Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[Lapin Dormant]

What technical difficulties would arise, when fighting a war with plants?

Well certainly tracking them would be of great difficulty as finding those little sods in the soil would be exceedingly trivial, and then when you get one to them treed, what a disaster that works out to be, chase them up the tree and the slide themselves out to the end of a Branch, bounce down off the ground, bounding back off into the woods again, and your still in the tree, after having swigged a good one to brace yourself for the chase, the little root tips hardly leave any tracks so that method of chasing them seems superfluous to the Max head room available, yet when finding the blighters on radar, they are trackable that way when the Collar traps work properly, then they can seemingly be caught, but the cost of petrol in chasing them to the limits of there known ranges exceeds the Prolific nature of the traveling they seem to be capable of, always unseen naturally, that too presents a Great and enormous stageringly notorious problem.

What is the Problem?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is the Problem?

It is that we now only see as through a weird, purple jellyfish darkly.

Recently when I was enjoying some strongly caffeinated beverage or another at my favorite parisian haunt Le Café du Lapin Dormant I happened to notice the headline on a newspaper being read by a man at another table. It said, in bold letters: Cy'trewv Blisbi Sxe'rwe'l Sz'Ilisi.

Realizing I had come down with a case of 24 hour receptive aphasia, I quickly hailed the garçon (en anglais: boy) and asked: "What was the comparative foot size of Neandertal Man (in Latin: homo neandertalensis) to that of modern man (in latin:homo sapiens sapiens)? He scratched hs head, thinking, and replied "Gu'operti blishki splentory, il'tki few'asw plentronial qewrass'nb."

What do you suppose I gleaned from that?

 

[JamesU]

Wha que l'enfer a fait vous dit juste ?

 

[madcat11]

Wha que l'enfer a fait vous dit juste ?

Puisque je n'aime pas les méduses pourpres - un peu...


Is there a reason why most trees lean into us when we walk under their branches - I mean, are they curious or what?

 

[EnumaElish]

Is there a reason why most trees lean into us when we walk under their branches - I mean, are they curious or what?

They aren't the trees themselves but http://katie-and-rob.org/wordpress/archives/2003/08/19/mononoke-hime-princess-mononoke .]

Is there an identical number of stupid questions and equally stupid answers?

 

[Huckleberry]

Is there an identical number of stupid questions and equally stupid answers?

Stupid quetions con not be quantified as a real number. Theoretically there should always be one more stupid quetion than stupid answer as one follows the other in a series of rational events. In practice, however, at the quantum level everything becomes foamy and after too much beer people forget the rules. As a result it is impossible to simultaneously know both the velocity and direction of this thread. In conclusion, there can be any ratio of stupid quetions to their equally stupid answer sister counterparts at any given time. If you try to count them all you will come up with a real number, but the number will have changed by the time you finish your beer.

How many beers does it take for a stupid quetion to make sense?

 

[matthyaouw]

That one made perfect sense to me, so three works well. I don't want to make too much of an assumption about this without more controlled testing, so I'll report back tomorrow night after four, the next night after 5, etc etc until we know without a shadow of a doubt:
a- what the perfect number of beers for playing this game is.
b- what I post like when drunk.

Beer may make these questions easier to understand, but is the ability to answer them and make new questions enhanced or inhibited by the presence of alcohol?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Beer may make these questions easier to understand, but is the ability to answer them and make new questions enhanced or inhibited by the presence of alcohol?

I frequently anser and ask stupid quetions with a bottle of isopropyl alcohol on the shelf here in the room with me. It is kind of a scary bottle, and I do find its presence intimidating. So, personally, I think the presence of alcohol inhibits the ability to post in this thread, yes.

On the subject of alcohol: recently when I took a swig of Mousewash and began to gargle with it, I noticed to my horror the label actually said Moosewash.

How did that get here?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Ou Ca?

How did that get here?

Musta been that sewer Pipe you had been in, seems that when you Finally got to the end of it, you were afforded a *free bath* AND Complimentary Use of the Natives' Toiletries, Hey, LUCKY YOU!



