Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

 

[Bystander]

View attachment 344575

"Devine?"

 

[Borg]

"Devine?"

Wasn't me. Neither is this one.

 

[WWGD]

"Devine?"

And Degrapes in Devine.

 

[Borg]

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

...We're all prisoners of our own device.

"You can logout any time you like, but you can never leave"

 

[Ibix]

Could Chuck Norris throw a punch so powerful not even Chuck Norris could withstand it?

 

[topsquark]

Could Chuck Norris throw a punch so powerful not even Chuck Norris could withstand it?

Wait, I thought it was Forum policy not to talk about perpetual motion machines?

-Dan

 

[berkeman]

Wait, I thought it was Forum policy not to talk about perpetual motion machines?

It is extremely against PF policy to discuss Chuck Norris and PMMs. Because, well, you know.

 

[jack action]

NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.

They're calling it the Apollo G.

 

[DennisN]

I saw an ad for this model on Ebay, and I thought it was funny that people actually want models of bizarre things like disasters:

Source: here

For more realism one could do a hotted up version of with some radioactive material added and a geiger counter.

 

[Borg]

 

[berkeman]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[berkeman]

Thread was closed for cleanup and is now reopened. As a reminder to all, please avoid politics in the jokes or discussion. Thanks.

 

[Borg]

Back to our regularly scheduled lame jokes.

Barbie is in negotiations to do a sequel involving the Star Wars universe.

Spoiler: Enter at your own risk

 

[BillTre]

Back to our regularly scheduled lame jokes.

Barbie is in negotiations to do a sequel involving the Star Wars universe.

Spoiler: Enter at your own risk

View attachment 344715

She's out of this world!

 

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Arjan82]

At my work there was a special room that you could use either to relax in or for new mothers to express milk. The sign said in Dutch:
"kolf ruimte / rust ruimte"
('kolven' meaning 'to express milk', 'ruimte' means 'room' and 'rust' means 'rest', i.e. 'rust ruimte' is a room to rest/relax in)

But it also had a handy-dandy English translation below:
"lactation room / restroom"

 

[BillTre]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 344744

Ain't that right.
if you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 344774

The small once are near Minneapolis

 

[jtbell]

The small once are near Minneapolis

...the ones that Missisip, boys!

 

[WWGD]

...the ones that Missisip, boys!

They Missisip in Minneapolis, Minisoda.

 

[WWGD]

I can't remember the name of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but Quasimodo rings a bell.

 

[davenn]

Engineers joke!
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'

The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
He said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

 

[WWGD]

Afghanistan is between Iraq and a hard place.

 

[Borg]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler: To get to the concert!

 

[DennisN]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

We need more of those :

 

[jack action]