Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

What does this drawing mean?

Those are the illustrated instructions that Mr. Robin Parsons left me for finding the T.o.E. in the event anything should happen to him. I've been too embarrassed to carry the instructions out because they involve a strange dance in which you must flap your arms like a bird, as depicted in the central figure, and you must also apply facial makeup to resemble a cast member of "Cats" as illustrated in the step by step drawings at the bottom. I don't feel knowing the T.o.E. merits this sort of trouble.

Recently when I was in the large NBC building in N.Y., there to be interviewed in conjunction with my new book A Zoobie's Eye View of the Current Politico-Botanical Crisis in Rural Droolomenia, I happened to stumble into the wrong studio and found myself being interviewed instead on the subject of the current dangerous fad of self-immunization. Apparently today's troubled youth has discovered the thrills of injecting themselves with any kind of killed virus they can lay their hands on and innoculations against small pox, large pox, medium pox, one pox, two pox, red pox, blue pox, and so forth, are selling for as much as $5 an injection on inner city street corners, at raves, and even on schoolyards.

I held forth on this subject, about which I knew nothing, for 10 minutes by telling a string of invented stories about kids who'd been arrested in the act of self immunization behind dumpsters, in alleys, in old quarrys, and with each story I ascribed younger and younger ages to the miscreants, for dramatic effect, untill, when I was about to relate the sad tale of a five year old girl rushed to the ER after she accidently hit an artery while trying to innoculate herself against the flu, I was interrupted by the host who announced it was time to field quetions from the audience.

I pointed to a young, deranged looking man in the front row who was waving his hand at me like an oriental fan. "Yes?'" I said.

"Well", he said, "What would think my response would be...when looking at the name of this thread?"

Just then, the real assistant director of the CDC stumbled into the studio, pointed accusingly at me and shouted "That is an IMPOSTER!"

Rising majestically from my chair to my full height of eight feet, I raised my long arm, pointed back at him and declared, accusingly, "That man is RIGHT!"

Hypnotized by the tone of my voice, two burly studio security guards jumped on the assistant director of the CDC, wrestled him to the floor and handcuffed him, while I slipped out a side door and took the elevator down to the commssary.

What's the special today?

 

[DaxInvader]

(LOL!)

I heard that the special at the cafateria was they made a very good fight pie..And for dessert.. a teeth soup. Speaking of specials.. One day, I was lost in the woods. For hour and hours a walked upon branches and dead trees wandering when i'll find where I was.. After 2 days without eating, I finally found a road leading to nowhere.. I followed that small road and found a little snack bar along the way.. I rushed in. As I sat down quietly, the waitress came up to me and said:

- What will it be?
- Anything!.. Give me the special!
- Okay i'll bring our today's soup.

As I waited hoping that my stomic(I hope its "stomic" lol is that it?) wouldn't make loud noises, I saw a man behind his journal with a big warm tomato's soup. After 20 minutes of waiting.. I couldn't resist. I walked silently to him.. and took his soup without him noticing.

"When my soup will arrive.. I'll give it to him." I said to me.

I ate that soup in a second.. A new world record.. I was finally eating something in 2 days.. I finished my soup and starting wandering how i could explain myself to the man (Still behind his journal) but its just then that I realized that there was a strange Alien descusting thing inside my bowl.. It was something horrifing.. Hairy.. Moving...I was soo discusted that i vomited my hole soup inside the bowl.

Just then.. The man dropped his journal.. Nodded to me and said:

- Oh! You saw it too?

And now there are supposed to put some commercials over here..

Some days later I found myself in that NBC building near N.Y. ...

Why do we choose th letter "X" when we speak of variables?

 

[Neohaven]

(I hope its "stomic" lol is that it?)

As the rules of the thread say ONE question PER person, PER post... I feel obliged to tell you that it might be it, since no one cares.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Why are we limited to only one question?

