Collection of Lame Jokes

[dextercioby]

 

[berkeman]

I tried to enter a limbo competition, but I didn't qualify. They set the bar pretty high.

I'm getting dizzy...

 

[berkeman]

I tried to enter a limbo competition, but I didn't qualify. They set the bar pretty high.

Okay, so you want to play that game, eh?

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

Ya gotta love the Internet:

 

[Baluncore]

A solar eclipse ... while pregnant ...
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com...ss-during-the-eclipse/articleshow/7631200.cms

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com...-day-of-surya-grahan/articleshow/99613295.cms

 

[phinds]

Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked four-year-old Johnny to answer the phone.

Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. "Mommy, it's the minister," he said to his mother.

From the kitchen, Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll call him back."

Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

 

[gmax137]

That's the cleanest Little Johnny joke I've ever heard, lol.

 

[gmax137]

Sorry to dig this up, but I was behind on reading the lame jokes thread and I just saw it.

"Das ist völliger Käse, aber eigentlich auch Wurst." (It's totally cheese, but it's actually also sausage.)

means: "It's complete nonsense but who cares."

Can we get a "like" icon that means this? It's a combination of "ha ha," "sad," and "skeptical."

 

[berkeman]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

That's the cleanest Little Johnny joke I've ever heard, lol.

Little Johnny was filling up a big hole in his back yard when his neighbor leaned over the fence and asked him what he was doing.

Well, Mr. Edwards, said Johnny, I'm burying my goldfish. He died today.

Oh, said the neighbor, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear it, but I've got a question, Johnny. How come that's such a big hole if it's just for your goldfish.

Well, explained Little Johnny, that's 'cause he's inside your cat.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[CelestialSprint]

1. Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
2. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

 

[jtbell]

When a cat wants some dressing on its Fancy Feast, what does it ask for by name?

May-ow!

 

[DaveC426913]

German is the only language in which "Das ist völliger Käse, aber eigentlich auch Wurst." (It's totally cheese, but it's actually also sausage.) makes perfect sense.

Can we get a "like" icon that means this? It's a combination of "ha ha," "sad," and "skeptical."

Can we get a petition going to request this emoticon? I'll sign.

 

[DaveC426913]

When a cat wants some dressing on its Fancy Feast, what does it ask for by name?

May-ow!

Believe it or not, this is the crux of a commercial currently in heavy rotation on the telly (but it's for mayo, not for cat food).

 

[Borg]

When a cat wants some dressing on its Fancy Feast, what does it ask for by name?

May-ow!

 

[jtbell]

Yep, I saw that commercial just this morning, and some other times during the past week. The connection with Fancy Feast is my feeble invention.

 

[davenn]

 

[nuuskur]

The flat earth community has members from all around the globe

 

[jtbell]

I hear Elon Musk is going to buy TikTok and rename it TiXToX.

 

[Orodruin]

I hear Elon Musk is going to buy TikTok and rename it TiXToX.

Much more fun to rename it capital $\chi$ - like the end of $\LaTeX$. Will not be confusing at all.

 

[Borg]

Given what he did to Twitter, he could name it T-Wrecks.

 

[BillTre]

 

[jbriggs444]

View attachment 341715

I want to see a free body diagram for the knots at either end of the "hammock".

 

[DennisN]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 341797

You are not being taxed enough.

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 341797

I might as well add that there was no political intention at all with my posting.
I just thought it was a funny picture .

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jrmichler]

I might as well add that there was no political intention at all with my posting.
I just thought it was a funny picture .

That strikes close to home for me because I'm on the town board.

 

[DennisN]

I saved a very funny picture I saw in a group on facebook...
...it's in Swedish but I provide a translation below....

Translation:

"Mission:

Convince telemarketers that lizard people rule the Earth."

 

[nsaspook]