Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #19,006
The Composinator.
 
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Physics news on Phys.org
  • #19,007
An icelander guy arrives home, and speaks loudly to his wife:

- I' m really pissed! The speech therapyst says I don't pronunce correctly the word "ridge".

- Calm down dear... could you say that word again?

- Ridge, ridge, ridge...

- Don't mind, you pronunciation is perfect.

- Yes, that's what I think. Is really hot here, could you bring me a cold beer from the ridge?
 
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  • #19,008
A local man is calmly leaning against a fence in the countryside, when a city tourist approaches him and asks:

-What a big flock of sheeps you have here! Do they eat a lot of grass?

The local farmer answers:

-Which ones, the white or the black ones?

-The white ones.

-The white sheeps eat, more or less, 10 kilograms of grass every day.

-And the black ones?

-The black ones too! About 10 Kilograms. That 's it.

-And tell me, how much wool do they produce in a year?

-Which of them, the white or the black ones?

-The white ones, for example.

-Those produce 5 kilograms of wool per year.

-And the black ones?

-The black ones produce the same amount.

-How interesting! And tell me, at what price your sheep meat sells for?

-For which ones, the white or the black ones?

-Black ones!

-Meat sells for about 10 euros per gross kilogram.

-And the white ones?

-The white ones too, the same price.

The tourist is a little perplexed, and finally exclaims:

-Every time I ask you something, you tell me to distinguish between white and black sheeps, but it seems that your answer is always the same, no matter the color. How is that?

-Simple, the white ones are mine.

-And the black ones?

-The black ones... too! All sheeps are mine.
 
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  • #19,009
Screenshot 2024-05-09 at 10.01.19 AM.png
 
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  • #19,010
Screenshot 2024-05-09 at 2.12.00 PM.png
 
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  • #19,011
Screenshot 2024-05-09 at 11.47.21 AM.png
 
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  • #19,012
Screenshot 2024-05-09 at 9.59.55 AM.png
 
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  • #19,013
Screenshot 2024-05-09 at 2.10.01 PM.png
 
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  • #19,014

sharp.jpg
 
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  • #19,015
1715316836855.png
 
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  • #19,016
caroline.jpg
 
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  • #19,017
Oh, gosh, what a funny t-shirt. I think I'm going to get one... I'll think about it. :smile:

Procrastinators.jpg


Source: here
 
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  • #19,018
DennisN said:
Oh, gosh, what a funny t-shirt. I think I'm going to get one... I'll think about it. :smile:

View attachment 344987

Source: here
A friend claimed to have won an award for procrastination. When challenged to prove it he said he couldn't because he'd never got round to collecting it.
 
Last edited:
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  • #19,019
DrGreg said:
Ibix said:
International Society of Procrastinators
I was going to join as a member, but I never got round to it.
I'll probably join some time next month.
 
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  • #19,020
Screenshot 2024-05-10 at 8.05.01 AM.png
 
  • #19,021
Screenshot 2024-05-11 at 8.02.30 AM.png
 
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  • #19,022
Why did the student bring a ladder to graduation?

So he could graduate at the top of his class.
 
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  • #19,023
I forgot how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.

I’M LIVID.
 
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  • #19,024
Screenshot_20240512_003230_Gallery.jpg
 
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  • #19,025
1715519881517.png
 
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  • #19,026
1715524612913.png
 
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  • #19,027
Screenshot_20240430_170946_YouTube.jpg
 
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  • #19,028
Screenshot_20240430_170932_YouTube.jpg
 
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  • #19,029
ohc=rHuLAvIv65IQ7kNvgEBcezS&_nc_ht=scontent-fra5-1.jpg
 
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  • #19,030
Q. What do you call fake spaghetti?
A. An impasta.
Q. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
A. It was two-tired.
 
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  • #19,031
1715538311946.png
 
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  • #19,032
1715556115959.png
 
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  • #19,033
ohc=2C0f81zVlH8Q7kNvgE9atje&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-2.jpg
 
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  • #19,034
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  • #19,035
A landlord showing apartments to a prospective tenant is getting frustrated:

"Come now, Mr. Shakespeare, please make up your mind! Which one do you want? 2B or not 2B, that is the question!"
 
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  • #19,036
Screenshot_20240430_171203_YouTube.jpg
 
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  • #19,037
Screenshot_20240430_171046_YouTube.jpg
 
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  • #19,038
1715568202049.png
 
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  • #19,039
jtbell said:
A landlord showing apartments to a prospective tenant is getting frustrated:

"Come now, Mr. Shakespeare, please make up your mind! Which one do you want? 2B or not 2B, that is the question!"
Something similar happened in a pencil shop.

In Europe, at least, "2B" is a grade of pencil.
 
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  • #19,040
Yeah, when I did a Google search for images (cartoons or memes), all the hits were related to pencils. We have #2 pencils here, too.

When I first moved here, 39 years ago, I lived in a college-owned apartment complex, in apartment 2B. While I was living there, I saw a cartoon showing the situation that I described, and taped it on my front door.

Then I hooked up with my wife-to-be, who lived two doors away in apartment 2D. We got married, bought a house, and moved there. We're still there.

I've occasionally tried to find a cartoon like the one that I had on my apartment door, but with no luck. :frown:
 
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