Collection of Lame Jokes

[topsquark]

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Happens to me all the time...

(Anybody want any candy? I've got lots in my van...)

-Dan

 

[Borg]

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Someone sent me one of those once and did a reply all to the entire management staff. He was relegated to 'other' duties after that.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 331054

It's Sütterlin over here, Sütterlin!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

One of the lamest jokes here. Those are pythobras.

 

[phinds]

This is why I don't like soft ice cream --- I know how it gets into the cup

 

[phinds]

View attachment 331054

Also, tell them they can drive back home in the car that's outside, but make it a stick shift.

 

[fresh_42]

I donated 4l blood today but I'll never do it again. They ask far too many questions. Whose blood is this? Where did you get it from? ...

 

[BillTre]

I donated 4l blood today but I'll never do it again. They ask far too many questions. Whose blood is this? Where did you get it from? ...

I lived in the UK during their mad cow food scare so now my blood is not wanted for donation in the US.

 

[fresh_42]

"You could at least take me out for dinner on my birthday!"
"I don't date married women."
"I am your wife!"
"I make no exceptions."

 

[WWGD]

 

[nuuskur]

When did you get a new bike?

- You won't believe it! This lady pulled up to me on her bike, stripped herself naked and told me "Take whatever you want!"

Good thinking! The clothes probably wouldn't fit.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 331163

"You know, I think I could get used to this whole mansplaining thing..."

 

[dextercioby]

In Eastern Europe where I live...

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 331163

Nope. But it's not their fault, it's ours. Men have a comment on all and everything regardless of what it is. And they always pretend to know things (better), even in case of complete ignorance. They never admit a prejudice, a wrong understanding, or a simple lack of knowledge. I don't listen to men either. It is senseless.

 

[BillTre]

Nope. But it's not their fault, it's ours. Men have a comment on all and everything regardless of what it is. And they always pretend to know things (better), even in case of complete ignorance. They never admit a prejudice, a wrong understanding, or a simple lack of knowledge. I don't listen to men either. It is senseless.

I not listening to you.

 

[phinds]

Daughter: Mom, I just wanted you to know, I'm dating our neighbor Bill.
Mom: Oh, honey, yuck, he could be your dad.
Daughter: Age is not an issue for us.
Mom. No, I don't think you are following me here.

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

A depresso.

 

[Borg]

My expresso is opinionated.

 

[Ibix]

My water bed wasn't bouncy enough, so I added some spring water.

 

[Ibix]

I just found out I'm colour blind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.