Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

Canned air, is it always fresh, or does it ever go stale.

I'm always fresh

 

[256bits]

I'm always fresh

Oh. don't tell me. The guy from the Irish Spring soap commercial under the waterfall!

 

[Logical Dog]

edit: the face is that of a mathematician and youtuber (NJ Wildeberger) who does not believe irrational numbers are practical or even exist. THoughh if it really came to this kind of situation, I believe he would go right. He always says math is weak, foundationaly inconsistent,etc..I am yet to believe him.

 

[Logical Dog]

My new year's resolution is that I won't make any new year's resolutions this year! ...
Ouooops! I just made one! ...

This statements truth value cannot be determined? You have broken my logic :-)

 

[mfb]

It can be. He made a new year's resolution, and it failed.

 

[Logical Dog]

It can be. He made a new year's resolution, and it failed.

hmmm yes

EDIT:something about the sentence disturbs me

 

[DrClaude]

This thread is for posting lame jokes. Everyone, please get back on topic.

 

[Logical Dog]

Where does a lizard go when it tail falls off?

The retail store. : - )

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autotomy

 

[Buckleymanor]

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat mate.

 

[jtbell]

How fitting... cows on the loose in DeKalb County, Georgia.

 

[fresh_42]

How fitting... cows on the loose in DeKalb County, Georgia.

Good they are pros there in DeKalb in De-Kalb-ification!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

In "micro-chat" (going on right now), micromass said (roughly):
"I am at -273°C, but ... hey! I'm '0K' ! ..."

When I asked for permission to quote the joke from the mutual discussion, julian answered: "Absolutely!" ...

 

[Ibix]

How fitting... cows on the loose in DeKalb County, Georgia.

From the Tweets reproduced on that page, I think DeKalb County PD would be right at home on this thread.

 

[Ibix]

What do you get if you cross an amoeba and a walkie talkie?

A cellphone.

 

[fresh_42]

Life begins in a cell.
With some, it ends in it as well.

 

[davenn]

 

[dkotschessaa]

There was a young man from Japan,
Whose limericks just wouldn't scan,
When he was asked why,
He said in reply,
"I'm not really sure but I think it might be because I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can".

 

[OCR]

just saw Noah parking his arc!

I think a substation switch issue caused that ... lol

 

[Logical Dog]

A friend asked me "Whats so special about today?"
I replied "nothing, just Donald Trump evicting ANOTHER family!"

 

[DrGreg]

There was a young man from Japan,
Whose limericks just wouldn't scan,
When he was asked why,
He said in reply,
"I'm not really sure but I think it might be because I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can".

I have to quote my favourite "anti-limerick" due to W S Gilbert:

There was an old man of St. Bees,
Who was stung in the arm by a wasp,

When asked, "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "No, it doesn't,​

I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet."​

And this mathematical limerick due to Leigh Mercer:

$(12 + 144 + 20$
$+ 3\sqrt{4} )$

$\div 7$
$+ 5 \times 11$​

$= 9^2 + 0$​

Spoiler

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven​

Is nine squared and not a bit more.​

 

[Stavros Kiri]

An Egyptian and a Greek:

E: Hey, great news from back home! After digging under the pyramids they discovered and found wires and cables, which means they had telephony back then!
[, so all civilization did in fact start from Egypt!]

G: Hey, that's nothing! No big deal. In Greece, while digging under Acropolis in the greek ruins, to construct the Athens "Metro" (US: subway, UK: underground), they discovered and found nothing! (no wires or cables etc.)

E: So!? So what?

G: It means they had mobile telephony back then! ...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

...

And this mathematical limerick due to Leigh Mercer:

$(12 + 144 + 20$
$+ 3\sqrt{4} )$

$\div 7$
$+ 5 \times 11$​

$= 9^2 + 0$​

brilliant ... hadn't heard that one before

Dave

 

[Ibix]

What is orange and hairy and comes back when you throw it?

A boomorang-utan.

 

[fresh_42]

What is orange and hairy and comes back when you throw it?

A boomorang-utan.

And I could have sworn you've meant the new ...
(I got to stop watching too much news ...)

 

[Ibix]

Continuing my theme, what's made of egg and sugar and comes back when you throw it?

A boomeringue.

What do you call a cow that comes back when you throw it?

A moomerang.

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a Donald Trump speech?

Tweeting from the mouth.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

A friend asked me "Whats so special about today?"
I replied "nothing, just Donald Trump evicting ANOTHER family!"

Looks like he also evicted a whole bunch of jokes out of this thread during his inauguration ! ...

 

[fresh_42]

Continuing my theme, ...

... how is @ZapperZ's new Photo Contest called?

Spoiler

A zoom-erang!

 

[Mark44]

Looks like he also evicted a whole bunch of jokes out of this thread during his inauguration ! ...

No, that was me. I didn't evict any actual jokes...

 

[Ibix]

No, that was me. I didn't evict any actual jokes...

What?! Was somebody trolling the lame jokes thread?

 

[Mark44]

What?! Was somebody trolling the lame jokes thread?

No, they were jokes that didn't make it even to the level of "lame jokes."

 

[Stavros Kiri]

No, they were jokes that didn't make it even to the level of "lame jokes."

Let the public decide

 

[jtbell]

Why did the Cookie Monster visit the doctor?

He felt crumby.

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: The Swiss Cheese Paradox

Swiss cheese has holes.
More cheese means more holes.
More holes means less cheese.
Ergo: More cheese is less cheese.