Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[topsquark]

What do you call a stolen Tesla?

An Edison.

-Dan

 

[phinds]

I finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures. It's my face.

Lately, I've been watching my weight. It's still there.

A billion dollar idea: a smoke detector that turns off when you yell "I'm just cooking, dammit!"

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it's fun to not be able to open that drawer.

It only takes one slow-walking person in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I'm a nice person.

 

[Borg]

It only takes one slow-walking person in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I'm a nice person.

At least they're moving. I always seem to run into people who park their carts in the narrowest part of the aisle (sometimes diagonally) and then stand next to it cluelessly. I've even had people park their carts next to mine and when I moved to make a space, they adjusted their cart to block the aisle again.

 

[Mayhem]

Reasons professors make students do handwritten assignments:
1. Faster and easier to correct.
2. Easier to detect plagiarism.
3. To smell the tears soaked into the paper.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

I went to an Internet café the other day and nobody came to take my order.

I had trouble connecting with the server.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

School psychologist asks the mother, after seeing her son's drawing: " Is he suicidal"?

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Only two things in life are certain. Death and taxes. The difference between them is that death doesn't get worse every damn time congress meets.

 

[artis]

Only two things in life are certain. Death and taxes. The difference between them is that death doesn't get worse every damn time congress meets.

It does, if they lower social security...
https://www.forbes.com/sites/niallm...-taxes-last-year-infographic/?sh=60322dfc2bac

Despite doubling its profits, Amazon has paid zero dollars in federal taxes for the second successive year.

 

[berkeman]

https://idahonews.com/news/local/ph...ds-of-funny-creative-with-these-signs?photo=9

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrGreg]

Alternatively...

 

[Swamp Thing]

Looks like the victim was a Jenga tower.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 323333

Is Squidward moonlighting as a maitre d?
A move up from the Crusty Crab.
The scene does look like Bikini Bottom ... a bit ...

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?...DF1AE0C4863E051DF1FEDF1&view=detail&FORM=VIRE

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a shy and nerdy killer whale?

Socially orca-ward.

 

[DrGreg]

Have you heard of Tarka masala?

It's like tikka masala, but it's 'otter.

 

[topsquark]

How did Sherlock Holmes know that the time traveler was hungry?

Spoiler: Thnk about it!

The time traveler went back 4 seconds.

-Dan

 

[gmax137]

How did Sherlock Holmes know that the time traveler was hungry?

arggh. I was noodling over something "alimentary..."

 

[Ibix]

arggh. I was noodling over something "alimentary..."

No, that's how he knew where the diamonds were smuggled. Or was that James Bond?

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

From the dark side:

 

[phinds]

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the response to my attempt at username and password to say, “Close enough.”

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

 

[WWGD]

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the response to my attempt at username and password to say, “Close enough.”

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

If it doesn't just demand that they give you a Pepsi. Just a Pepsi....