What do you do if the answer to the question that you seek responce to, is not the Question that is answered by the answer to the question excepting, of course, Quetions, ergo the sum of the tales end would appear to have turned rather towards a Tortoise Quest-i-on that must have happened while I was dis-Embarking the Turtles Back from my latest napping event, having held out the cup I snagged from his tail, The cup being fillied, signalling him, the Turtle, that if was time to do, whatever it is that he does at these moments, think, I think, seen him drooling once, suspect he was dreaming of the Most revered Turtle Treat, the Fabled Blue Ball, but he seems a nice enough fellow, when he isn't threatened, then he either hides or, once I watched him trying to scratch his own Tail, that was funny, him looking into his shell as if thinking 'Maybe I can Reach it through here' and the manner of His attempts at Chewing at the root, his head all skewed towards his target, his rear end, you've heard of what is at the rear end of a Turtle, same that that is at your rear end, then, the little begger, once he had smelled that the water was that close, he went for it, I'd seen him charge his short shot charge, he's might quick at that one, but that water made him go in a manner that I had never seen before, almost reminicent of that day we went out tree hunting, oh yes, I was napping, wasn't I?


But what does any Rabbit really know?

A Coté:
Le Cafe Du Lapin Dormant et il Proche? ou 'dans le Milieu' Du le Gite Rose?

O.K. Which one's the quetion?

 

[madcat11]

Is there an identical number of stupid questions and equally stupid answers?

no, only stupid quetions ('don't know where the ansers are...)

Does marsupial have to do with sucking anything...?

 

[EnumaElish]

Does marsupial have to do with sucking anything...?

Marsupials are born suckers, hence the term "Born sucker." [P.S. Hollywood trivia: Natural Born Suckers was the working title of Tarantino's Kill Bill. NOT!]

What rank does this question get in the International Scientific Standards' ranking of stupid questions?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Red well

What rank does this question get in the International Scientific Standards' ranking of stupid questions?

According to the System International this one:

il faire sucer le jus d'un souffle!

Now that it is established that some readers cannot read, please tell us all how can a reader who cannot read, read this question?

 

[Townsend]

Now that it is established that some readers cannot read, please tell us all how can a reader who cannot read, read this question?

They get it on audio tape of course...

Since not everything is computable how do we know for sure that anything is in fact computable?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Since not everything is computable how do we know for sure that anything is in fact computable?

Sworn affidavits from computers.

Last night while persusing my copy of William Shakespeare's Hamlet word by word, with a magnifying glass, I realized that in Act 4, Scene 4, Hamlet uses the word "Polack" in referring to a Polish person. This alarmed me and caused me to realize that everyone up to now has been misinterpreting the play as a drama, when in fact it is an elaborate ethnic joke, and should be reclassified among the Bard's comedies. Hamlet's unaccounted for familiarity with stagecraft and acting can now been seen as coming from a background in stand-up comedy, and the "dumb show" preceeding the murder play-within-a-play, is, really, a spoof of the Polish theater of Shakespeare's day, or it may be a commercial for Spanish Olives, depending on whether or not Claudius is paying attention. It doesn't say in the script if he is paying attention or not. Nor does it mention if he is picking his nose. He might be though. He also might be thinking about Spanish Olives. He might be thinking about Polacks. It's probably Olives since he leaves suddenly. This almost always means someone has had an attack of diarreha, which would indicate olives.

I think I'll write an essay about my new insight and post it on the web. Think anyone'll buy it?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Who, woke me up?

I think I'll write an essay about my new insight and post it on the web. Think anyone'll buy it?

Yes, but only for Negative dollars, Lots and Lots of Negative Dollars.

Just Think/Dream about it you'll be rich! You Will Be a Minus Millionare! Just Think/Dream about it! (Envision it)


After the turtle has done his thing, we'll tell you about some of his adventures, the Story of the Legendary Blue Ball, and how he came about knowing this tale.

(Hears descreet sounds of turtle doing his thing)

