Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ibix]

I was cooking earlier, and my six year old (he's younger than this thread...) wanted me to help him find some toy or other. But the sauce was boiling and the pasta was boiling over so I told him he'd have to look for himself. He asked me why he should look for his own body.

I started to explain that I just meant he needed to do his own searching, but then I noticed the huge grin on his face. So I turned all the rings down to minimum and went and gave him a hug. His first lame joke! I'm so proud!

 

[dkotschessaa]

I was cooking earlier, and my six year old (he's younger than this thread...) wanted me to help him find some toy or other. But the sauce was boiling and the pasta was boiling over so I told him he'd have to look for himself. He asked me why he should look for his own body.

I started to explain that I just meant he needed to do his own searching, but then I noticed the huge grin on his face. So I turned all the rings down to minimum and went and gave him a hug. His first lame joke! I'm so proud!

That goes on the list of remembrances next to "first steps!"

 

[WWGD]

At the entrance of the vaccination office: "TB or not TB, that is the question".

 

[nuuskur]

At the entrance of the vaccination office: "TB or not TB, that is the question".

That is clever :D

 

[mfb]

And the answer is yes.

 

[Psinter]

 

[DaveC426913]

BWAWAAHH! That's not lame, that made me laugh out loud!

 

[nuuskur]

let that sink in :D :D

 

[cobalt124]

At the entrance of the vaccination office: "TB or not TB, that is the question".

Tubby, or not Tubby, fat is the question.

 

[dkotschessaa]

Most of the jokes on this thread are not truly lame.

A truly lame joke is one that simply comes to one at some dull moment, as when I was getting off an elevator last night. It is more of a joke that should not even be said.. But I'll say it anyway:

Q: What did Bach say in a previous life?
A: "I'll be Bach."

::takes a deep bow::

 

[mfb]

You carnot reduce entropy.Works better if you don't know the French pronunciation.

 

[jtbell]

Which door would you choose?

 

[MostlyHarmless]

What's purple and commutes?

An abelian grape.

 

[Rx7man]

Some of Beethoven's contemporaries were visiting his grave after his death when they heard some really strange music... they pondered this and tried to understand it, when one of them said "Oh, it's his 7th symphony played backward... he's decomposing!"

 

[Rx7man]

Some more groaners... and these are courtesy of my ex girlfriend's best friend, who really wasn't terribly bright... they aren't quite jokes, but they are sure groaners.

One day she was really thirsty... and she said she was 'perched'.
Another time she took a shower, and afterward she said she felt 'rejubilated'

 

[gjonesy]

Super bowl joke,

How do you choke a Carolina panther?

Feed him some bronco! Lol

 

[DrGreg]

Which door would you choose?

You can do the same joke with Hamlet's pencil.

 

[Ibix]

You can do the same joke with Hamlet's pencil.

B{2}|[^B]{2}

...for those that can read regexes.

 

[mfb]

But "AB" are not two B.
B{2}|.[^B]|[^B].
Or, shorter: ..

 

[Ibix]

But "AB" are not two B.

...is not two B? Ain't not two B? Be not two B?

B{2}|.[^B]|[^B].

I knew there was a better one than mine.

Or, shorter: ..

Heh.

 

[jtbell]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

Spoiler

One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

[DaveC426913]

Q: Two cats were crossing a river - one named 'One Two Three' and the other named 'Un Deux Trios'. Which one made it?

Spoiler: A:

A: 'One Two Three' - because the Un Deux Trois Cat Sank.

 

[DaveC426913]

Two wrongs don't make a Right but Three Rights Do Make a Left .

Even more succinct:

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

 

[DaveC426913]

That is so good, OCD and Paranoid made my day :D

Excuse me. It's actually CDO.
Same as OCD, just with the letters in the right order.
As. They. Should. Be.

 

[DrClaude]

Excuse me. It's actually CDO.
Same as OCD, just with the letters in the right order.
As. They. Should. Be.

Yeah, I never understood what the big fuss with novels is all about. I much prefer dictionaries, where the same words are in alphabetical order

 

[Ibix]

Yeah, I never understood what the big fuss with novels is all about. I much prefer dictionaries, where the same words are in alphabetical order

This is not a lame joke. This is science history. Hooke published his eponymous law this way at first, in Latin.

 

[gjonesy]

...is not two B? Ain't not two B? Be not two B?

Guess that's the question then huh?

Some would say, YEP

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die

 

[Psinter]

 

[Psinter]

You and I are like parallel lines.

Spoiler

We have so much in common, but we will never meet.

It's either lame or sad. I don't know.

 

[mfb]

Spoiler

Take the geometry of a sphere, then all lines meet :).

 

[DaveC426913]

Spoiler

Take the geometry of a sphere, then all lines meet :).

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You may learn something.

But the frog dies.

 

[fresh_42]

One for mathematicians.

Q: What's the difference between a crocodile?
A:

Spoiler

Between a crocodile and what?

Q:

Spoiler

Between a crocodile.

A:

Spoiler

I don't know.

Q:

Spoiler

The longer the bite!

Q:

Spoiler

And what's the difference between a hippo?

A:

Spoiler

The heavier the ? I don't know.

Q:

Spoiler

Well, you can't know. The hippo has no difference.

Q:

Spoiler

And what's the difference between a crocodile and a hippo?

A:

Spoiler

Tell!

Q:

Spoiler

Easy: the crocodile has a difference and the hippo has not.

 

[lisab]

Did you hear Donald Trump vowed to ban selling pre-shredded cheese if he becomes President?

Spoiler

He wants to make America grate again.

 

[Ibix]

Waiter! Waiter! My coffee tastes like mud!

Yes sir. It was only ground this morning...

 

[fresh_42]

Waiter! Waiter! I cannot eat this soup?

Why Sir? Isn't it hot enough? May I bring you another?

No, I have no spoon.