 

[metaquantum]

the correct spelling of a humans middle part (where all the food and the squishy looking things are stored) is "stomach"

and i don't think it was ment to be a question like in the "quetion" meaning

Why do we choose th letter "X" when we speak of variables?

cuz it looks so cool! you know with the pointy ends and all.. there's even four of them! woah

Why are we limited to only one question?

cuz youre all lazy asses

wohoo! i answered 2 quetions

i think that should give me the right to ask an extra question.. but then again, I am too lazy to ask

but

whats the difference between george bush, and a monkey?
(and this better be good, because i got three of em already)

 

[DaxInvader]

Well A monkey can learn things..

Like skate boarding! For the rest, they are the same.

I DO CARE ABOUT MY STOMIC! or stomach.. for the littles brains called metaquamtum... I'm not pointing at anyone!

I'm I?

Neohaven..(Except the fact that you are a very good story braker..) I MUST ask... Since I know you at school... I feel that this is the appropriate way to ask you..

Do you have facial hair?

Last time I asked.. You told me.. 42...

 

[Neohaven]

Well A monkey can learn things..

Like skate boarding! For the rest, they are the same.

I DO CARE ABOUT MY STOMIC! or stomach.. for the littles brains called metaquamtum... I'm not pointing at anyone!

I'm I?

Neohaven..(Except the fact that you are a very good story braker..) I MUST ask... Since I know you at school... I feel that this is the appropriate way to ask you..

Do you have facial hair?

Last time I asked.. You told me.. 42...

No I don't. Like I cared. No one in my family has lots of facial hair. Just means I won't have to bother cutting/shaving a beard everyday.

No flames is also part of the rules of this board, right?

 

[Math Is Hard]

No flames is also part of the rules of this board, right?

Open flames are forbidden when flammable facial fringe is visible in the forums. This practice stems from the Montana laws against maliciously mustaching mischievious Montanese minors.

Last Saturday at the strip mall, just before I was arrested for undressing, a moostachioed man in a turban approached me with two eager fists outstretched. He said, "lady, lucky lady, choose the one that reveals your fortune". I picked the left hand and he said "no, no you did it wrong, try it again." I picked the right hand and he said "no, no. you're stilll not getting it." Which one was I supposed to pick?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Last Saturday at the strip mall, just before I was arrested for undressing, a moostachioed man in a turban approached me with two eager fists outstretched. He said, "lady, lucky lady, choose the one that reveals your fortune". I picked the left hand and he said "no, no you did it wrong, try it again." I picked the right hand and he said "no, no. you're stilll not getting it." Which one was I supposed to pick?

Clearly you picked the correct one both times. It was your method of choosing that was wrong.

Once when I was perusing the 30 million profiles posted at myzoobiebrushshelter.com, that ever so addictive website where zoobies can post pictures of themselves in front of the Eiffel Brush Shelter, or mugging in front of their phone camera, I came across the odd profile of a lonely little jellyfish who had no friends but the generic friend they issue everyone when you join. She was blue, an Aries, 39, and not very talkative. She had not papered her mybrushshelter profile with a mass of provocative quotes from rock songs or posted pics of herself in jellygoth makeup and skimpy clothing, or announced she wanted to have lesbian sex with Angelina Jolie despite the fact she was mostly straight, and all that de rigeur mybrushshelter stuff, so it was no wonder she was all alone. I invited her to be my friend.

I'm wondering, though, if I didn't make a risky error. What if it turns out she's not a jellyfish at all but a fiendishly cheerful platinum blonde with an anatomically impossible figure who'd rather shop than tackle a nice quadratic equation?

 

[Mattara]

Clearly you picked the correct one both times. It was your method of choosing that was wrong.

Once when I was perusing the 30 million profiles posted at myzoobiebrushshelter.com, that ever so addictive website where zoobies can post pictures of themselves in front of the Eiffel Brush Shelter, or mugging in front of their phone camera, I came across the odd profile of a lonely little jellyfish who had no friends but the generic friend they issue everyone when you join. She was blue, an Aries, 39, and not very talkative. She had not papered her mybrushshelter profile with a mass of provocative quotes from rock songs or posted pics of herself in jellygoth makeup and skimpy clothing, or announced she wanted to have lesbian sex with Angelina Jolie despite the fact she was mostly straight, and all that de rigeur mybrushshelter stuff, so it was no wonder she was all alone. I invited her to be my friend.