OK so, It was long ago, prior to our having met, and our ensuing partnership, pals, Friends of the very first Order, Defend each other to the Death of either of us, ourselves, that he had been adventuring around some Island, had strode out onto a Beech, only to come 'face to dragonball' with the opportunity of Getting one, so He Bit the Dragons Head off first, then as the thing attached to the dragon whelped in agony he bit down as hard as he could to liberate the Ball from it's nesting sac, It was afterwards, after his very first, completely by cirumstantial event that he Had found and chanced eating something that he had not even heard of as edible, that he was advised that if he followed the proper current he could find an answer, so he pursued those waters, smelling for the aroma he had been told existed, found it and found the Smoking one, indulged in it, by said smoker he had the Most exqusite taste sensation he had ever known, apparently the One who Smoked had arranged for, not one, but two balls, and had stuffed them into the Dragons body serving them in a fashion unknown to the turtle Prior to this, Hot and the dragons body had somehow transformed form a rubbery thing into a Delightfull fanciful treat that nibbled at his taste buds to his ecstatic Crunchy delight, and the manner of Rollingthose balls around in his mouth, sucking the juices out of them, one by one, nibbling occasionally as to release even more Juice, you could tell from his telling of it that he had enjoyed himself in a manner in-describably by words, he had called it dining Goumand, after as he had he listened to the others telling of the fable, and he too knew it was true, as he too could feel the Lusting in himself for the taste of what the Fable had described, how a young turtle, lost had stummbled up onto a Beech, snuggling slightly under a thing of a Flat Funny Nature, there he found, completely to his suprise, Balls, and two of them, the Dragon seemed somehow incapacitated, like he couldn't bend, but the balls where there for the taking, his daddy had told him of the Balls availablity, "Take it right away, if you ever see em" he had told him, as he had had friends who had known of the taste treats that they really-really were, so the Young one siezed upon his opportunity and Siezed Mightly His Two Balls, afterwards he realizing that they had seemed off in color and that that had changed the taste, it was Incredulous, the flavor so satified him that he was almost caught by the thing attached to the Dragon as it seemed to be convulsing in writhing agony though he didn't wait around to find out why, he simply walked off with his Prize Taste treat in his mouth, only years later did he have another chance at another Ball, he had gotten that one too so that was how the story is told that he found out just what the Non Blue ones tasted like, such that only then did he realize just how fortunate he had been in being seemingly the Only one who knew, to have ever had a Blue'ee, or so the Legend tells, as it seems no one else has ever succeeded in getting another one of those Blue'ee as the turtles call them, but I digress

Where did the Turtle, Go?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Where did the Turtle, Go?

Don't think about it. Lean over, put your head between your knees and try to get some blood back into those frontal lobes.

Once, back in the 1920's, during my college days, the guys and I used to amuse ourselves with an activity we called "squirrel snubbing". This entailed standing beneath the large oak trees growing hither and thither around the expansive campus and deliberately ignoring the chattering of the squirrels whose territory we were encroaching upon. It drove them nuts, and we got a hearty laugh out of it.

What were we thinking?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How am I going to die?

You will live into the era of warp drive, and turn out to me one of the unfamiliar, irregular members of an away team.

Once, when I was performing Hamlet, the gravedigger handed me a skull and, before I could launch into my line, I noticed that the skull had a fused atlas vertebrae. It occurred to me then, that Hamlet is really a play about buried guilt, and all the scholars up to this point have been way off the mark. I'm thinking of writing an essay called "Was Yorick suffering from Arthritis, and Did Giving Young Hamlet Piggyback Rides Kill him?" and posting it on the web. I aim to show that the real reason for Hamlet's melancholy is guilt over having driven the court jester to an early grave by exacerbating his skeleto-muscular pathology, through insistance on being carried on the jester's back around the Castle, and how in "acting out" his guilt he kills just about everyone else in the play.

When can I expect my check?

 

[Smurf]

Okay now I'm POSITIVE that I posted a bunch of vulgarities earlier and begged someone to lock this thread. Why is that post gone? You deleted it didn't you!

**** **** **** (just testing the censor)

 

[hypatia]

Hamlet's Assimilation of the Atlas never made it to the stage, Actors’ Equity Association{go figure}, carded the entire group. When asked about your check, and I quote...when Hell freezes over.


Why do we wait so long for spring to arrive, yet fall arrives overnight?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do we wait so long for spring to arrive, yet fall arrives overnight?

It only seems this way because you're not a pumpkin. Or a grape.

Are you?

 

[hypatia]

Well, being born on Halloween, there is the possibility, that I am a pumpkin.


Why does my Hello Kitty pencle refuse to sharpen to a point?

 

[EnumaElish]

Why does my Hello Kitty pencle refuse to sharpen to a point?

I was going to attempt an answer but then decided it was pointless. Unless hypatia's kitty is black, and hypatia wears a pointy hat, in which case there is a point.

Three witches watch three watches. Which witch watches which watch?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Pureé

Three witches watch three watches. Which witch watches which watch?

Which # 3 has the time to tell you which witch is watching which watch, but a time must pass before any of the three witches can wind their respective watches, so watch for which winds theirs first, they will be the last watch winding witch.


So after the turtle came back, he went to the Site of the Depressed Lineage, stalking one of the lines there to find the water, but to his surprise he found those funny looking things, that seem, now-a-days, to be everywhere, digging into the bottom, lots of noises too he had said, and NO water, so he ventured off again, bringing me first my refill of Café then turning towards the outer perimeter of the Site of the Depressed Lineage, voyaging out of that spot towards the rivers edge as to engage in his favorite activity, but he knew I wasn't along for the ride this time so he also knew that he wouldn't be able to indulge himself without me, I saw him go off, but now we go back to the Story.

