Collection of Lame Jokes

256bits · Dec 5, 2020

Ivan Seeking said:

The turkeys are looking GREAT this year.

View attachment 273755

Just don't ask the guest(s) what kind of meat they would like, the drumstick or the ... :))

etotheipi · Dec 6, 2020

Ivan Seeking · Dec 6, 2020

Metaphor: The collective result of many phors.

WWGD · Dec 6, 2020

256bits said:

Just don't ask the guest(s) what kind of meat they would like, the drumstick or the ...

Or put a bra on it before cooking it.

WWGD · Dec 6, 2020

Ivan Seeking said:

Metaphor: The collective result of many phors.

I've met threes but never metaphor . (I'll see myself out.)

WWGD · Dec 6, 2020

BillTre · Dec 6, 2020

WWGD said:

View attachment 273806

Gosh Darn!
They got Dinosaurs!

WWGD · Dec 6, 2020

WWGD · Dec 6, 2020

phinds · Dec 6, 2020

Business signs:

North Side Concrete --- we dry harder
Pattie's Pastries --- Hey, get your buns in here
Smith's Septic Service --- We're number 1 in the number 2 business
Ho's Dry Cleaner --- Drop your pants here
Boston tacos --- Don't just stand there, come inside and get fed up
South Side Diaper Service --- Let us lighten your load
Greenside Plant Nursery --- Our business is growing
Billie's Body Shop --- May we have the next dents?
Edgar's Muffler --- no appointment necessary; we'll hear you coming
Maple's Massage Parlor --- It's great to be kneaded
Cincinnati bakery --- while you sleep, we loaf
Smith Plumbers --- a good flush beats a full house
Ithaca Vacuum Cleaner Service --- Our business sucks

and my favorite:

Hillsgate Trash Service --- satisfaction guarantee or double your trash back

phinds · Dec 6, 2020

Ivan Seeking · Dec 6, 2020

phinds said:

Business signs:

North Side Concrete --- we dry harder
Pattie's Pastries --- Hey, get your buns in here
Smith's Septic Service --- We're number 1 in the number 2 business
Ho's Dry Cleaner --- Drop your pants here
Boston tacos --- Don't just stand there, come inside and get fed up
South Side Diaper Service --- Let us lighten your load
Greenside Plant Nursery --- Our business is growing
Billie's Body Shop --- May we have the next dents?
Edgar's Muffler --- no appointment necessary; we'll hear you coming
Maple's Massage Parlor --- It's great to be kneaded
Cincinnati bakery --- while you sleep, we loaf
Smith Plumbers --- a good flush beats a full house
Ithaca Vacuum Cleaner Service --- Our business sucks

and my favorite:

Hillsgate Trash Service --- satisfaction guarantee or double your trash back

We had a radiator shop that claimed to be the best place to take a leak.

The gas station offered free break checks.

Many moons ago I worked for MCTS - Mobile Computerized Tomographic Services.
Our company t-shirts read: We give the best head and better body scans.

jtbell · Dec 7, 2020

phinds said:

Business signs:

On a garbage truck: "We service what we smell"

Business names:

A carpet and tile store in New Orleans: Floor de Lys

A hair salon in Portsmouth, Ohio: Curl Up and Dye

davenn · Dec 7, 2020

davenn · Dec 7, 2020

I asked the librarian If they had any books on different noise levels...
The librarian says, "Sure, what volume would you like?"...

davenn · Dec 7, 2020

Ibix · Dec 7, 2020

WWGD said:

View attachment 273806

The bird seems to have replaced a man in the second rank. Is this the origin of the expression "to chicken out"?

Ibix · Dec 7, 2020

davenn said:

I asked the librarian If they had any books on different noise levels...
The librarian says, "Sure, what volume would you like?"...

How many volumes are there? I want a series that goes to eleven!

davenn · Dec 7, 2020

Ibix said:

How many volumes are there? I want a series that goes to eleven!

from 0 to 110 (dB)

WWGD · Dec 7, 2020

jtbell · Dec 7, 2020

We've been seeing a number of these inside our house the past few days:

For some reason, they like to crawl inside our new energy-efficient kitchen ceiling light fixture, so we call them "LEDbugs."

phinds · Dec 8, 2020

Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "Electricians are the best, everything inside is color coded."
The second surgeon says, "No, I think librarians are, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The third surgeon shut them up when he said, "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine.
Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable..."