I'm wondering, though, if I didn't make a risky error. What if it turns out she's not a jellyfish at all but a fiendishly cheerful platinum blonde with an anatomically impossible figure who'd rather shop than tackle a nice quadratic equation?

In fact, there are a number of socioeconomic factors and relationships to take into account when dealing with shops and stores and purchasing items from them. Leading market strategists say that their current business models of the above act does coincide with previously theorized speculations and events of the modern day haute couture and its counterpart in other areas of said problem.

Which other words is highly professional, yet also have a perverted egde to them?

 

[Leopold Infeld]

/I don't know.

Why do I don't know?

 

[MadScientist 1000]

/I don't know.

Why do I don't know?

You don't know because I don't know that you don't know that I don't know that you don't know that I don't know that I don't know.

Why must I not stop breathing?

 

[The_Thinker]

Cause your breathing won't stop you...

Why do mosquitoes bite people even though most of them that do.. die...

 

[Neohaven]

Cause your breathing won't stop you...

Why do mosquitoes bite people even though most of them that do.. die...

I think a moth bit you.

Again, why do people answer 42 to some/all questions?

 

[mathwonk]

question: why do the dumbest threads live the longest?

 

[Mattara]

Unification of GR and QM

question: why do the dumbest threads live the longest?

To explore this question, we need to take a look to the past. It has been a long an difficult path to unify GR and QM that has taken several years and several computers and notebooks to reach where I am today.

As you all know, GR or general revenue is money received by the state which can be used for any purpose. Examples of general revenue include receipts from the state income tax and general business taxes etc. QM or quartermaster on the other hand, in the United States Army, is a soldier or unit which specializes in supplying and provisioning troops in the field.

It has been long since forgotten that these two entities could bew combined without getting ridiculously implausible infinite probabilities. Further difficulty has laid in the concept of strings. CBS 60 Minutes had recently covered a story on political earmarks and found that having strings attached was one of the worst political hidden scandals they could find.

What has now been proven is that GR and QM can be unified in a satisfactory way with the aid of such technologic advances.

Should we blindly trust such unbridled ragamuffins? For brevity, I won't comment further on that, but rather on the way that dumbest threads wants to marginalize me based on my gender, race, or religion. It gets better: It actually believes that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly. I guess no one's ever told it that it has gotten away with so much for so long that it's lost all sense of caution, all sense of limits.

What is a limit, how do men reach it and what exactly does "NO!" mean?

 

[twisting_edge]

What is a limit, how do men reach it and what exactly does "NO!" mean?

According to Evo, "'No' is usually just a 'yes' that needs a little persuading." Headed for a felony, she is. You can impute the answer regarding men and limits fairly easily from that.

What's the deal with the Teddy Ruxpin, anyways?

 

[mathwonk]

a limit is a point such that a function's values eventually enter every nbhd of it. it is not a boundary but an accumulation point. so a mans limit would be a point he comes back to infinitely often.

 

[Math Is Hard]

According to Evo, "'No' is usually just a 'yes' that needs a little persuading." Headed for a felony, she is. You can impute the answer regarding men and limits fairly easily from that.

What's the deal with the Teddy Ruxpin, anyways?

Unfortunately, no deal has been struck with Teddy Ruxpin. In fact, Mr. Ruxpin declined to comment when asked about the matter.

"No" sounds a bit like "yes" in the southern dialect, but in the northern dialect, "yes" sounds very close to "no". Do you think this had anything to do with the great Tablecloth War of 1971 between Velda and Irlene Chowdhardt?

 

[turbo]

Unfortunately, no deal has been struck with Teddy Ruxpin. In fact, Mr. Ruxpin declined to comment when asked about the matter.

"No" sounds a bit like "yes" in the southern dialect, but in the northern dialect, "yes" sounds very close to "no". Do you think this had anything to do with the great Tablecloth War of 1971 between Velda and Irlene Chowdhardt?

The usage of "yes" and "no" could have averted that awful tragedy. The origin of the unfortunate Great Tablecloth War can be traced back to:
1) the fact that Velda and Irlene both said "uh-uh" for "no" and "uh-huh" for "yes", and:
2) they were both too vain to wear their hearing aids even though they were as deaf as posts.
The carnage was inevitable.

