Collection of Lame Jokes

[DaveC426913]

No, I always drive this way to avoid snipers.

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

I am your father, Kitty.

 

[DaveC426913]

Hey! It's Darth Macavity!

(Just saw Cats)

View attachment 254642

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

couldnt let this pass by ...

from the classical physics section...

Let's go with a seasonal example, Consider the hypothesis "reindeer can't fly". I go on the roof with a herd of reindeer, and start pushing them off one by one.

1. How many reindeer do I have to go through to prove reindeer can't fly?
2. How many reindeer do I have to go through so that no reasonable person would believe reindeer really can fly?
3. How many reindeer do I have to go through before I am arrested for cruelty to animals?

 

[BillTre]

 

[mfb]

Separating the salt from the water? That's not how I remember the story.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

The idea surely came from the Manneken Pis...

 

[davenn]

Me: Doc, I cannot hear anything in my left ear.

Doc: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, I’m definite.

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

He on cell phone:
"It's a really bad time to break up, Gina."

Tattoo artist:
"I could still make Gin Tonic out of it ... "

 

[jtbell]

Overheard at a dog show: "When you're judging a sheepdog, if you burrow through the hair and find only one eye, you've got the wrong end of the dog."

(might have been about some other very long-haired dog...)

 

[mfb]

Me: Doc, I cannot hear anything in my left ear.

Doc: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, I’m definite.

If you lose your left hand, then the right hand is left.

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

If you lose your left hand, then the right hand is left.

Whether I lose my left ear or not, the other will always be right 'ere.

 

[mfb]

To the doctor: "Did you amputate the right foot, or my right foot?

 

[Borg]

Doctor: Are you feeling alright today?

Me: No, I'm half left.

 

[mfb]

I was wondering where the Sun went, but then it dawned on me.

 

[davenn]

I was wondering where the Sun went, but then it dawned on me.

you shortened that a bit

usually written as ...

"I stayed up all night wondering where the Sun went, and then it dawned on me "

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

I got the address of this beautiful woman yesterday, now this damn navigation system can't find the Sesame Street.

 

[jtbell]

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Probably half as much as two woodchucks...

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

That must be at the Knights Inn where I was kept awake by clanking metal.

 

[davenn]

That must be at the Knights Inn ...

very cool

 

[Ibix]

That must be at the Knights Inn where I was kept awake by clanking metal.

I like that some of the Knights Inns were bought by Days Inn...

 

[fresh_42]

That must be at the Knights Inn where I was kept awake by clanking metal.

You have been lucky. Only since there are comparably few knights around in the US, you have been able to get a room anyway. I mean a hotel which only allows knights in and none out will sooner or later be full!

 

[kuruman]

You have been lucky. Only since there are comparably few knights around in the US, you have been able to get a room anyway. I mean a hotel which only allows knights in and none out will sooner or later be full!

That would be a hotel for one knight stands.

 

[jtbell]

That would be a hotel for one knight stands.

 

[BillTre]

No knights allowed above the arctic circle during the summer!

 

[fresh_42]

No knights allowed above the arctic circle during the summer!

No wonder! There are no shrubberies so high up north!

 

[jtbell]

If Knights Inns are pet-friendly, I bet Three Dog Knight would be interested.

 

[WWGD]

Great German restaurant today. They had the best of the Wurst.