Collection of Science Jokes P2

[jack action]

Tooltip text: It says to cut the onions into 1/4" slices, but I'd better correct for length contraction.​

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 325475
Tooltip text: It says to cut the onions into 1/4" slices, but I'd better correct for length contraction.​

PERFECT! I mean hilarious. But the tooltip makes it perfect.

 

[Klystron]

The Director of the largest most prestigious international research institute invites senior staff to discuss a pressing problem with translating and publishing STEM articles and papers. Common expressions among members in one language group do not translate properly into other languages, often due to cultural differences or the convoluted nature of puns. The Director institutes new policy.

Director: "Henceforth, arbitrary colloquial expressions, attempts at levity, literary allusions and culturally specific embellishments will be deleted from publications before translation and review."

Staffer: "Director. Does this rule exclude similes and metaphors?"

Director: "Yes. Similes, metaphors, the whole nine yards!".

 

[Swamp Thing]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

From Facebook today:

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[gmax137]

I worked with an older guy who always called it "Ava Gardner's number"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ava_Gardner

 

[fresh_42]

 

[statdad]

lawyer, an accountant and a physicist are discussing, over a beer, whether life is better with a wife or with a girlfriend.
“A wife is better,” declares the lawyer, “because of the family support and the help she’ll be to your career.”
“Nonsense,” says the accountant. “A girlfriend is better: you can keep your independence and go out with your friends more.”
They turn to the physicist, who says, “It’s better to have both. That way, the wife thinks you’re with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you’re with the wife, and meanwhile you can be down at the lab!”

 

[statdad]

Alice and Bob, coworkers in the University of Chicago physics department, were carrying on an affair. Due to their schedules their meetups were few and far between, in out of the way places, and so they tended to "make the most" of those times.

One Friday night they met at a bar near campus. They sat in a booth in the worst-lit corner of the bar. Since it had been over a month since they'd been together, and so after a few drinks, hugs turned to kisses, then kisses turned to fondling, and things progressed to things more and more intimate. I won't include all of their developments here -- this isn't the place for that sort of explicit language -- but suffice to say that after a brief period of time they were engaged in two incompatible sexual acts simultaneously.

The bartender was completely confused. He happened to know that one of the regulars in the bar that night was a researcher in the physics department, so he asked the scientist what Alice and Bob were doing.

"Well", replied the scientist, “it’s what we call a super position.”

​

 

[jack action]

Did you know a liter of water weighs more than a liter of butane? It's because butane is a lighter fluid.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[statdad]

It's a known fact that 100 pounds of feathers weighs more than 100 pounds of lead.

It's because when you carry the feathers you also carry the memory of what you did to all those birds.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Borg]

So, fixing a disc error would be back surgery?

 

[Baluncore]

So, fixing a disc error would be back surgery?

I avoid disc compression, it is a pain.

 

[fresh_42]

So, fixing a disc error would be back surgery?

Or simply a sudden break. Did you know that the time you have between "I have to pee" and a stop is directly proportional to the age of the youngest child?

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

I made an emoji for the super-position of approval and disapproval:

 

[jack action]

Why Iron Man and not Fe-Male?

 

[Ibix]

Why Iron Man and not Fe-Male?

Sounds like a basis for a Shania Twain cover of AC/DC.

 

[jack action]

I see normal distribution everywhere:

 

[gmax137]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

​

Entanglement has its advantages!​

 

[jack action]

 

[berkeman]

From Facebook: