Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[BillTre]

I once saw on a large air vent in a physics building, a little official looking label (matching campus P. plant style) saying:
"Warped Space Entrance, Authorized Personnel Only".

It went away in a few weeks.

 

[davenn]

View attachment 273671

but everything else is allowed hahaha

 

[davenn]

 

[DrClaude]

What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday the rest are week days.

But Saturday and Sunday are not very strong either, they are weakened.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 273672

I think I would take that as proof that baby Yoda had fallen to the dark side...

 

[jedishrfu]

Spoiler: Do you know how to catch a unique rabbit?

You neak up on it.

Spoiler: Do you know how to catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way you neak up on it.

 

[jedishrfu]

View attachment 273681​

There's actually a story behind this picture. The little girl and her brother were playing at home when they heard the commotion over the fire. They with their dad went to investigate and the dad snapped the photo. The fire was part of a planned burn of a derelict property for fire dept training.

https://www.hongkiat.com/blog/stories-behind-memes/

https://thetab.com/uk/2019/12/16/meme-origins-stories-explained-134922

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: Do you know how a hunter catches a rabbit?

He chases it with his pack and shoots at it.

Spoiler: Do you know how a mathematician catches a rabbit?

He divides the forest into two, looks which part the rabbit is in. Then he divides this one into two, looks which part ...

Spoiler: Do you know how a CIA (*) agent catches a rabbit?

He catches a wild boar and beats it until it admits to be a rabbit.

(*) This is only culturally adapted. My version goes with german cops. No offense to the US. I just thought it fits better with an intelligence service and nobody knows BND.

 

[jack action]

How do you kill a blue elephant?

Spoiler: Answer

Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant?

Spoiler: Answer

Twist its trunk until it turns blue and then shoot it with a red elephant gun.

 

[fresh_42]

An international team has found a mammoth in the Siberian tundra. The scientists bet which one of them can determine its age most precisely. The German scientist crawled into the cave and returned after 10 minutes: "It is 3.5 million years old." I can do better, said the American and crawled into the cave. He returned after an hour and said: "It is 3.47 million years old." At last the Russian scientist vanished in the cave. His colleagues waited for an hour, two hours, three hours, but it wasn't before the next day when he returned. "And? What do you think?" - "It is 3,468,324 years, 5 month and 2 days old!" - "Wow! How can you know?" - "The interrogation was tough, but in the end he confessed."

 

[DrGreg]

An international team has found a mammoth in the Siberian tundra. The scientists bet which one of them can determine its age most precisely. The German scientist crawled into the cave and returned after 10 minutes: "It is 3.5 million years old." I can do better, said the American and crawled into the cave. He returned after an hour and said: "It is 3.47 million years old." At last the Russian scientist vanished in the cave. His colleagues waited for an hour, two hours, three hours, but it wasn't before the next day when he returned. "And? What do you think?" - "It is 3,468,324 years, 5 month and 2 days old!" - "Wow! How can you know?" - "The interrogation was tough, but in the end he confessed."

Museum visitor: "How old is the mammoth skeleton?"
Museum attendant: "3,500,003 years."
Visitor: "Wow! How can you know?"
Attendant: "When I started working here 3 years ago, it was 3,500,000 years old."

 

[Keith_McClary]

Then the mammoth walked out of the cave and said ...

 

[mfb]

Spoiler: Do you know how a mathematician catches a rabbit?

He divides the forest into two, looks which part the rabbit is in. Then he divides this one into two, looks which part ...

Too inefficient. You make a small cage, dividing the surface of Earth into two parts and define the larger part of Earth's surface to be the inside.

 

[fresh_42]

Too inefficient. You make a small cage, dividing the surface of Earth into two parts and define the larger part of Earth's surface to be the inside.

That's what logicians do. The rest uses a Möbius-transformation on the Riemann sphere, or Cauchy's integral formula in case the rabbit's residue is known.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

Spoiler: Do you know how a hunter catches a rabbit?

He chases it with his pack and shoots at it.

Spoiler: Do you know how a mathematician catches a rabbit?

He divides the forest into two, looks which part the rabbit is in. Then he divides this one into two, looks which part ...

Spoiler: Do you know how a CIA (*) agent catches a rabbit?

He catches a wild boar and beats it until it admits to be a rabbit.

(*) This is only culturally adapted. My version goes with german cops. No offense to the US. I just thought it fits better with an intelligence service and nobody knows BND.

I thought that the usual method of catching a rabbit was to paint yourself orange and make a noise like a carrot.

 

[sysprog]

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

Waht?

 

[fresh_42]

Waht?

He siad, yuo undrespood him!

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

View attachment 273728

I need to train my next AI algorithm on that!

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

Only 385 days until Christmas!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The turkeys are looking GREAT this year.

 

[jack action]

Two old people discuss together:

- I just made a silent fart. What do I do?

- Put new batteries in your hearing aid.

 

[256bits]

Watching Fauci trying to find the right language is painful.

~ What we don't want to see is a surge on top of a surge within a surge while wrapping a surge around a surge...

He should just say "STAY AT HOME!"

He is noticeably frustrated. He has all but begged people to stay home.