This Polish Aviator, Drunker then anything I, anyone, have ever seen, Staggered failing into the Café, the other day, orders something, no one really knows just quite what he said, sounded like it was in Sheakespears English though, so we waited upon the Rotter, He Stank, He REEKED, just like a decomposing rotten Purple Jellyfish, so we decided to have sport with him and began telling him The Tall Tails of Turtledom, him sliding down from his seat onto the ground below, spilling several bottle of Mouthwash and acetone onto the Tortoise shell flooring, Livid with distress, I arose to Poke my head out of the Sewer, only to find that it had all been somewheres else, so he left.

If you mix enough items together, does it blender?

 

[Rabid]

If by blender you mean assimilate all matter and energy in the universe and cease its existence, then yes.

I have the rotting corpse of a 900 lb gorilla in my basement. What's the best way to dispose of it?

 

[EnumaElish]

I have the rotting corpse of a 900 lb gorilla in my basement. What's the best way to dispose of it?

The way your rotting uncle would have wanted it. Look for a written will and/or contact his lawyer.

Why are and :zzz: called smilies?

P.S. They are not smiling, are they?

 

[Townsend]

Why are and :zzz: called smilies?

Because smilies is the plural of smiley and you have more than one smiley so you call them smilies.

What is the point to life?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is the point to life?

The point to life is an acute angle of 35 minutes, 14 seconds, located in a cave in antarctica. It was scratched on the cave wall there about 4,000,000 years ago by visitors from one of the moons of a gas giant in another solar system who arrived here by accidently tripping a time-space fold while trying to star 69 an unlisted number. I can't tell you what it means, just that it's very pointy.

Once when I was onstage conducting an exceptionally boring program of mediocre symphonic works by such second class composers as Fidel Von Stippel, Reginald Thistlestop, and Gershon Globmeyer, I came to a passage whose dynamic was given as: impecunious. I was suddenly unsure what this word meant, and apparently, sinultaneously suffered a migrainous attack of micropsia, because the whole score suddenly shrank to the size of a postage stamp, becoming illegible. The orchestra, itself, receeded in my visual field, and was seen as if from an airplane, as a bunch of ants in tuxedos with miniature instruments. A disembodied voice spoke into my left ear, telling me to stick with it, he's would get the plane safely down.

When the plane finally landed I saw I was in a remote amazonian village, having just touched down on a dirt runway in a rickety two-seater. It seemed to me I must be up to no good, probably on a drug smugling mission, but I could just as well have been some sort of anthropologist for all I knew. Somehow, though, I became preoccupied with whether or not I had spelled "smugling" correctly, and was distracted from the dictionary in which I was attempting to look it up by a woman announcing that the library would be closing in ten minutes.

Irritated, I slammed the dictionary shut loudly, inadvertantly startling all the members of the orchestra, quite a few of whom lost their place in the score.

Strangly enough, President Lincoln ask to see me personaly after the performance, and, shaking my hand warmly, assured me it was the best performance of Whistlstop's 3rd oboe concerto he'd ever heard. Not having the courage to tell him it was Whistlestop's 1st oboe concerto he'd just heard, I let go my bladder instead. Diplomatic as ever, he pretended not to notice and returned to his wife.

What's your favorite personal memory of President Lincoln?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

**YAWN** gets up off of the turtles Back, grabs the Java, Sucks one down and gets another tipped by turtle, STTTTTTTTTTTTTTTretchs Ahem** (Ach-TooooEE) Pardoné Moi...

What's your favorite personal memory of President Lincoln?

It would have to be that time he was shooting at me, I was running for the life of me, that was when I met Turtle, all because Lincoln wasn't a Good shot that day, saved my life that man did.

Turtle has left, gone off to the Caspian Sea apparently because there was a Huge free Lunch call, something about some Jellyfish, but that isn't why that trombonist had that tuba shoved into the Diametric Position, it was because of the droppings that were stirred into the café that the whole event took place, in the last place finishing first, so who won?

 

[zoobyshoe]

so who won?

Pyrrhus


In May of this year Freedom For The World 3 slammed into a reef at full speed somewhere to the west of the Florida Keys. All hands went into the water. Day 1.

Day 2. About two miles North an exceptionally large herd of weird, purple jellyfish, 1100 in all, was lazily enjoying the relatively warm, clear water, floating aimlessly without hurry, wherever the current might take them, oblivious to the unfamiliar roundish shapes that keep breaking the surface in the far distance. Shapes that are getting somewhat closer.

