers measure/stand for?

Sheesh! Didn't you read his link?

In der Pannenstatistik-Tabelle finden Sie alle gewerteten Modellreihen, alphabetisch sortiert und in Fahrzeugklassen eingeteilt. Hinweis: Wenn Sie auf einen der Umschaltpfeile am Kopf der Tabelle klicken, bekommen Sie die jeweils nächste Fahrzeugklasse angezeigt. Die Bewertung der Pannenhäufigkeit folgt dem Farbschema Dunkelgrün (= sehr niedrig ) bis Rot (= sehr hoch).

 

[fresh_42]

Sheesh! Didn't you read his link?

Chrome plus right-click "Translate to English" works fine!

 

[berkeman]

Chrome plus right-click "Translate to English" works fine!

TIL !

 

[fresh_42]

TIL !

It probably won't win a prize for eloquent expressions, but it is not bad. And the more formulas and numbers a page has, the better the translation. I sometimes use it in case I find a German Wikipedia page better than the English version since I'm usually too lazy to translate it. It delivers 90% of the work and I only have to correct the mistakes. It multiplies the number of available pages enormously. But I admit that German and English are not that different, so the results are normally good enough.

 

[berkeman]

It's interesting that Firefox does not have such a convenient mechanism, but I guess since Chrome and Google Translate are related by <a large corporation named for a large number>, it makes sense to have that level of integration.

 

[fresh_42]

It's interesting that Firefox does not have such a convenient mechanism, but I guess since Chrome and Google Translate are related by <a large corporation named for a large number>, it makes sense to have that level of integration.

Yes, I have a similar suspicion.

I don't like the memory management in FF. Chrome splits into various threads whereas FF piles up in one. I hate to say it, but big <insert a company or branch of your choice> isn't automatically evil.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[mfb]

Our Ford joke is less nasty. But it plays with words, hence cannot be translated.

Why have I never heard of "Für Ossis reicht das" before?
("Good enough for people in/from East Germany", although the translation loses some of the meaning)

 

[fresh_42]

Why have I never heard of "Für Ossis reicht das" before?
("Good enough for people in/from East Germany", although the translation loses some of the meaning)

Mine goes:

"What is the oldest car in the world?"
"A Ford. In der Bibel steht, Adam und Eva trieben es in einem Ford."

 

[sophiecentaur]

View attachment 301060​

A chance to look up old friends?

 

[wrobel]

Middle ages. Two fortresses are fighting each other. The first one shoots a cannonball. The second one shoots. The first one shoots. The fighting stops. The second fortress sends a negotiator to ask: why have we stopped fighting? The first one answers: you have got the cannonball.