Do the guys get shirts?

Warning! Paul Anka is a potty-mouth. Do not click this link if you are under-age or easily offended.
http://www.noisetank.com/integrity/

 

[Math Is Hard]

Do the guys get shirts?

oh, yes. The guys get shirts. That's just the %$#@! way it is.

but why no shirts for the gals?

 

[turbo]

oh, yes. The guys get shirts. That's just the %$#@! way it is.

but why no shirts for the gals?

We like 'em without shirts!

Can we manage to get no shirts and no skirts for the gals? (just checking, not risking a smack with a frozen halibut. )

 

[twisting_edge]

Can we manage to get no shirts and no skirts for the gals?

It is, as a rule, generally easier to get nothing than it is to get something. That is to say, it requires a positive act of will (and a sometimes inordinate amount of dithering) on someone's part to apply the skirts and shirts in the first place, therefore it would require a great deal less effort to not apply the shirts and skirts ab initio.

The next quetion suggests itself: given the amount of effort involved there must clearly be some form of advantage to shirts, skirts and related items. What is it?

 

[Neohaven]

Hiding one's assets <ducks, evading the trout>, and some other minor <ducks again>, not counting stopping stupid attempts at groping.

<runs away, for fear of frozen trout slapping>

So... why do people answer 42? (notice this is the 3rd time i post this. :P)

 

[Hurkyl]

notice this is the 3rd time i post this

No, I didn't notice.

How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol Hordes got bored?

 

[Neohaven]

Maybe one, Maybe thousands, Maybe none. Ask Schroedinger's [sp?!] Cat.

Why does ink clog up sometimes?

 

[darsven]

A: Trick question...Ink doesn't clog up, pens do. Nice try!

Q: If you have only one eye, are you winking, or blinking?

 

[Neohaven]

A: Trick question...Ink doesn't clog up, pens do. Nice try!

Q: If you have only one eye, are you winking, or blinking?

You're closing you eye.

Why can't epsilon be smaller than 0?

 

[Mattara]

You're closing you eye.

Why can't epsilon be smaller than 0?

As in 0 in mass, volume, length, magnitude, strength, position, speed, acceleration, force, intensity, time etc.

How about the si- (gn/ne) for epsilon? Can that be negative?

 

[sas3]

A false negative approach to mining frequent itemsets from high speed transactional data streams seem possible.

Ouch, Why did I say that?

 

[Livingod]

Perhaps you didn't expect me to come out of months of hibernation (I'm glad to be back :) )

Why am I a bear?

 

[D H]

Because your not a duck.

How far can a bird fly?

 

[Livingod]

They do what now?

 

[Delzac]

How far can a bird fly?

A:Not very far if a nuclear bomb hits them.

They do what now?

A:They, as i take it refers to birds, and birds are flying in the skies as i see it.

Q: Why is the bible in the fiction section of a bookstore ?

 

[Arbitrary]

Q: Why is the bible in the fiction section of a bookstore ?

Because it is time the Bible's God be defeated, just like Zeus and Ra and a bunch of other gods and goddesses before them.

Why does typing in all caps mean anger?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why does typing in all caps mean anger?

I've consulted several typing texts on the matter, including typing manuals for people with polydactyly, people with two left hands, and even for amputees who type with their feet and all agree that typing exclusively in capitol letters signifies anger due to a peculiar assistant of Gutenberg who used to chew lower case letters when he was in a state of wrath, apparently quite common for him, leaving him with nothing but capitols to set. History does not inform us of the reason he would choose to chew lower case letters but eschewed chewing those of the upper case. A choosy chewer.

Serendipitously this leads us to a perenial favorite quetion: " How much type would a typesetter chew if a typesetter could chew type?" Since, however, it has been asked 42.0045 times already in the course of this thread I will not repose it, choosing instead to ask: "If the Mona Lisa were alive today, and were authentically moaning, would it be because 1.) She was being tattooed, 2.) She was having a body piercing done, or 3.) Just got her credt card bill?"