Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

Wait. I thought that on a clear day you can see forever. Are you telling me that Alan Jay Lerner lied to us?

 

[BillTre]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

View attachment 318427

It's a serious issue for those who have felt the pain. I can relate.

 

[phinds]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 318430

When it's no longer a minor road?

 

[Orodruin]

That 3 miles of google apparently referred to this article:
https://gouldvision.com/blog/how-far-can-humans-see/

This article also mentions the Andromeda galaxy. And about those 3 miles:
"
3 miles: The edge of the Earth (as it curves) is about 3 miles from viewing point to the edge. Ever stare out at the ocean? The farthest point you can see is about 3 miles out.
"

ChatGPT is a bit more conservative in its answer:

 

[Jarvis323]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Orodruin]

And lo, the Lord spoke unto his people and said, "Behold, the universe is filled with fields of energy, both visible and invisible, that can be harnessed for great power. These fields are quantized, meaning they come in discrete units, and they are the foundation of all matter and energy in the cosmos."

 

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

Santa, I've been really really good this year and I'd like ...
Wait. OK, there was that one time when I ...
Uh, yeah, then that other time.
Well, crap. I'll just buy my own stuff.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

Well, crap. I'll just buy my own stuff.

always buy my own stuff anyway ... that way I know I will get something I like/want

 

[davenn]

I was offered a job packing paprika, thyme & rosemary into jars.
I didn't take it though. I wasn't looking for seasonal work.

 

[davenn]

and on that same theme ....

 

[davenn]

Nuclear physicists don't like hunting, but they do enjoy fission.

 

[berkeman]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

What a morning. Got up at 5am, ran 5 miles, came back and worked the weights for 1/2 hour, had a vegetable smoothie for breakfast. Now I'm exhausted and I can't even remember the rest of that dream. Don't know whether I went on to work or not.

 

[phinds]

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking rum isn't a good thing.

Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.

So, when I got home, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.

She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 79 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?

I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy.

Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!"

The line went dead. I think she fainted.

Life as a senior isn't getting easier but sometimes it can be fun!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

Honoring those in front of you, or insulting those behind you

 

[WWGD]

Irony:

 

[Mayhem]

I've decided to take my chemistry degree in the quantum/computational route.

I am become physicist, destroyer of sanity.

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

Soon it will be Christmas... and if you are going to draw your own Christmas cards, here's a lesson:

 

[dextercioby]