Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

have not got it

It's a joke on freedom in America vs repression in Russia

Maybe the assumptions are a bit wrong.

 

[mjc123]

As Garry Kasparov once said,
"Every country has its own mafia."
"In Soviet Russia, mafia has its own country!"

And, to be fair:
"In Soviet Russia, people sometimes rob banks."
"In America, bank robs you!"

Reminds me of the old joke about the East and West Germans.
East German: The difference between our systems is that you care about money, whereas we care about people.
West German: Yes, that's why we lock up our money, and you lock up your people.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[jack action]

Are you serious? So after leaving the drive thru today in Jax Beach, FL my wife took her sandwich out of the bag and we see THIS! Seriously? Oh not today, not today! I went back to the restaurant, went INSIDE (already fuming), asked to speak to the manager and then threw the sandwich on the counter. I asked him for an explanation. He looked confused, so I pointed at the writing on the sandwich and demanded that he tells me why someone felt the need to write it on my Wife’s sandwich. He answered, "because you ordered a BLT with cheese??” To which I replied “Oh”

source: www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10101809013062202&set=a.549843444252&type=3&theater

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

u

 

[Ibix]

It was the Terileptils anyway.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Now I understand it!

 

[mfb]

When your boss asks for proof you're in hospital

In the time of remote video meetings this is no longer an excuse!

 

[WWGD]

In the time of remote video meetings this is no longer an excuse!

Edit: Hell is telling jokes to a German audience. ;). Edit: Sorry, don't mean to offend. We are all nerds i here in PF the end.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

"All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer."

-- IBM maintenance manual, 1925

 

[etotheipi]

 

[fresh_42]

"All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer."

-- IBM maintenance manual, 1925

In the early nineties there was a report in the newspaper that someone in the US shot his monitor out of frustration about the then frequently occurring bluescreen.

I wonder whether this had been mentioned in the manual.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 264968

Nope. Fake news. Can you find the error?

 

[etotheipi]

In the early nineties there was a report in the newspaper that someone in the US shot his monitor out of frustration about the then frequently occurring bluescreen.

Did it fix it though?

Nope. Fake news. Can you find the error?

Man on the left looks way too nonchalant. 3 hours later he will be crying over the instruction manual trying to figure out where the 163rd screw for his Swedish Poäng chair is.

On another note, the numbers look a little off. Are those 5 chair legs?

 

[fresh_42]

Man on the left looks way too nonchalant. 3 hours later he will be crying over the instruction manual trying to figure out where the 163rd screw for his Swedish Poäng chair is.

On another note, the numbers look a little off. Are those 5 chair legs?

No. The error is the screwdriver. It had to be a hex key.

 

[etotheipi]

No. The error is the screwdriver. It had to be a hex key.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 264993

There's a couple near here who have mobility scooters bearing the signs "Beauty" and "Beast".

View attachment 264994

You used to be able to get adult and child sized shirts bearing the Crown "pint" and "half-pint" stamps. This one is better...

 

[Ibix]

You used to be able to get adult and child sized shirts bearing the Crown "pint" and "half-pint" stamps. This one is better...

Afterthought: Although the kid's presumably not a clone.

 

[Ibix]

Did it fix it though?

The variant on the shooting-the-computer story I heard was about someone bringing in an early iMac with a gunshot wound and wanting it fixed. It so happened that the hard drive was along the bottom of the case in that model, and it had escaped unscathed. So they simply swapped the hard drive into a new machine and sold the new machine, billing it as a repair...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

[synonym rolls...]

Oh, b*gger! I really liked those as a child but I'd completely forgotten about them. Hmmm, where can I get some...

 

[jtbell]

Here's one from my father, a long time ago:

A first-grade teacher asked her pupils to draw a picture about a song they knew. One boy drew a person lying in bed with little animals crawling all over him. Puzzled, the teacher asked, "what song is that?"

The boy replied, "Mice on John."

The teacher was still puzzled, so the boy sang:

Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John.

(Wikipedia)

 

[Ibix]

Oh, b*gger! I really liked those as a child but I'd completely forgotten about them.

Metaphorgotten about them, surely.

 

[Ibix]

Here's one from my father, a long time ago:

A first-grade teacher asked her pupils to draw a picture about a song they knew. One boy drew a person lying in bed with little animals crawling all over him. Puzzled, the teacher asked, "what song is that?"

The boy replied, "Mice on John."

The teacher was still puzzled, so the boy sang:

Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John.

(Wikipedia)

Reminds me of the kid who thought Jesus had a funny looking teddy bear called Gladly, because of the hymn "Gladly, thy cross-eyed bear".

 

[etotheipi]

 

[Ibix]

I think they're just there for something to plant a cocktail umbrella into.