Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Borg]

One of the best police encounters that I ever witnessed was seeing a car that had just been pulled over. As my wife and I walked passed, the driver opened her window and said "I'm in a hurry". I'm sure that went well...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

From Facebook today:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.

St. Peter said,

"I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?

"What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple.

"But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted.

"It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?!

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

A lot of wives complain that their husbands do not listen

I have never heard my wife say this.

She may have .....

 

[dextercioby]

Silly, lame, the perfect place here:

 

[topsquark]

Silly, lame, the perfect place here:

View attachment 335307

Mommy: Billy, what do you want for Christmas?

Billy: Cancer!

-Dan

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DaveC426913]

_{It should go without saying that the challenging bit doesn't lie in the burger getting eaten.
The challenging bit lies in the burger (not to put too fine a point on it) staying eaten.}

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 335417

That's an exaggeration. In reality, the compromise was: in every room with a ceiling and on the porch.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 335351

And religion, goes down a storm in the pub too!