Collection of Lame Jokes

[berkeman]

Mine was a manager who didn't muzzle me and instead asked me to describe the features to another group within the company. Yeah, that didn't end well.

Something like this?

 

[WWGD]

i didn't muzzle myself when I saw this guy wearing a "Harvard" sweater and mumbled to myself, while obviously staring at the sweater, apparently too loud: " Yeah, right".

 

[berkeman]

LOL, I saw this posted in a local rural Silicon Valley Facebook group today. Happy 4th of July!

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 328712​

Reminded me of this sketch:

 

[Halc]

LOL, I saw this posted in a local rural Silicon Valley Facebook group today. Happy 4th of July!

View attachment 328723

How does one do something 24/7 when confining it to one day?

 

[berkeman]

How does one do something 24/7 when confining it to one day?

In some places around here in Silicon Valley (Oakland especially), it goes on for several days straight.

 

[DaveC426913]

It's like my birthday. Technically, it's centred on one day, but I welcome celebrations 24/7 all week.

 

[WWGD]

It's like my birthday. Technically, it's centred on one day, but I welcome celebrations 24/7 all week.

8760 not a thing yet?

 

[JT Smith]

How does one do something 24/7 when confining it to one day?

In some places around here in Silicon Valley (Oakland especially), it goes on for several days straight.

In San Francisco leading up to and especially during the heart of the pandemic it was an all year thing. There would be peaks of activity on holidays or if a local sports team won but there would also be skyrockets and loud explosions pretty much every night for no apparent reason. It seems to have calmed down a lot lately. I don't know why.

 

[WWGD]

Waldo's making it too easy for us:

 

[Ivan Seeking]

i didn't muzzle myself when I saw this guy wearing a "Harvard" sweater and mumbled to myself, while obviously staring at the sweater, apparently too loud: " Yeah, right".

You could tell by his hair cut that he never went to Harvard?

 

[WWGD]

You could tell by his hair cut that he never went to Harvard?

The Jim Carrey type? I'm still figuring how to imitate his walk.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Ever noticed the fallacy behind this line?

View attachment 328713

I just watched Shatner interview Nimoy [not sure how old this was] and they were talking about Star Trek. In the "Devil in the Dark" episode with the Horta, when Spock mind melds with the rock beast, he cries out "Pain! Pain! Pain!". Shatner then cried out in response "Get that man an aspirin!" Nimoy got so angry over this mockery that he wouldn't talk to Shatner for weeks.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The Jim Carrey type?

Ah, a Yale man.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[topsquark]

I studied Particle Physics all last night. When I woke up this morning I had the mad desire to go to Sweden and start a banking consortium called the "Weyl Gruppen."

I am never getting into Heaven.

-Dan

 

[mathwonk]

@WWGD: that reminds me of the time I went into a bar in Nashville (my home town), over break wearing my Harvard "varsity" jacket, (anyone could buy them at the coop), and someone asked, "that's not Harvard college is it?", obviously in disbelief, and I answered, "no it's Harvard high school", to his clear relief. I guess he just didn't believe an average doofus might wear a jacket from a school no self respecting southerner would attend. he probably thought a real Harvard varsity jacket was a pin stripe suit coat. after that my Nashville girl friend asked me not to wear my Harvard jacket any more in public as it was too embarrassing. that's when you know you can't go home anymore.

 

[WWGD]

@WWGD: that reminds me of the time I went into a bar in Nashville (my home town), over break wearing my Harvard "varsity" jacket, (anyone could buy them at the coop), and someone asked, "that's not Harvard college is it?", obviously in disbelief, and I answered, "no it's Harvard high school", to his clear relief. I guess he just didn't believe an average doofus might wear a jacket from a school no self respecting southerner would attend. he probably thought a real Harvard varsity jacket was a pin stripe suit coat. after that my Nashville girl friend asked me not to wear my Harvard jacket any more in public as it was too embarrassing. that's when you know you can't go home anymore.

I'll print a ' Harbard' or ' Harverd' jacket for myself one of these days.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 328826

The Fly, in his white balaclava.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

after that my Nashville girl friend asked me not to wear my Harvard jacket any more in public as it was too embarrassing. that's when you know you can't go home anymore.

Wow!!! Time for a new GF.

Back when I was in college I worked a retail job for a time. It was a small shop in a small town and things were very casual. Often I would never ring something up. I would just calculate the tax in my head and tell them the total.

I had one woman who was perhaps in her 60s who scowled at me when I gave her a total without ringing up her purchase. "Oh, you're one of THOSE" she said in disgust as she grabbed her stuff and left.

I remember thinking that apparently I should be insulted.

 

[berkeman]

View attachment 328848

Yeah, I work with exposed AC Mains and High Voltage (up to about 30kV) enough in the lab that I can be a bit on edge while I'm working with those exposed conductors. I startle easily anyway (because I've nurtured very fast reaction time in sports and other activities), but when I'm handling something dangerous I'm hyper sensitive and aware of what I'm doing.

An inexperienced EE who was also in the lab with me one day when I was working with HV came up behind me and did the "Ha!" slap on the shoulder just for fun. I jumped about a foot in the air (luckily not touching any HV wires in the process and came down facing him. I grabbed him by the shirt and made it very clear verbally that he better not do that again. I was a little bigger than him and in a lot better shape, so he wilted and apologized. I realized at that moment that I was about to wail on this guy physically, and I was at work and doing anything like that would likely get me fired by HR. I calmed myself down and apologized back to the guy, saying that I should not have put my hands on him. It all went away, but I'm pretty sure he never tried to play that "joke" again on anybody...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 328854

Yeah, I work with exposed AC Mains and High Voltage (up to about 30kV) enough in the lab that I can be a bit on edge while I'm working with those exposed conductors. I startle easily anyway (because I've nurtured very fast reaction time in sports and other activities), but when I'm handling something dangerous I'm hyper sensitive and aware of what I'm doing.

An inexperienced EE who was also in the lab with me one day when I was working with HV came up behind me and did the "Ha!" slap on the shoulder just for fun....

Talk about not reading the room!!! Eeesh

 

[dextercioby]

I tried to remarry my ex-wife, but I eventually failed when she realized I was after my money...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

View attachment 328858

Funny thing though, the Canadian health minister (actually the one for the province of Québec), lost a tremendous amount of weight while in office:

Before:

After:

Apparently, his son was gaining weight and he challenged him to lose weight. His son told him: "If you do it, I do it" - which motivated both of them.

 

[WWGD]

Funny thing though, the Canadian health minister (actually the one for the province of Québec), lost a tremendous amount of weight while in office:

Before:

After:

Apparently, his son was gaining weight and he challenged him to lose weight. His son told him: "If you do it, I do it" - which motivated both of them.

No Tim Hortons for a while, Eh?

 

[phinds]