Day 3. A sleepy weird, purple jellyfish toward the edge of the group is suddenly startled when he is nudged by some large, unfamiliar thing. Looking over, he is horrified to see a human face, not 10 inches away, staring hungrily at him, it's teeth bared. Before he can scream, two horrible hands grab him by the bell and bring him toward the gaping maw of the ravenous human. 15 others disappear that day as well.

Day 4. Dawn breaks and the jellyfish are now very much on edge, staring nervously at the human heads sticking up out of the waves, ever looking in their direction.

What do you suppose happened next?

 

[Rabid]

Pyrrhus


In May of this year Freedom For The World 3 slammed into a reef at full speed somewhere to the west of the Florida Keys. All hands went into the water. Day 1.

Day 2. About two miles North an exceptionally large herd of weird, purple jellyfish, 1100 in all, was lazily enjoying the relatively warm, clear water, floating aimlessly without hurry, wherever the current might take them, oblivious to the unfamiliar roundish shapes that keep breaking the surface in the far distance. Shapes that are getting somewhat closer.

Day 3. A sleepy weird, purple jellyfish toward the edge of the group is suddenly startled when he is nudged by some large, unfamiliar thing. Looking over, he is horrified to see a human face, not 10 inches away, staring hungrily at him, it's teeth bared. Before he can scream, two horrible hands grab him by the bell and bring him toward the gaping maw of the ravenous human. 15 others disappear that day as well.

Day 4. Dawn breaks and the jellyfish are now very much on edge, staring nervously at the human heads sticking up out of the waves, ever looking in their direction.

What do you suppose happened next?

A flock of seagulls swooped down and began pecking the humans eyes out. They feasted for several minutes and didn't leave a single eyeball in its socket. Having finished their early morning breakfeast they flew towards the Bahamas where they would circle cruise ships and defecate on unsuspecting passengers.

Then what happened?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Then what happened?

I am afraid that the subject of cruiseships is taboo in this thread due to the discovery last year by an unwitting poster that talking about them tends to attract them. Scores of people are still at work cleaning up the debris of the one that fell on his Minnesota ranch style home on the shore of Lake Harriet in Minneapolis.

After pulling a large piece of drywall from a partition in his home during a recent remodeling, Mr. Barry L. Dimattio of Hoover's Woods, Indiana, USA discovered the remains of King Ottiput, Egyptian Pharoah, proped up inside the wall. The mummy seemed very well preserved for being 3500 years old, but there's nothing special about that: it's a mummy. What was unusual is that when unwrapping this surprising find Dimattio discovered a crayon drawing tucked in the wrappings that depicted his home in 1876 when it was first built, and when it served as a carriage house as part of a larger estate. The drawing was signed "Billy age 10" and was folded twice. Inside the mummy's ribcage Dimattio found nest of mice. (That is: the nest was in the chest.) Inside the mummy's scull Dimattio found a first folio of Hamlet, and three very sharp #2 pencils. Next to Ottiput, inside the wall, was a common rubber toilet plunger.

Now, if you're any kind of detective at all, you will immediately recognise that all these clues add up to a firm and final solution to the millenia-old mystery about whether or not Ottiput was murdered or died of natural causes. Therefore I ask: could I interest you in one of our gift certificates?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

Now, if you're any kind of detective at all, you will immediately recognise that all these clues add up to a firm and final solution to the millenia-old mystery about whether or not Ottiput was murdered or died of natural causes. Therefore I ask: could I interest you in one of our gift certificates?

LD
Pardoneé Ma Français SVP

Yes, I would Love :!) one of your gift Certificates so long as it affords me More Rabbit Food, maybe some turtle food too cause turtle will be back, sooner or later, and that packed lunch that he is bringing back with him is Jellyfish so they do seem to spoil kinda quickly.

So, Send it where?

 

[hypatia]

Send it to Moonbear, she likes getting things in the mail!

Speaking of mail, why does it take 7 days for my parents to get my letters?

 

[matthyaouw]

Send it to Moonbear, she likes getting things in the mail!

Speaking of mail, why does it take 7 days for my parents to get my letters?

The FBI must be screening your mail. It's the only possible answer.

What has hypatia done to arouse the FBI's suspicions?

 

[Lapin Dormant]

What has hypatia done to arouse the FBI's suspicions?

Same as the rest of us, Post in these Stupid Quetion Forums.

Why Would ANYONE (FBI-CIA-NSA-MI5-Pentagon-CSIS) care if we Posted Stupid stenganographic Quetions in these Forums?