Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #806
Tommy was an idiot.
 
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  • #807
FtlIsAwesome said:
Tommy was an idiot.

Indeed he was :biggrin:
 
  • #808
*** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
 
  • #809
"When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose."
 
  • #810
nismaratwork said:
"When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose."

A friend of mine used to always say "mine's only 5 inches but, most women like 'em that wide". Now that I think of it, he didn't have a good memory either. :-p
 
  • #811
Somehow that reminds me that God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.
 
  • #812
Borg said:
A friend of mine used to always say "mine's only 5 inches but, most women like 'em that wide". Now that I think of it, he didn't have a good memory either. :-p

:smile:

It is a "lame" joke... remember. :wink:
 
  • #813
Borek said:
Somehow that reminds me that God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.

Another classic, "We [men] are life support systems for a penis."
 
  • #815
EVO! :smile:
 
  • #816
"If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks."

Classic Evo :smile:
 
  • #817
nismaratwork said:
"When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose."

Borg said:
A friend of mine used to always say "mine's only 5 inches but, most women like 'em that wide". Now that I think of it, he didn't have a good memory either. :-p

Borek said:
Somehow that reminds me that God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.

:biggrin::smile::biggrin:
 
  • #818
DevilsAvocado said:
:biggrin::smile::biggrin:

Thank you kind sir, thank you! :wink:
 
  • #819
Kasparov's Apocalypse Now

*** Warning! Body part in strange environment! ***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFcZm7UUYIg
 
  • #820
Oh god, isn't that priceless?
 
  • #821
:biggrin:
 
  • #822
That probably led to some strange conversations over dinner that evening.

"How was work today? Anything interesting happen?"

"I batted a flying penis out of the air. How was your day, dear?"
 
  • #823
lisab said:
That probably led to some strange conversations over dinner that evening.

"How was work today? Anything interesting happen?"

"I batted a flying penis out of the air. How was your day, dear?"

:smile:

LAME jokes Lisa... you're supposed to be LAME. You go join DaveC... that was funny.
 
  • #824
lisab said:
"I batted a flying penis out of the air. How was your day, dear?"
:blushing::smile::smile::smile::blushing:
 
  • #825
I want to get a tiny version of that, and fly it into Qaddafi's ear. :biggrin:

Then you detonate the C4... :wink:
 
  • #826
nismaratwork said:
I want to get a tiny version of that, and fly it into Qaddafi's ear. :biggrin:

Actually, I think we can fix this! :rolleyes:
3 men walk into a bar.

After they drink a couple of beers they are ready to leave, but the bartender won't let them unless they have 12 inches of dick between them.

The first guy whips his out and shows 6 inches.

The second guy drops his pants and shows 5 inches.

Finally, the third guy shows his 1 inch dick.

The bartender says "Ok, that's 12 inches you can go".

As the're walking away the first guy sais to the third, "Thank god you had a boner or we'd still be there."
 
  • #827
DevilsAvocado said:
Kasparov's Apocalypse Now

*** Warning! Body part in strange environment! ***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFcZm7UUYIg

I remember seeing that on the news. Fun times.

Incidentally I happen to be both well endowed and have a good memory.
 
  • #828
In the news: HEROIC PIT BULL JOURNEYS 2000 MILES TO ATTACK OWNER!
 
  • #829
A plane was flying from Poland to France and then to America. To keep track of nationalities for customs assigned seating was used. France nationals were on one side while Polish nationals occupied the other. On the descent into America the French were clammoring about the spectacular views. Curious, one of the Polish stepped onto the French side to see. Immediately and without warning the aircraft burst into flames and plummeted to Earth. When asked why the plane crashed so suddenly, a FAA spokesperson answered, "We discovered a pole in the right half of the plane."
 
  • #830
That's like the joke about Cauchy's dog. They say it leaves a residue at every pole.
 
  • #831
Gokul43201 said:
That's like the joke about Cauchy's dog. They say it leaves a residue at every pole.

Heh...

I'm ashamed that I laughed at that... :blushing:

Still...

Hehheh...
 
  • #832
Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x1024, in kilograms.It was actually in gigagrams.
 
  • #833
FtlIsAwesome said:
Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x1024, in kilograms.


It was actually in gigagrams.

He must have a really flat personality now.
 
  • #834
FtlIsAwesome said:
It was actually in gigagrams.

It adds new meaning to the statement "check your units" that we see so often at PF.
 
  • #835
Gokul43201 said:
That's like the joke about Cauchy's dog. They say it leaves a residue at every pole.

That's why Poles hate Cauchy's dog, eh?
 
  • #836
FtlIsAwesome said:
Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x1024, in kilograms.


It was actually in gigagrams.

I bet that mistake weighs heavy on him these days...
 
  • #837
FtlIsAwesome said:
Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x1024, in kilograms.


It was actually in gigagrams.


That's what happens when you use a slide-rule upside down... :biggrin:
 
  • #838
Borek said:
It adds new meaning to the statement "check your units" that we see so often at PF.
Wow! I didn't know my jokes had hidden meaning...
 
  • #839
There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know ternary, those who don't, and those who thought this was going to be a binary statement.


There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.


There is 10 type of people in this world: those who know that this statement is a paradox.


There are 10 types of people in this world: well, apparently this world is uninhabited.
 
  • #840
nismaratwork said:
That's what happens when you use a slide-rule upside down... :biggrin:

I wish I knew how to use one of those.
 

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