Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #526
drizzle said:
Well, for me it comes up first in a google search! What would that mean? :biggrin:

Someone at google must like us.
 
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #527
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?

Polaroids.
 
  • #528
turbo-1 said:
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?

Polaroids.

Nice one.
 
  • #529
My racing snail was not winning races
any more, so I decided to remove his shell
to make him more aerodynamic.

It didn't work. If anything
it made him more sluggish.
 
  • #530
p1ayaone1 said:
My racing snail was not winning races
any more, so I decided to remove his shell
to make him more aerodynamic.

It didn't work. If anything
it made him more sluggish.

Nice one.
 
  • #531
Lancelot59 said:
Nice one.

Many are...they don't really sound lame...fully funny, actually.
 
  • #532
Hopefully nobody's posted this one yet:

Newton and Einstein are on a train. Newton remarks "These trains run like clockwork!" to which Einstein asks "When does the station arrive?"

Saw that one recently, but can't remember where I got it. Hopefully not this thread. :biggrin:
 
  • #533
Police Spokesperson: The computer scientist was found dead at his computer.
Journalist: Do we know the cause of death?
Police Spokesperson: No
Journalist: Did anyone in the area hear or see anything?
Police Spokesperson: No. But we do know the victim had been screaming for help.
Journalist: How do we know that?
Police spokesman: The victim was found with a broken index finger and a damaged F1 key.
 
  • #534
Inuit interrogated about alibi:

- Where have you been on the night of Dec 12th-Jan 7th?
 
  • #535
Borek said:
Inuit interrogated about alibi:

- Where have you been on the night of Dec 12th-Jan 7th?

Inuit interrogated about global warming.

"I like it"

"Why?"

"It's warmer!"

True story
 
  • #536
Me: You're even more attractive than usual today.

Her: It must be my new haircut. You like it, huh?

Me: Actually, I think it's the extra weight you've put on. Your gravitational pull has become quite severe.

And then the fight started.
 
  • #537
BobG said:
Me: You're even more attractive than usual today.

Her: It must be my new haircut. You like it, huh?

Me: Actually, I think it's the extra weight you've put on. Your gravitational pull has become quite severe.

And then the fight started.

classic... Was it worth it?
 
  • #538
A situational variation could be:

(To your girrlfriend or wife who appears to have added a few pounds)

Run to her and say "WOW! Your gravitational pull is fascinating!"
 
  • #539
:smile:
 
  • #540
BobG said:
Me: You're even more attractive than usual today.

Her: It must be my new haircut. You like it, huh?

Me: Actually, I think it's the extra weight you've put on. Your gravitational pull has become quite severe.

And then the fight started.

Too late, bob; I already vote for Danger.
 
  • #541
:smile::smile::smile:

OMG, that's a nice one too :smile:

I haven't voted yet, I know those with humer are pretty active this period of time! :biggrin:
 
  • #542
BobG said:
Me: You're even more attractive than usual today.

Her: It must be my new haircut. You like it, huh?

Me: Actually, I think it's the extra weight you've put on. Your gravitational pull has become quite severe.

And then the fight started.

:smile::smile::smile:
 
  • #543
From work colleague sat opposite:

She was only the telegraphers daughter but she didit didit didit didit...

She was only the colonels daughter but she knew what regi-ment
 
  • #544
BobG said:
...

And then the fight started.

Reminds me of:

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat mama's orbiting around her.

ps. Do not try the attractive joke on your bartender. No amount of "but I just saw it on the science forum..." will keep them from cutting you off. Especially if another barback has just been trapped in orbit... :(
 
  • #545
OmCheeto said:
Reminds me of:

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat mama's orbiting around her.

ps. Do not try the attractive joke on your bartender. No amount of "but I just saw it on the science forum..." will keep them from cutting you off. Especially if another barback has just been trapped in orbit... :(

Yo mama's so fat that when she fell in love she broke it. :bugeye:

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elifino. ('El if I no)
 
  • #546
Hey Venezuela, is that your army or did Menudo get back together?
 
  • #547
What do periods and loan payments have in common?

It'll cost you a lot if either are late.
 
  • #548
HAHA^
:smile:
 
  • #549
OmCheeto said:
Reminds me of:

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat mama's orbiting around her.
:smile::smile::smile:
Lancelot59 said:
Yo mama's so fat that when she fell in love she broke it. :bugeye:

:smile::smile::smile:

I've never heard those before...just the usual yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family and yo mama's so fat she falls off both sides of the bed etc. and i think some other elaborate one...yo mama's so fat she wore a yankee's jacket and helicopters were trying to land on her.
 
  • #550
HeLiXe said:
:smile::smile::smile:


:smile::smile::smile:

I've never heard those before...just the usual yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family and yo mama's so fat she falls off both sides of the bed etc. and i think some other elaborate one...yo mama's so fat she wore a yankee's jacket and helicopters were trying to land on her.
What time are you going to pick your mom up from the airport? Her plane lands at 2, which would be 3 in her other time zone.
 
  • #551
Whats the difference between a woman and a terrorist?


You can negotiate with the terrorist!
 
  • #552
Did you hear the rumor that Chuck Norris had a heart attack?

Turns out its only a rumor, Chuck Norris' heart is not foolish enough to attack him!
 
  • #553
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.

What do you call a chinese woman with one leg?
Irene
 
  • #554
i_wish_i_was_smart said:
Whats the difference between a woman and a terrorist?


You can negotiate with the terrorist!
Isn't there a policy that says you're not supposed to though?
i_wish_i_was_smart said:
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.

What do you call a chinese woman with one leg?
Irene
Nice one.:smile:
 
  • #555
Horse walks into a bar. Barkeep: So why the long face?
 
  • #556
When ABS first came out it was braking news.
 
  • #557
Havent read all jokes (yet) so I don't know if these have been posted. Anyway, here goes:

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One of them was a salted.

A neutron walks into a bar, and orders a beer. "How much?" He asks the barkeep.
The barkeep replies, "For you sir, no charge."
 
  • #558
Lancelot59 said:
What time are you going to pick your mom up from the airport? Her plane lands at 2, which would be 3 in her other time zone.

:smile:
 
  • #559
  • #560
This one wasn't lame.
 

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