Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

View attachment 352008

They come in mixed flavors too!

 

[Orodruin]

They come in mixed flavors too!

Yes, these are only the interaction eigenstates. Propagation mixes them and creates new unholy superpositions.

 

[Borg]

Like vaccines causing climate change on the moon?

 

[davenn]

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"
The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"
The AirBus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."
The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.
Dedicated to all my senior friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.

 

[Mayhem]

When you're doing energy storage research and you read the 100th "The world is burning, here's our measly attempt at solving it" article of the day.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 352023

Not any more it ain't necessarily so no more....



Dear Moderators: This video is just a bit political, but probably not really objectionable vis a vis forum guidelines; please keep or delete at your discretion.

 

[jtbell]

Quoth the raven at the campfire, once upon a midnight dreary:

"Never s'mores."

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

How do you make a man appreciate art?
Put it on the middle of a golf course.

 

[Swamp Thing]

Spoiler

Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and saint, and heard great argument
About it and about: but evermore
Came out by the same door as in I went.
-- Omar Khayyam, The Rubaiyyat

Myself when young did eagerly check out
Grifter and troll, and heard great argument
About it and about: but evermore
Swiped away as sure as on I tapped.

 

[topsquark]

I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife!
(Anon)

-Dan

 

[Ibix]

I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife!
(Anon)

-Dan

Ogden Nash, I think.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

I asked a hard of hearing caddy for a Sand Wedge. He brought me a Turkey on Rye.

 

[Swamp Thing]

There is a YouTuber with a channel called CruisingTheCut, all about canal boating. The channel is nice in many ways, one of them being his thumbnail puns.

For example, I rather like this recent one:

"I went on a cruise to Norway on a GIGANTIC ship (P&O Iona, September 2024)"

 

[phinds]

I'm SO glad I'm married because I used to just smash into the backs of cars before I had someone to scream and gasp when a car a thousand feet ahead of me hit the brakes.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Mayhem]

I'm SO glad I'm married because I used to just smash into the backs of cars before I had someone to scream and gasp when a car a thousand feet ahead of me hit the brakes.

Smashing random trunks is indeed an endeavor reserved for the unmarried.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

The comedian on stage struggles for savoir fare. The guy who forgot his money struggles for Subway fare.

 

[jtbell]

"What do you get when you cross Frankenstein with the Invisible Man?"

"I don't know, but it can't be much to look at."

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DrGreg]

For sale: Second hand vacuum. No pressure.*

I'm getting rid of it because all it does is gather dust.

*That works for barometers, too.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 352216

The only way Microsoft could come up with something that doesn't suck is if they manufactured vaccuum cleaners.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

"I enjoy watching shows at the comedy club, but I don't like to eat dinner there."

"Why not?"

"The food tastes funny."

 

[nuuskur]

I have no idea why a dinosaur is used to represent a mathematician in this diagram. Are we becoming dinosaurs? *nervous laughter*